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Old 01-15-2008, 09:28 PM   #1
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JustAnotherUser HB User
Trying this for a second time.. hopefully my last.

Hello All,

Well isn't this the same old sob-story...

I've been an opiate, oxycodone specifically (ab)user for almost three years now. This past October I finally decided to quit cold turkey - I did and was actually clean for about a month. But then, in my arrogance, I thought I had finally gotten it under control and that I was somehow able to properly wrangle the demon and what would it hurt taking a few here and there?

Boy was I wrong.

I fell hopelessly back under its grasp and what's worse is I have been taking even more than I was before. I was so wrong to think I was capable of controlling it... I was free... I was feeling better... and then I went and screwed it all up. It absolutely pains me to think where I'd be at right now had I just kept on track and now I'm going to have to go through all of it again.

But the fact remains I can't keep this up for SO many reasons, even if it means feeling like absolute crap again for the next week or two. I just took my last pills tonight and God help me, I'm not going to take anymore. I can't do the whole taper thing... if I have the pills I'm going to take them, plain and simple - cold turkey is the only way I can do it, as unpleasant as it may be.

I plan on going out tomorrow and picking up a few necessities - immodium, l-tyrosine, b-complex, broad-spectrum multi-vitamin, and a big bottle of advil. As well as trying to get back on a regular eating schedule... Oatmeal is going to be my friend for the next week, as well as copious amounts of green tea.

I never reached out to anyone the last time I did so and I think had I done so, I may have been able to avoid this whole relapse. But it is what it is and no one is to blame but myself.

I just hope that this time I have the wherewithal to do it right this time. I hope to get to know some of you, to learn from you, and to maybe even help some of you along the way.

Wish me luck and hopefully I'll be talking to all of you soon.

- JustAnotherUser

 
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Old 01-16-2008, 06:18 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Raleigh NC USA
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2young2hurt HB User
Re: Trying this for a second time.. hopefully my last.

Try the Sleepy Time tea too as well as Valerian Root to help with the sleep issue. It does help along with exercise to keep natural endorphins going.
GOOD LUCK

 
Old 01-16-2008, 07:14 AM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: united states
Posts: 185
Winnie31 HB User
Re: Trying this for a second time.. hopefully my last.

I know how you feel.. I to have relapsed many times. Those awfull cravings are what get me everytime. I'm one week clean and the last week has been a struggle and will always be a struggle for the rest of my life. I'm still suffering a little with the sleep but everything else has gotten a little better day by day!!.

What i've learned from being on this board is there are many people in the same shoes. They have helped me through and honestly without their push I think I would have relapsed by now. Everytime I want to give up I come and type my feelings... this is the one place that you can just let everything out. Let us help you and you can help us we can all do this together.

Winnie

 
Old 01-16-2008, 09:19 AM   #4
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Mitchem85 HB User
Re: Trying this for a second time.. hopefully my last.

I would be almost willing to bet that everyone in here has been in your shoes.

I too have quit for abou a month, cold turkey.. as hard as it was then i did the same thing as you did and thought, "hey i feel good today! you know what will make me feel a little better? some methadone or someoxys.. i quit before no problem, i can control it."

yea right.. that's the slippery slope from hell if there ever was one.
everyone i talk to that quits, then goes back using ends up doin 3 times more pills then they were before you quit.

I will be praying for you and I too am about 7 days clean and its getting easier and easier.

<removed>

everyone is different in there recovery process and alot of people go through big depressions after they get over an obstacle like alot of us are facing right now and have faced.

So just hang in there and know you're tough and know that you wont let a substance beat you.

Ya know, us humans can be reallly gooood at bouncing back after tragedies.

I hope everything works out for you!

Last edited by mod-anon; 01-17-2008 at 03:49 AM. Reason: disallowed topic - illegal drugs

 
Old 01-16-2008, 12:08 PM   #5
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What Winners Do HB User
Re: Trying this for a second time.. hopefully my last.

What is positive about your story is that you have already fallen for your addictive thinking convincing you that you can just do it this one time.

Now you know that you can't and as long as you keep that fresh in your mind you'll be in good shape.

Just like many others including yourself, I had let my guard down and let my addiction make me doubt the severity of my problem..."if I could stop taking them then I wasn't really addicted", "I'm making more out of this than it really was"...stuff like that.

I just try to remember what is was I actually went through in my very early recovery and it's lets me be reminded that I'm an addict.

 
Old 01-16-2008, 12:34 PM   #6
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2
JustAnotherUser HB User
Re: Trying this for a second time.. hopefully my last.

Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement, it means a lot. Things have been relatively calm so far.... I know it's only the first day, but I'm trying to be proactive about it. I've been up and about, went to a couple different stores looking for all of my necessities, I honestly felt a little "pick-me-up" with the amino-acid complex I took - just goes to show how long it's been since my body had some proper nutrition. I went in to work for a bit since this may be the last time this week that I might feel like it, although I am going to try going in again tomorrow for a bit as well.

It is supposed to be sunny tomorrow for a change, so I might just <removed> take a drive down to the creek. It's been quite some time since I've gotten any real amount of sunshine - so it'll be good to get the old vitamin D flowing again.

I'm going to try an interesting experiment this time - I'm going to tell myself that I'm fine, maybe a little under the weather, but overall am fine. Last time I got so caught up in the entire notion of "withdrawing" that I think it only made the situation worse. Instead of just lying around like I did last time, I'm actually going to go out and do stuff and just to remain active. I also think that's part of the reason I had so much trouble sleeping last time as well. I've got all of this pent up energy from doing nothing for so long that now I actually have to go and burn some of it up.

The bottom line is I can't keep this up... I just can't do it any longer. I just have to find a way to be stronger than myself. I will overcome this... the only thing I have to worry about it what lie on the other side.

Last edited by mod-anon; 01-17-2008 at 03:50 AM. Reason: disallowed topic - illegal drugs

 
Old 01-17-2008, 02:59 AM   #7
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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addictwife HB User
Re: Trying this for a second time.. hopefully my last.

Hi:
I wish you all the best with your second attempt. I have never been an addict but as my name implies, I am a wife of one. Life has become so unbearable for us because of my husband's addiction. I personally can relate to all the stories mentioned below about relapsing. My husband started doing heroin 4 years ago. He has this 'character defect' that turned out to be a common defect in all addicts: "I am different than everybody else! Others do it and get addicted, I don't because I am in control. I know what I am doing, the devil won't beat me, I am smarter than the devil." These are the thoughts that most addicts have during cravings and its the 'arrogance' that takes them down I guess. the summer before last my husband was clean for 6 months and started feeling actually good about himself, about how he stopped without any medical help...etc and he decided to reward himself with a heroin hit !!! he has been clean for 6 months after all and can be confident that this one hit won't get him hooked!
Now that he relapsed after that episode, It has been 1.5 years of trying to stop without success. He has gone through several detox only to start doing it again. I am glad that he has finally realised that detox won't do it. Detox is merely a prerequiste to treatment. Now he is at a rehab that follows the 12-step program. At one point you need psychological treatment, and the medications have limits to what they do to you. Apologies for the very long post, I don't want to disappoint you in any way, If you can get clean and manage your cravings alone this way, good for you. However if you fail, seek a NA program, something to manage the little devil within your mind.
Addiction is a terrible disease that consumes not only your life but the life of all those around you who care about you. I wouldn't be posting this if I felt any better than you do.

 
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