Im just curious if anybody has been where I find myself-hopelessly addicted to large amounts of OC. I have been on now for almost 3 years, my current daily intake is around 450MG daily-I take 180MG just to get out of bed. I am prescribed this monthly for an injury that still hurts however doesnt require nearly what I drop daily. I dont even know why I take it, I havent gotten "high" in such a long time, even 210MG at once barely alters my mood. Its strange as Im so tired of the monthly drama of either running out or nearly doing so, counting pills, planning tapers that always get postponed until "tomorrow". Every time I get my script I always think "This month will be different, I'll gain control"-Ha! I feel so powerless, Im a high paid professional and have a great job, great wife (though she is getting tired of the OC cycle) Last month ago I ran 1 day short and felt the initial effect of what withdrawal feels like from this amount, I truly think I will require hospitilization if I were to try cold turkey, I have detoxed from 140mg a day a few years back for a week which was no picnic, my current amount is downright scary. Does anybody have any advice on how I can make a stand? Deep down I want to be free however I truly feel like Im possesed by OC-it absolutlely owns my mind. Any insight or advice is appreciated Peace
Hey Dry. I was exactly in your boat although not taking quite as much. I was taking 300 mg's a day. I quit cold turkey. You really do need to earn your way back to reality and it will not be easy. You need to take a week of vacation. You will absolutely not be able to function for at least 4 days. It is not lethal to stop but it is hell nonetheless. It is absolutely possible for you to stop you just have to make that decision. For me all the home detox and all the little remedies to make withdrawal "easier" didn't do much...you really do have to earn it. I personally thing EVERYBODY should earn it so they know what they went through. Alot of people go to detox centers and don't go through the hell and it makes going back to the drugs easier. Trust me...you detox cold turkey (and you can) you will have something very powerful in your mind keeping you from ever touching the oxy again.
dryseeker, when i read your post, i thought i wrote it, im goin throught the same thing, my dose is a little lower, but can still relate to everything. im just mainly tired of the cycle, breakin my back to get in to the doctors every month for a script, and trying to make them last with fear of running out early which happens all the time. im on about 120mg a day, this stuff takes over your mind body and soul, i need to get off!
Another option you might want to look into is subutex/suboxone. I, like a lot of people, just cannot take off work, or make the world stop spinning for a week while we punish ourselves for something we didn't ask for. Subutex gives you the option of getting off the oxys in a relatively painless way. It's the way I had to go, and everyone's different. But I couldn't physically stand the w/d's, and I have a family to take care of and a job to go to. It's something worth looking into. I was taking 60mg of methadone a day.. Now I'm almost off of the suboxone.. down to 4mgs a day. Been clean for almost 4 months.. and that's a good feeling.
Thanks for all your responses, for those of you find yourself in the same situation I wish you all the best and hope you can succeed. mmabox how was your mental state after your cold turkey episode? The reason I ask a few years back when I did kick for a week I got by the physical side of things (though not easily, it truly is a special kind of hell that cannot be accurately conveyed in words) however I was SO depressed I had to go back on just to maintain my marriage/job.
I need to talk to my Doctor, the crazy thing is as much as I hate this "lifestyle" on the day of my appointment I feel like Im homefree, a fresh script; life is good, blah blah blah. OC is so insidious once your in its grasp.
I have tried having my wife hide them & dispense them to me (always find them and take way more than I should) keeping them in a safe (This is great, since it was a cheap safe I went to Walmart and bought the same model and destroyed the one at home with the OC, took way too many, and just replaced it (the safe) with the new one) Im just amazed at the depths I go to for this crap.
Perhaps suboxone is in my future, the only problem is when I do have severe pain and actually have a legitimate need for OC Im not sure if the Sub will cut it.
Anyway thanks again for your responses, for some reason I feel better telling my story to people who really can relate, its so hard to understand if you havent walked this dreary road of addiction...................Peace
Dryseeker, the sub does have pain killing ability too... and it's so nice not having to watch the clock, or worry about running out, or your whole world revolving around how many pills you have left. Life is so much simpler on suboxone, and I'm sure at your dose it would be more than a few weeks of feeling bad going cold turkey. And you have already tried stopping at a lower dose so you know what it's like. Problem is, you have to really want to do it though, because that euphoria will be gone. Most everyone I know, with the exception of a few who didn't like it, said they felt like they had been lifted out of a fog. I think poeple with severe depression have the hardest time adjusting to suboxone. You might have to see a specialist though if you decide to try it...most doctors can't/don't prescribe it.