Yesterday I found this story on another recovery board, maybe some of you read it but I want to share it with you because reading this just shines a new light on my recovery. I think maybe her name was Mary (not sure) and her husband just gotten married. Life was going great for them until she injured herself and was put on oxy's. Of course the first time it was an instant rush and she loved the way she felt. Months went by with her taking more and more, then her husband just wanted to experiment with maybe just taking one just to see what it was like..He was instantly hooked. A year went buy with them both so high that they barley knew eachother anymore. One night they of course were high as a kite they both passed out in bed. the next morning she woke up to find her husband completley blue..he was gone. There is so much more to her story.. her feelings and guilt...I just couldn't type it.
I know this is not the only story that has ended up with death. Reading her words I felt like she was right in front of me telling me this will happen if you keep living your life this way. Last night I was thinking what if one of my children walked in and found their mommy completely blue...trying to wake me up crying mommy, mommy wake up but it was to late. How selfish am I... it makes me sick to my stomach... I mean this could of been me easly. I know to many times I have been on the couch passed out. I never know what that would do to them and with that I AM DONE. I will not do this to my husband nor my kids. I want to see them grow up and get married and have babies of their own.. I want to grow old with my husband sit on the front porch in our rocking chairs side by side. I want to live life again.. I've missed to much over these years being high.... I refuse to let pills take all of this away from me. Maybe an angel was there with me yesterday brought me to this sight and made me read her story. I will never know why I found her story ...but I think she may of saved my life. I will endure these withdrawls, cravings, and what ever else it takes to make it for myself, my husband, and my children. I may still compalin and of course need all of my friends here without all of you and your kick in the butts I would be trying to find pills some way. I just wanted to share this with all of you.
Thanks Winnie, for that extra push. I don't know if you feel like I do but I am sending healing vibes to you. You can do this. My mind plays tricks on me and only remembers the floaty great part of using, it tends to forget the horrendous daily guilt, the constant pushing down of feelings, and really NOT feeling good 90% of the time. So I keep reminding myself of how they really affect me, not the idealized carefree picture that keeps telling me to take a pill. How are you doing? Are you still tapering or are you off completely? I am off now for 5 days. I get occasional sweats, stomach aches, and achy bones-most of which can be remedied by Advil and Immodium AD. You go girl!
Whenever you're feeling bad and wanting a pill and feeling like you cannot take it anymore, you come here and read this post. Remember how you feel at the moment when you typed it. It's some great momentum..
wow, Winnie! you rock! talk about putting things into perspective! I think we (usually meaning me) tend to think our own problems are so much worse and so much more painful than others////what an eye opener that one is! One question, how is Mary? Is she ok?
Lisa62.... I am off completely and have been for three days now and doing pretty good. As they say each day gets better but when you start withdrawing it's really hard to beleive but it is true. I try to keep busy so my mind is not constantly thinking about the pills. I to am still restless, and achy bones and muscles, but i keep thinking this my body trying to get well and think of it as a positive. Your five days pill free and I three ...It's kinda like were withdrawing buddies Good luck this weekend keeping pushing through!!
Scrappingmami... From what i've read it's only been a few months since this happened ...but from her post she is positive and clean. That's all it really says.
hang in there Winnie! at day 3 there is no way to go back...all that for nothing.....i will say prayers for you... of course, i don't want to sound like i am saying it would be for nothing if you slipped....i just want to encourage you, when we fail we just have to pick ourselves up and keep going...
How is everybody doing?? I've missed ya Yoss!! Well it's a new week and I think I've made it through the worst of the withdrawl process and I'm prepared for the depression.. so I think. I had a pretty good weekend some cravings but not bad. My husband and I invited some friends over to play cards which we haven't did that in many many years it was a great time.. I laughed so much. I'm starting to see what these evil pills have taken from me and I am determined beyond words to make it this time.