OF COURSE I remember you.....!! How coud I forget? LOL. Welcome Back....weren't you in Australia or something? heh heh.... What's shaking? Are you doing ok? From the looks of your post I wasn't so sure.
Well, yes, I enjoyed my little hiatis to Austraila...down under...but am glad to be back to the land of the healthboards. I've REALLY been struggling. I stooped to levels, in my brain, that I'm not proud of. Like thinking of, well scheming, more like it...how to get more vics. Thankfully, none have come to fruition. I just can't get my brain wrapped around WHY the hello operator I still want, crave, the darn things SO much. Why???
Anyway, no harm done since last on...just A LOT of WANTING them. Like, I want a lifetime supply of them. It's crazy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with your ex...how hard that must be. Honey, if you lived anywhere near me, I'd be there for you. What a great guy you are.
I've missed you...and everyone...need lots o' support right now. Just trying to understand my cravings...
I know exactly what you are going through all to well. I'm going through the withdrawl process now but soon those ugly craving's will be kicking in. I wish it was as easy as saying no more and thats's it done end of subject. I do feel each day getting a little better but I still think of the way it was all the time. I have caught myself a few times this week standing at the kitchen counter thinking ..well it's 8:00 usually I would be high now stairing at the tv but now it's like what the heck do I do with all this time? Thats when I usually give in and start back to my old habits it because i'm bored. I can't believe how much these pills control your life. I am determined to make it though.
It's hard to look at the time when you used to be high and have to deal with it sober.. trust me, that's one of my things now. I'm learning though not to stress so much and take it one day/evening at a time. Hang in there, I don't remember who you were before, maybe I wasn't on here, I don't know. But we're all in this together!! I'm currently tapering from sub... And I've made it down to 4mgs a day.. Now next week I will try for 3.5.. And try not to have anxiety about it, and not fear it. JUST DO IT.. lol
It's just so much different for me these days. I just don't understand. A year ago, when I went ct off the vics (only took 2/day though), the wds weren't terrible and somehow, the mental part was still the toughest part, but not INSANE. All I had to do was remember the INSANITY of all the pill counting and recounting...those nutso behaviors...and I'd be so relieved that I wasn't in that spot anymore and intended NEVER to go back there...to that nasty place.
Then, after a year, I get a new RX for a dental procedure....and, it started all over again...but way, way worse. I wasn't nearly as obsessive with the counting, but I was taking them...a lot. 6-7/day. I had a flippant attitude about it...like, if ya got 'em, smoke 'em phrase of long ago. Because I can't seem to "taper", again, had to quit CT. Which I did. WDs much worse this time around. But, I got thru it. NOW, what, 2 months later and I"M STILL OVERWHELMED with WANTING THEM. WHY? It's scaring me because I had some "line" before and now, mentally, I've starting thinking about "faking" stuff to get a new RX. I NEVER used to have thoughts like that. Now, I'm consumed by them. Really. I've NOT acted on them and I don't intend to, but the fact that they are there is what is driving me nuts.
Anyone else relate to this?
Weekends are especially hard, because I'm home with the kiddos all day and night....times like that, is when I FONDLY recall the vics and how much of a better mother I was on them because I could clean up, cook, play, and nothing bothered me. Now, the incessent, Mommy, mommy, mommy watch this, watch this, I'm bored, What's for dinner, etc drive me batty. UGH. They are such blessings to me and I hate myself for getting so ANNOYED. But, it's true. I do. So this is why I have decided a lifetime supply of vics is in order!! LOL. KIDDING.
LOL Yoss.... Buddy, I'd NEVAH forget about you. I have posted ya somewhere....damned if I remember where though. Just seem like you're here and gone quick lately....and your time spent is usually helping someone....I dont wanna take away from that. I have been keeping up on you though....seems like you're doing great - and that's awesome Brother. Quitting smoking though? You're a better man than I am. That's the one thing I just cant seem to give up....
Anyway my friend....sorry I've been such a bad friend...lol....I promise to keep in better touch....really.
you aint been a bad friend hombre!! i just cant keep track on your posts!!!! you're a one man posting machine you'll be a 'veteran' member in no time. as i said earlier - i was well pleased that your xmas was good one (for the kids) - i kept my fingers crossed all through december for that miracle before xmas!! i was also gutted to hear about your problems with your ex. i hope things are starting to feel better/heal.
it feels like a hell of a long time since we were posting to each other like 2 tennis players firing balls back and forth over a net - tho it was actually only a 2 months ago!!!
take care amigo - i also promise to stay in touch more regularly (as regularly as i possibly can )
keep on keepin on
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
Last edited by Yossarian22; 01-12-2008 at 11:25 AM.