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Old 01-23-2008, 09:59 PM   #1
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New to this...Gastric bypass with Vicodin addiction

Hello everyone...
I am new to this site. Just stumbled on it tonight. I think I kinda like it so far. I have read a few threads and thought maybe I would start one of my own to find out if anyone else out there has had gastric bypass.

My doctor said this to me before surgery but I didn't get it...."We can rearrange your plumbing, but YOU have to comit to rearranging your thinking".

I am almost 7 years out now..I have lost a significant amount of weight but I never changed my thinking...

Post op care instructions included an RX for liquid vicodin...Food was no longer my friend, I welcomed my new friend with open arms...

Fast forward to 1year ago...admitted myself into detox out of sheer panic at the realization of what I was doing to myself...In the middle somewhere I had twins...My new friend gave me the energy it took to work full time and come home and care for twins. Then fibromyalgia reared its ugly head...The drug became a routine part of my life...no doctor in their right mind would give me as much as I could take...but somehow I got up to 20-30 pills per day...a high on top of a high...always looking to go higher but afraid to do *drugs*...what a joke..Vicodin is my heroin. My meth. My alcohol. MY ADDICTION....
Physically, I am not addicted...Mentally I was a slave to it.
I had a little over a year sober...its creeping back in...I feel proud that I got my doctor to prescribe it to me again after this amount of time...I feel like I accomplished something...Well, today, I think I ingested around 20 pills...I take them in 4's every few hours...Darvocet though so its ok, right?

WRONG...

Tomorrow is my day 1 for the second time

*I know I can be hard to follow at times, my thoughts are random, raw, right from the brain and unprocessed...I hope you all can follow my dotted path*

 
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Old 01-24-2008, 05:11 AM   #2
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Re: New to this...Gastric bypass with Vicodin addiction

Hello Mom

The story is not new, but the poster is. Smiles. Welcome.

Mom, it is good to hear that you are trying to get off the pills. It needs to happen. Drugs do, as you wrote, become a routine part of our lives. We eat, we sleep, we wake up, we pop pills. It is a vicious cycle and the habit of it is very easy not to think about at all. Think about it and we have to face the facts of our use. We have to face our adiction. We have to face the fact that we are not using the drugs for the intended purpose of pain relief, but rather using just to somehow enhance our lives in a warped way, for warped reasons.

The thinking about why we use, why we continue to use even when we recognize a problem with our using... we either get the thinking changed or nothing changes in the end. We can not change that thinking without help. It just doesn't happen that way. We need to engage with others about our thinking so that it can be challenged, so that we can understand and really accept new ways to think.

I believe that DAY 1 must start with many things in place to find true success in getting clean and staying clean. To physically get off drugs is hard, but certainly needed. To stay off them is even harder and lots of help is certainly needed. Medical help and brain help. For me, I worked with my family doctor for the medical withdrawal. I also worked with a social worker to help me with the thinking. I had to come to understand why I would put a greater priority on using drugs than on other things in my life. In the end, I gained a better perspective on issues that were off-balance in my life.

Please, don't jump into this on your own. Sit with a doctor, tell your story, develop with him a plan that includes not just how to get off the drugs, but how to change the thinking and not see drugs as a needed part of your life. Perhaps NA, AA or a therapist. We can not be an island in this process or we end up floating at sea with a vast nothingness before us.

Come back and share more. I wish you well in the task in front of you.

With hope
reach

 
Old 01-24-2008, 12:25 PM   #3
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Re: New to this...Gastric bypass with Vicodin addiction

It's a lesson we all have to learn. We get clean and some time goes by and we forget how bad things really were and think now maybe I can control this. And we might be able to control it, for a short time.

Thank God you realized now what is happening all over again. Reachouts advice was excellent....seek counceling of some smart...NA, SMART recovery, private or group counceling...something. It really can make a difference and help you change your way of thinking. I know some of the REBT tools I learned at SMART changed the way I think, and private and group counceling has helped wonders. I'm even trying some NA meetings now myself, which i have always been opposed too, hoping to try and get some local group type support.

Being a Mom can work to your advantage. It forces you to be active which helps the whole recovery process. Keep us posted. Please let tomorrow be day 1 again, for your and your familes sake. Best wishes to you!! You can do this!

mano

 
Old 01-24-2008, 10:29 PM   #4
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addictedmomof3 HB User
Re: New to this...Gastric bypass with Vicodin addiction

I learned today that day 1 the second time around, is just as hard as day 1 was the first time around...only the 1st time around my body was addicted and I had to do it medically....this time, its just my brain that WANTS to swallow a pill, or 5..

You guys talk of getting outside help...thing is...I just am so afraid of looking that vulnerable outside my walls...I cant admit to anyone whats going on because of a lurking evil ex husband thats always hungry for something to run me into court for to get my 10yr old all to himself...being seen at an NA meeting would ruin me...I thought maybe just being on something like these boards would help me not feel as isolated as i would be otherwise...

I know I dont need medical detox...Im not to the point where I am taking them every day, but when i can get them, they are gone in a very ridiculous amount of time and then the hunt begins to find more... I dont even have the guts to get a running RX from a doctor for them for fear the RX would be something he could use against me...so, shamefully, I have had to find other avenues...yet, what do you think a police report from a sting in my Safeway parking lot would do for a custody case???

Yes...that is why today was day 1...again.

Whats strange is, I have 50 pills left...somehow, I am holding them hostage...is that strange that I feel like i have some sort of extra power over them by not having to get rid of them to be able to do this...? I feel like throwin them away or flushing them or whatever is the easy way out...im, in a way, facing my demons...probably a bad move huh?

 
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