Hey guys -the day is here and I am scared as hell. I need you guys right now. I flushed everything I have and start my journey today. Let me catch you up: I am 2 weeks post hydro CT. That was my drug of choice. I have relapsed and relapsed again on that drug. So that is a positive. I then had to work full time and travel full time with job, so I started using Codeine and darvocet to get me through to RIGHT NOW. I have 10 days off for vacation. FUN huh!! So, today is day one. I flushed everything this morning and now I have a HUGE amount of anxiety with the whole situation. I am soooo nervous that I am going to have HUGE wd's from the codeine use. I know that my body is used to using it, because I have been able to function. Its not that easy. I will write more later.
Hello, Buddy. I would be a heck of a lot more worried about you if you were not feeling nervous as all get out! It is the past experiences of withdrawal that are making you afraid. HOWEVER, it is the past experience of withdrawal that is exactly what is going to get you through them this time. Exactly that. Think about all the knowledge you now have. Knowledge is one of the most powerful weapons we have in withdrawal.
Every time any one of us on the board meets a newbie, we write to them about getting a solid plan in place to face withdrawal and find recovery. And we all shake our heads with concern when we recognize someone who has jumped into withdrawal with no plan and no safety nets in place. FullO... you have a good, solid plan, you have safety nets in place and you understand the whys of each and every symptom that can occur. You understand very well because you have done this before. And you will do it again. Yes, you will. You will face every symptom headon with full understanding of what it is and why it is occuring. THEN, as you come out of withdrawal, you will, for the first time, face recovery with a new attitude. That is because you understand that the missing piece of all your plan up until now has been an understanding of the importance of aftercare. This time around, you have accepted that aftercare is absolutley necessary. You have your first NA meeting lined up. Oh, how good that is! For the first time, you are acceptng that this can never be a lione battle. You are accepting that it is not failure to accept that you have needs for others' help. but a life necessity that you do. This is a putting aside of needless pride to do this. A hard thing to do, huh? It sure was for me. It is a lesson for us that we can not always play the strong caregiver in life, that sometimes our role is going to be the weakened one in need of care. And this is how life is and how it should be. We need to walk both sides of the fence in life at different times. Addiction is no less serious an illness than cancer and, Buddy, we knew we needed help then. And where you and I failed in cancer is that we went through the treatment, but never sought the aftercare we needed, but refused to accept that we needed.
Be brave and steady and practical in this. Like chemo made us sicker in order to get better, withdrawal makes us sicker in order that we ma get better. You are going to survive withdrawal and you are going to find recovery and restoration. You are a survivor.
We've been where you are now. You've been where you are now. This time should be easier since you have tapered so long and have not been taking large doses of the codeine. Maybe you'll be surprised that it is not nearly as bad as you have been fearing. You've got your 10 days so, like you said on a previous post, lay around and do nothing but sleep if you can. It is a big help that you don't have to do anything right now but get through this, and you will
I think I know a little of what you are expecting. I am in day 5 right now and things are starting to look up thanks in no small way to your post to me. I gathered from the tone in that post that you've stared this devil down before. You've been through this and you know what they say: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You will see this through.
Your words of encouragement are helping me and I hope I can reciprocate.
Thanks for the words of encouragement- I am prepared and that is why I am scared. It kind of like the CALM before the storm. You are sitting there waiting for it to happen. that part stinks. I will be on here a lot in the next few days. I will post and use the strength from your words. Thanks again.
any thoughts what to do in the middle of the night when you wake up and cant sleep? That part bugs me -I have a room with a bed that I go to, but then I feel trapped. ?? any thoughts --
I have card games and Scrabble loaded on my computer. I play against the computer. Nothing too taxing. I just play and play until I can't hold my head up any longer. Then I plop into bed. When I'm that tired anxiety attacks don't take hold as much.