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Old 01-04-2008, 09:58 AM   #1
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Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

We haven't heard from Diezel in like months.. I'm sure it just that he's finally moved on. Which is good for him..

Where you at Yoss my buddy? Used to hearing from you every day!!

It's the holiday season so I'm sure everyone's just busy..

Just checkin on everyone!

 
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Old 01-04-2008, 10:57 AM   #2
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Hey g8trgrl

How are ya darlin? Its been awhile since I've written anything, but I've been around - reading up on everyone. I've been pretty busy with my two girls over the holidays.

I can't write too much today, I'm just heading out with my 5 yr old (Emily). We're going shopping to find me a new dress Hubby and I are going to his company party tomorrow night and none of my dresses fit me. I am happy about it though, as I need to go down two sizes

So, I hope you're doing well - and everyone else I'll be back soon.

Love emsmom (K)

 
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Old 01-04-2008, 12:33 PM   #3
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Hey G8tr Baby.... I'm here too. Unfortunately just doing a lot of reading and not much posting since I'm nursing two sickie babies........AND my dear old broken heart.... My two year old won't give me 3 seconds to myself....poor kid is so sick...he's clinging to Daddy for dear life. He fortunately just laid down for a nap, giving me a few minutes to get some things done....

But anyway.... As I said in an earlier post, I'm back on Sub....and it SUCKS. I'm thinking it's only for a few more days though, cuz doc comes back to town this wknd, and I have a bright an early appointment Monday morning. I absolutely HATE this though....going back an forth from meds to Sub. It makes my body go through SOOOOOOOO many changes. One thing especially - and ANYBODY else PLEASE tell me if anyone has ever noticed this - is odors from my body. For years....and I mean since I have been on the meds, I have never - ever - needed to wear deoderant. I know, it sounds nuts, but I never sweated at all - and if I did, it was odorless. (No, I'm NOT crazy....even the ex noticed this...lol....) Now, when I'm on Sub - and I noticed it last time, too....the odor coming from my pits is GANK. I mean, I put on deoderant three or four times a day now. What I'm thinking - and I'm pretty sure this is correct - is that it's all the toxins working their way outta my body. At least that makes sense to me....lol.... I'm also very nervous and jerky....every little thing gets me all worked up.... I'm sure being in so much pain doesn't help matters much... Man, as much as I think this Sub is great stuff, I can't wait to get back on my meds so I can function again. Which sucks also - to hafta rely on this crap to be able to live my daily life.

So how is everyone else doing? Hanging in there? Staying strong? You know....the little bit of reading I have been doing, I haven't seen anything from Jerry or Michelle. Has anybody heard from either of them? See what happens when I lose my internet and disappear for a while? Ugh.

Anyway.... I look forward to hearing from you ALL. And praying that everyone is doing great!

tat*

 
Old 01-04-2008, 12:58 PM   #4
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Hey tat.

I had the smell big time too. And you know what is really weird? The smell was the same during ANY detox from anything addictive, whether it was opiates, sleeping meds, barbituates... I was afraid that my customers would be able to smell that awful odor. It seemed to be coming out of the pores of my skin. I would take a shower, and it would come back within hours.

I'm glad that's over!

God bless,

mk

 
Old 01-04-2008, 01:11 PM   #5
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Yeah MK.....it's bad news!! I have it even if I dont sweat. It's crazy.

tat*

 
Old 01-04-2008, 05:13 PM   #6
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

I had intense perspiration on sub until I got down to 2 mg...It was so weird, like an intense hotflash, burning in the chest, and heavy beaded perspiration on my forehead, and it happened at least once a day.

Ang I totally agree....going back & forth from sub to a regular opiate is he**....which is good for sub program people...keeps us from slipping after learning that.

mano

 
Old 01-04-2008, 06:27 PM   #7
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Hey G8r, TAT !!! yoss, reach, jerry, mags, ems !!!

im here, i've definitely been doing a lot more reading than posting lately though. everything is going ok. well, not really as ok as i would like. i havent gone down on the sub, in fact, i think you would call what ive been doing abusing. i dont know what it is, but ive been under such stress lately with my mother and a couple things that have cropped up with my husband (the one who ive been seperated from for eternety) and i just cant deal.... so ive been taking that extra 2mg here and there. just like a freakin addict !!! well, im going away to mexico in 5 days with my best friend. just me and her. ive got real mixed emotions about it because my mom has really been giving me crud about watching my kids. i mean, if she wasnt willing to do it why did she tell me she would when i bought the ticket? so now i have to hear her telling me how rough its gonna be for her every day. and its got me feeling guilty about this trip that i've been planning for so long when i should be excited and happy. oh well. im hoping to just be able to relax and unwind and stop screwing with my dose so that i can get this taper under way again.
i do hope everyone is doing well. tat, its so good to see you are here again. the few times ive logged on i havent seen you on my buddy list. and i miss our chats, i really do !!!
g8r... ill keep you updated with my doses. ill have internet access while im in mexico. ill be there till the 20th and ill check in on everybody. how many mg are you on now?

talk soon all... good to be asked about.. thanks !

hugs, michelle

 
Old 01-04-2008, 07:22 PM   #8
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Quote:
Originally Posted by tat2duser View Post
Yeah MK.....it's bad news!! I have it even if I dont sweat. It's crazy.

tat*
Me too! The smelly stuff coming out of my pores was kind of waxy. I washed it off, and it would be back in few hours. Weird. I had to wash my bedding every couple days or the smell would drive me crazy. Maybe my liver looks like ground beef after all of that crap.

mk

 
Old 01-07-2008, 01:21 PM   #9
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

lol.. didn't think I'd get that many responses.. that's nice!

Ems, it's great to hear from you!! And sounds like you're doing great. It's always nice to go buy a smaller dress..

TAT!! I'm glad to know you're still hanging around.. I know what you mean about the 2 yr old. I have a 7 yr old and an 18 month old. Both boys. When they get sick, they are very clingy.. even the 7 yr old. Sometimes you can't catch a breath. I bet it's double hard for you.. I tell ya, you just don't know how much your story has influenced and inspired me. Taking care of 6 kids by yourself. Talk about the definition of a man. My husband can't last 1 hour with both boys without calling me.. lol Sad but true. I'm sorry you had to go back on the meds, but you know what? Sometimes we have no other choice and with what you have to deal with day to day.. I can't blame you at all. And I'm not saying you need to take the meds for emotional reasons, but for the physical. Anyway, thanks for the post!

Michelle, I was wondering about ya! I've finally got to the 4mg spot.. I'm pretty proud of that. It wasn't as hard as I imagined. I take the 4 in the morning and that's it. I really need to find a meeting to go to though. Now that my group therapy at my Dr's office is ending, I have to find a new place. That's kind of scary. You know, when you're used to going to one place and spilling your guts, now you have to find another and also new people. But I'm going to do it. I hope you have a wonderful time in Mehico!!! I'm going on a cruise in June to Mexico.. Stopping by the Florida Keys first.. I cannot wait! We need the relaxation.... Keep me posted!

g8trgrl

 
Old 01-08-2008, 01:52 PM   #10
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Hey G8tr Darlin!! So good to see you - and hear that you made the 'drop'. And THANKS a bunch for the kind words....you don't know how absolutely awesome it is to get a little pat on the back once in a while. =) Some days it just feels like what I'm doing is so thankless....man it's tough sometimes. But then someone like you comes around and throws a little praise around my way, and it makes me remember why I do it. Because I HAVE TO. It's sad, but my kids wouldn't stand a chance without me....I wouldn't change it for the world. They are my heart, my soul - my everything - and on those days when I feel like I just cant make it another step, all I hafta do is look into one set of their eyes, and it all makes sense again and gives me the strength I need to continue. I wont lie to you and tell you it's easy - it's actually hard as hell, especially with the pain i have on a day-to-day basis, but if I had to do it all over again, I'd be on it in a heartbeat!! And I know what you mean about the 'other half' being on the phone ten minutes after bein left alone with them.... I dropped the 3 lil ones off to their mom for their visit the other day, and she was on the phone to me 10 minutes later....lol..... Well Baby, if ya cant deal, then maybe ya shoulda stayed where ya were. heh heh heh.... She killed me this time around though with the crap she pulled over the holidays.... I think maybe she was just lonely and used me to make herself feel better for a couple weeks....and that sucks. She truly had me believing that she was coming home....not. I guess I had to learn that lesson the hard way, though....and I can tell you one thing is for sure, NEVER AGAIN. She will ever hurt me again. This time, I move on. God, I cant even tell you what it did to the kids, too.... She's gone for 6 months, then comes back for three weeks....then splits again.... <sigh> Not good. But anyway, I' babbling now, and I'm sorry. It just feels good soetimes to sit and let it all out. It's so damn hard too talk to my faily or friends about any of it, because of course they're trying to say all the right stuff to make me feel better, and all they do is badmouth her (thinking it helps), but it doesn't. What I realllllly need, is someone to just lay the cards on the table for me and be truthfull, but they dont do that, they just talk chit. lol...

So anyway.... Again, congrats on dropping down.... If you read the thread I started earlier, I had a crazy couple of days with the Sub and the meds....it just didn't make much sense to me... If it was THAT easy to come off the Sub, maybe I should just stay off....everything. But I think that's just a dream for me....cuz I know in reality that I just cant function on a daily basis w/o the meds. Try as I may, it's just NOT gonna happen...and that sucks, too.

So hang in there girl....you're doing AWESOME!! Keep rockin, and keep droppin....you'll be done and off before ya know it. Betcha' cant wait for that day, huh?

Hope everything else is great down there in gator country, and hope to hear back from you soon.

tat*

 
Old 01-08-2008, 02:55 PM   #11
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

You deserve more than a pat.. How about a Father of the Year award! You sound like you're feeling better physically. I did read your posts about switching from sub to the pain meds. That will mess with your head. It makes you feel weird mentally. I took a diet pill along with my sub, and I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown! It was scary. So needless to say I don't take that anymore. lol (sigh) It's so bad what your baby's mama did to you and the kids.. especially the children. I won't bad mouth her, But In my opinion you deserve someone a lot better.

I hope you continue to do better and keep postin and offering your words of enouragement!! It means more than you know.

Go Gators!!

Brandi

 
Old 01-08-2008, 07:44 PM   #12
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Still here --clean as ever!!! 2.5 months

O
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Old 01-08-2008, 08:06 PM   #13
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Awwww shucks....nawww. LOL....

Yah, I'm not feeling horrible....not great, but not horrible. Which I s'pose is something huh? And I know what you mean about what switching back and forth does to the mind.....AND body. It's awful. On top of all the other emotional crap I have going on in my life, I now have the screwed up mindset from going back n forth....not a good combination I tell ya. Hopefully though, I have it all good now. I THINK I have a decent crew of docs....but I guess only tie will tell. I did get some pretty crappy news today too.... Had some MRI's done last week, and got the results today. Not good...at all. I'm alllll screwed up back there. It sucks. Cuz now doc suggested yet another surgical consult - which I absolutely DONT wanna do....because I truly believe that the first surgery made me worse....by far. Soooo what to do....??? At this point I really dont have a clue. I hafta sit down and do a TON of thinking in the next couple of days. Just cant catch a break I tell ya....

And <sigh> yeah....I really think I DO deserve someone better....but to be honest, I dont think I'm EVER gonna let myself fall again....ever. I've gone and put my 'wall' back up - and this time, it's gonna stay up. I just cant go thru it again. I think what really bothers me, is that I did nothing - absolutely nothing - wrong. I took very good care of her....emotionally and physically.... I bought flowers, I opened doors, I pulled out chairs, I told her daily how much I loved her and how beautiful she was.... My only downfall was - in her own words - that she "just wasnt ready for this".....and she "wanted to live life a little". Pffffttttttt.....!!

SO G8tr my dear....like I said, it's really great to hear that you did well dropping your dose down. Keep going.....you can do this - really yoou can. (But you knew that already, didnt ya?) =)

tat*

 
Old 01-09-2008, 03:13 AM   #14
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Well I haven't responded here yet. Been lurking and reading all of your posts though.
Tat- I wish I could have posted to you earlier. There's no excuse, all I can say is that I've been limiting my posts in no particular order because of the neck spasms. I think you do deserve a pat on the back, hug (friendly hug) and some credit for doing what you are doing. I know about the wall, I have had mine up for about 5 years now, unfortunately I don't have any kids. I work for the two who I have been with since birth so it kind of makes up for it. I don't like being lied to, cheated on or the such. I also know how it feels when people bad mouth the other. Especially if you still miss them and are confused as to why they left again. Think of not taking the mothers back as a drug. It sometimes works, especially because it hurts the kids to see them go again, so why do we keep letting them in? Sounds like how we talk about the drugs doesn't it? Am I making any sense at all?
Grt8 I am glad to hear about the taper. I hope you can bring us some good news about it.
I gotta go know, I'm gonna yell at my brain for causing such exaggerated pain. lol
Mary Pat

 
Old 01-09-2008, 03:10 PM   #15
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Re: Where is everyone.. Yoss, Tat, Mags, Ohnotagain, Ems, etc..

Hey guys..

meddguy, that's awesome! 2.5 months is great. Keep it up!
Not counting the sub, I've been clean for almost 4 months. I can't believe it, but then again I can. Today, all I've taken is 2mgs. And honestly, I feel fine. A little tired, but ok. I know I'll probably take the other 2mgs before the night is over, but I'll still be at my 4!! Well, my 7 yr old is here to get me from work.. lol how cute. So I'll check back in soon!!

Love and prayers to you all,
Brandi
g8trgrl

ps - Tat, you're a big part of my strength.. keep posting!! Love Ya!!

 
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