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Old 12-03-2007, 03:58 PM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 88
ilovejoaquim HB User
i can't breathe!

i had a friggen nervous breakdown about an hour ago. i'm going crazy right now. i need one soo friggen bad. I am just coming down off an anxiety attack.

I was yelling at my son, screaming at my mother and then i went to my bed and just cried because I feel like I hate myself, I hate everybody right now.

I feel like i'm being possesed like in the movie the Exorcist. I feel like the devil is showing right through me and I hate everything.

I hate this feeling. I just want to cry and sleep but I can't. I can't breathe right now. I need another one so bad and I know I can't have one. I can't breathe!

no i can't take sub. noone knows about this. I hate my doctor anyway, i don't like her so i'm in the process of trying to find a new one.

Old 12-03-2007, 06:35 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 567
captnanny HB User
Re: i can't breathe!

It's ok, you are going to be ok, trust me. I know it doesn't feel like it right now. It gets better we have to go on trust during this. There are many people on this post right now who have gone through this and gotten through this. You can do this. You have been trying so hard. Give it more time. Do you have nyquil? Benedryl? take two. try if you can, breathe in through the nose, and out through the mouth. Stay with us. You are going to be ok. Trust this board. It is ok to feel this way, I have many of us have. Trust and believe that you are just like the people who have done this. You are no different, I bet you're thinking that you are, that you can't handle this and noone understands how hard it is. I used that excuse, reasoning, for a long time, I truly believed it too until it came around again, and again and again. How many times do I truly want to go through this. How much more guilt can I take, How much more shame do I have to put myself through before I can finally be free of the demon that keeps me watching the clock?

I did it, am doing it, in the process. You CAN do this. I know you've prepared, You've worked really really hard to get here. Hang on tight girl. KEEP POSTING

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Old 12-03-2007, 08:11 PM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 88
ilovejoaquim HB User
Re: i can't breathe!

omg, i just watched a movie called Requiem for a Dream that someone here suggested, omg, I would be completely sick if I ever touched another pill again. That movie was like the worst nightmare of my life, I couldn't imagine nightmaring it neva mind people "junkies" actually live just like that. Wow, that movie was gross but true. Wow. I need to stop now.

Old 12-04-2007, 03:06 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 567
captnanny HB User
Re: i can't breathe!

Hey ilovequam, I'm glad you found that movie. I need to watch it. How are you doing today? I hope you can breathe now. It's scarey this addiction. It's bad being on narcotics and it's bad going off of them. The only thing left is recovery, that is after the withdrawals stop. Hopefully we can do this. We can make it!!!! Hang in there, going to read through the posts.

Old 12-04-2007, 09:49 AM   #5
Join Date: May 2007
Location: cleveland, ohio, usa
Posts: 442
oh-notagain HB User
Re: i can't breathe!

hey ilj,

how are you doing today? please remember that the pain and suffering you are going through is your body cleaning itself from all the drugs in your system. the devil is pounding at your door, willing you to let him in. Dont give in to him, this is not going to last that long......

looking forward to an update from you !!!

hugs, michelle

Old 12-04-2007, 12:16 PM   #6
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 381
g8trgrl15 HB User
Re: i can't breathe!

Yes, hang in there!! You've come too far to turn back now.. You're doing great!! Just try to take something that will knock you out.. Benadryl, Nyquil, or Dramamine.. Heck, take all 3.. lol Just kidding. But do take things that will help out with the anxiety. Too bad you can't talk to your Doc about the anxiety.. then you could get something for that. I'm rootin for ya.

Old 12-04-2007, 12:58 PM   #7
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 88
ilovejoaquim HB User
Re: i can't breathe!

well today was my first day on the job and it was brutel!
I never get up at 6:30am, and i never worked this hard in 8 hours straight in so long, and I am trying to quit pills, oh why oh why oh why now?

Okay, I called my friend. I am not getting a WHOLE pill, just a HALF. If that matters? Days ago I would cried for 2 pills, neva mind just half of one. So, I am only going to be half guilty today, lol.

I am taking baby steps and last night I didn't sleep one wink. I was nervous about my new job, my body started the "jerking" part of the withdrawls last night so I did not sleep, not to mention my son came to my bed and was awake for a while.

I just home home from my 8 hour day and I feel like I just woke up from a nasty hangover. I just want to go sleep, but I can't. Noone who will take my 5 year old for a while. He's to rambunctious. He doesn't stop. He doesn't sit. He's always "Mommy mommy mommy" "look mommy" "why mommy?" "when, who what" and the two most famous 5 year old words, "PLEASE and NO"

I use to have so much energy and when I gave birth I must have made a deal with God to give my son 80% of the energy that I had and left myself only with 20%. Not realizing what I was getting myself into. So here comes the red horned guy himself offering me back 80% of my energy I lost and giving it to me in a small round white pill. Oh the things the red horned guy will do to ruin our lives.

God help me.

Okay, sorry, I just had to vent, this felt good, sorry bout the God talk, hope nobody gets to overly sensitive about it.

k, bye

Last edited by ilovejoaquim; 12-04-2007 at 12:59 PM.

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