so i was doing pretty good. got off the oxycontins and only took percosets. I been controlling it, maybe 10mgs at a time twice a day or three times a day. Well today I am ****** at myself.
I spent $50 today and bought 10 of them. I bought them at around 2:30pm and it's now 7:30pm and took all of them already.
I was on my way home at 3pm and was fine. Then came home and started feeling depressed, then I went back out to the store at about 6pm and all of a sudden while I was driving I had a break down. I started sobbing hysterically. How the hell could I take so many? Why the hell did I spend so much money when there are bills that i'm behind on? Why the hell do I need them? Why am I addicted.
I remember how my addiction started.
Two years ago I was dating a man whom I was in love with (or so I thought) untill I found out I was pregnant with his child and he was not happy, made me and I mean he beat me untill I got an abortion, a few weeks later I found out he had been engaged to another female for two years already! That weekend I found out which was mothers day weekend, I had a prescription in my purse for vicadins for a toothache. As I was crying and sobbing on my way over to confront him about how I just found out he was cheating because his girlfriend answered his phone when I called, I took a pill for a toothache and within 20 minutes I stopped crying. That whole weekend I kept taking those vicadins to stop me from crying.
THAT IS HOW I BECAME ADDICTED.
Since then in May of 2005 I have been addicted to pills to stop depression.
So today I broke down, started crying and hated myself for ever taking my first pill 2 years ago.
No wonder my life hasn't improved in two years. I've accomplished nothing in these past two years.
Thats my story. It felt good to share it