just finished my dinner - shaved my head - and im off out for a run once i have digested sufficiently.
feeling damn good at the moment (not looking it tho ) but hey 1 out of 2 aint bad!
you're sounding pretty positive yourself these days winnie? - as i said on another post - im impressed with how far you've come since joining - i know you're going to keep it up. im off to Sheffield for the weekend - so wont be able to post till late on sunday. so have a great weekend - you deserve it (you 2 inhguy - you've also come along way in such a short time - keep on keepin on!
ps i hope EVERYONE has a great weekend
"Yeah, Im through with sleeping on the sidewalk,
No more beating my brains,
With liquor and drugs."
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
I feel pretty good! but at this point I have to keep going forward.... I can't live through this being down and so depressed. Do I have crapy days...of course... sometimes I don't want to do anything... but I pick my butt up off the floor and drag it behind me I have to keep on keepin on like you say...Right!!
Well have a great weekend and I will talk to ya on Monday.
Last edited by Winnie31; 01-18-2008 at 01:35 PM.
Reason: missspelled word
picking yourself up when all you want to do is veg out - now THAT is commendable. soldiering on, its what the first part is all about. but you will feel better/happier/healthier - its on the horizon, keep focused on it winnie - not long now.
take care - i'' be thinking of you.
"Yeah, Im through with sleeping on the sidewalk
No more beating my brains
With liquor and drugs".
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
Hey Winnie I'm here. I have been lurking but I too was depressed for a couple of days to the point of feeling like I was in a coma. I did not feel that I could pick my butt up off the floor to do things. How do you do that? I commend you for that. You are doing great, I know it's not a cake walk and things don't always feel great. How long has it been now? Is this the longest you have gone, or is this time any different than the others? You sound like your looking at it or doing this a different way. I hope we keep progressing together.
Thought this might be a good spot to share some updates. My biopsies came back clean! Hurray! So far, all my tests have come back negative. I will meet with my doctor again in a few days to decide where we go from here. Without elaboration, I will share that it is an issue of the bowels.
In the meantime, some heart irregularities were detected in Hubby when he went for a routine colonoscopy the other day. Now the gamet of tests are being run on him concerning this. He is a man who sets an example of only crossing bridges when and if they show up. I am learning this from his examples as well as my experiences this past year. It sure leads to a calmer daily life.
Today's exciting life will bring me sewing a pillow that has been ripped for a year, cooking a pot of beans, and then taking a nap. (We had to get up really early for his tests today). When I get up, I will see what happens then. Smiles.
I am keeping up with you guys even if I do not post to you as much. Wishing you all well and celebrating each step with each of you.
See you around the berry patch
PS to Captnanny... I was reading on another thread where you posted. Sometimes I honestly believe that the love and attention you shower on your little charges is really the love and attention you still crave from your own childhood with all its issues. Capt? You can love yourself. You can be as good and kind to yourself as you are to those children and love yourself with the same fierceness and passion. Because you may feel a lack of having had it for yourself does not mean you are not worthy of it! You are, Sweetpea. Try transferring some of that tender love and care to your very own self.
Thanks Reach. It is something I have been working on. Well not exactly, but along those lines. When I find myself irritated at the older one, sometimes she totally disrespects me, I have to say to myself that until I can respect and love myself, she will mirror my feelings of me. It is kind of the job of a seven year old to test the boundaries of love. It is my job to be there and not get shattered when this occurs. It is very hard when I don't love myself. So I have been repeating to myself daily that I am worthy, and it is safe to love myself. It's hard, I don't always do it, but I can catch myself now a little faster than before.
PS It is so cold out here that I just want to stay inside all covered all day. I think the temp is like -10 without the windchill! BRRRURRRRR
I was getting worried about you.. hadn't heard from you in some time. I'm sorry you've been having a rough time of it. I know all of us are going to in some time of our recovery.. But something you just said hit me hard.. I have a 7 yr old. And I can tell he's been testing me also, and I don't love myself. So I guess until I do, maybe he will keep being the way he is.. it's something to think about.. but how do you start forgiving yourself? And loving yourself again?? (Maybe that's something Reach will have to answer for me) I honestly don't know how to start.
I have absolutely no idea when loving yourself replaces the shame and hating yourself begins. I do know that right now I am in the opiate withdrawal depression AND situational depression. It feels like a double wammy that will never get better.
Some, ok most of the books that I have been reading talk about changing your thoughts first. Like instead of putting yourself down, start a daily routine of telling yourself, "I am ok, I love myself" They say to look in the mirror and notice if it is hard or not. I still have a hard time saying this to myself in front of a mirror. What I have done though is the kids call me Nanny, so I can look in the mirror and say "I love you Nanny." It's weird. I don't do it all the time.
Right now, I feel I am in the total pit of depression. It is hard to motivate, my heat is not working which makes it even harder and my mom is pushing me to do more, get off the taper faster, just buck up and step out of the depression. I don't need that right now.
Well sorry if I depressed the hell out of you guys. I sure did myself, but I am going to tell myself good things today. YES I AM RECOVERING, I AM MAKING PROGRESS AND I AM ALRIGHT.
Is this a tough Monday or what? Everybody including myself are down in the dumps today. Trying to get motivated but it's not working so well. I can't wait till this snow and cold is over I'm ready for warm weather. I saw a commercial on tv for a Jamica vacation..... what I would give to be on the beach in the warm sand grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
tell me about it.. it's even cold in Florida.. ugh. I was off today, did some shopping. I just hate this weather!! I may have to start my boot camp when it's warmer. I cannot get motivated in this cold!! Warm weather is much needed..