Don't know if you guys have heard but Health Ledger was found dead today in his New York city Apartment. Many rumors are going around now but most web sights are saying pills were found around his bed. They think cause of death was an overdose.
Of course pills have to be involved......sure hits home!!!
I know people have strong opinions about Rush Limbaugh but....
The couple of times I have listened to him speak on the radio about his addiction to pain pills...it amazes me how Joe Everyman he then sounds. To know he probably went through the same w/d's, whether it was cold turkey or tapered, his pain, fever, chills, nausea, longing...is generally the same no matter that he's in a different tax bracket than me. Yes, I'm sure he went to a comfortable rehab center, but kicking drugs is generally kicking drugs, I think.
When I feel weak, I do think about him and am grateful that I control how many people know about me -- maybe a hundred of you have read my posts. How would I like millions of people - and of that, a large proportion hostile? Look how we react when someone posts something we think inappropriate or insensitive? They get banned. He just has to keep plodding on, trying to stay sober like we do.
It does make him seem a lot more human and "normal" and I wish him continued successes.
Wow droopyeyes, you just said it in a nutshell. "Don't seek permament solutions for temporary problems." That is so engrained in my head right now. I have been saying something like that for the past couple of days since I am facing depression from tapering AND depression from PTSD. I no longer want to even look at suicide as an option, I also no longer want to look at opiates as an option.
Life for me needs to be looked at in a new light. That's where the tough part comes in. I'm 38 years old, and for about 11 months now I have come to realize that I no longer want to be a slave to living to die. My background is one of violence and such dysfunction that who knows how I survived. Some of my family members have not. Anyway, from the age of 4 my dad told me that death is to be embraced, sought after and we should do it together. Why he didn't is beyond me. Bottom line is I don't think anyone really wants to die. It is the fear of living that people struggle with. For me as a four year old, having that engrained in my head almost on a daily basis did not seem unusual. I always felt at the pit of my stomach that something was not right. Something inside of me did not want to feel that way.
So right about a year ago, I made the decision to live for me, not because that is what the doctors were saying or because it's what "I'm supposed to do" It was what I wanted to do. I still was using, of course. I came clean, admitted that I needed help for good this time with it. I always tried to get off it, but never made it through.
Now I am trying to live, going through the tapering and recovering process. The depression really grabs hold of me. I finally made a decision for myself, that I need to take a medical leave from school so the added pressure won't iterfere or make my depression worse. I contacted a very supportive friend and will be babysitting her two year old, then having pizza movie night like twice a week along with my other job. I started excercising this morning, hopefully I will keep it up.
I am sorry I got so off the subject but those words struck the very core of my being. Thank you for reminding us all that temporary problems are only TEMPORARY. I wish Heath would have seen that if he was intentionally trying to do it.
Wow Capt great post!!! You sound a lot better and have a plan for yourself!!
Kinda been following the Health Ledger news and now they say that yes they did find sleeping medication but it was not all over the floor like previous reports. They found a perscription sleeping medication and an anti-anxiety medication. They also said that he had been suffering from pneumonia.
I also watched an interview that he had done a while back and he said that "if he would die he would be at piece because a part of him would live on through his daughter". He was only 28 years old!!. So sad!!
It's sad that these so-called "stars" don't usually take up spiritual inquiry at some point. Some of you may have heard of Andy Kaufman, a being way ahead of his time. He played Latka on Taxi. Here was someone who, had he lived longer, truly would have had an impact on how people viewed themselves and life in general.
The poor guy died just trying to get some sleep. He didn't know that benzo and benzo type meds actually worsen a pre-existing insomnia and lose their effects on sleep over time. The meds cause dependance(brain can literally stop producing it's own GABA) and at the same time the brain usually sets up a defense against the chemicals(tolerance), so the person is left with no sleep at all at some point or very little(he was getting only 1 hour on Ambien).
The sheer torture of the lack of sleep no doubt caused anxiety,thus the prescriptions for anti-anxiety pills, which unfortunately are basically the same type of drugs as the sleeping meds so the effects(depressant) are compounded on the respiratory and circulatory system.
So, accidental overdose is very easy with these drug combos/drug cocktails that doctors commonly prescribe because what one person can tolerate might kill another.
I highly doubt he was an abuser or addict of these drugs, unless you want to say he was addicted to needing sleep!
If he had the time (apparentely he was overworking around this time) to research the drugs rather than depend on doctors (sad we can't totally depend on them anymore when it comes to drugs) he might have learned enough to deal with his insomnia differently instead of going down the path he did.
Another possibility also is that he could have been trying to get off the drugs at some point....when taking benzos on a regular basis, one must not try to skip doses or stop abruptly because yes he could have a heart attack, stroke or seizure in that case. Benzos are the type of drug that can kill you getting off of them if you are not careful!
I believe these scenarios will not be explored enough, however, as it seems no matter what, media always tries to protect Big Pharma, after all, they are sponsers of many T.V programs. I mean, try getting through one program or newscast without one of those annoying drug commercials...impossible!
I'm sure in the end, Heath or nature will be blamed, not the drug practices of modern medicine.....but hopefully, his death will not be in vain and people will think about this issue and not buy into that
Now, how do I know all this? When I heard the story, my heart sank because I, at one time, went through what he did. Only I did end up researching the benzos and managed, after a long withdrawal period, to get my natural sleep back.
It's interesting to note, my doctor wanted me to increase the dosage to double at one point although in the beginning he said my dose was already a high one.
I had gotten to the point where even 2mgs of Ativan would still leave me awake all night. Klonopin, Ativan, Ambien, Restoril, even an AD was tried.
I barely slept on pills, when I got off, same thing but very slowly and gradually, I started to get a little natural sleep here and there, and eventually a nightly pattern came back but it took forever and yes it was torture I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy!!!! I feel sorry for Heath, I know what he must have been going thru.