Re: Scared and need help
Hello, Buddy. I would be a heck of a lot more worried about you if you were not feeling nervous as all get out! It is the past experiences of withdrawal that are making you afraid. HOWEVER, it is the past experience of withdrawal that is exactly what is going to get you through them this time. Exactly that. Think about all the knowledge you now have. Knowledge is one of the most powerful weapons we have in withdrawal.
Every time any one of us on the board meets a newbie, we write to them about getting a solid plan in place to face withdrawal and find recovery. And we all shake our heads with concern when we recognize someone who has jumped into withdrawal with no plan and no safety nets in place. FullO... you have a good, solid plan, you have safety nets in place and you understand the whys of each and every symptom that can occur. You understand very well because you have done this before. And you will do it again. Yes, you will. You will face every symptom headon with full understanding of what it is and why it is occuring. THEN, as you come out of withdrawal, you will, for the first time, face recovery with a new attitude. That is because you understand that the missing piece of all your plan up until now has been an understanding of the importance of aftercare. This time around, you have accepted that aftercare is absolutley necessary. You have your first NA meeting lined up. Oh, how good that is! For the first time, you are acceptng that this can never be a lione battle. You are accepting that it is not failure to accept that you have needs for others' help. but a life necessity that you do. This is a putting aside of needless pride to do this. A hard thing to do, huh? It sure was for me. It is a lesson for us that we can not always play the strong caregiver in life, that sometimes our role is going to be the weakened one in need of care. And this is how life is and how it should be. We need to walk both sides of the fence in life at different times. Addiction is no less serious an illness than cancer and, Buddy, we knew we needed help then. And where you and I failed in cancer is that we went through the treatment, but never sought the aftercare we needed, but refused to accept that we needed.
Be brave and steady and practical in this. Like chemo made us sicker in order to get better, withdrawal makes us sicker in order that we ma get better. You are going to survive withdrawal and you are going to find recovery and restoration. You are a survivor.