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Old 01-26-2008, 10:08 PM   #1
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Lisa62 HB User
3 Weeks and it's Still Rough

I am 3 weeks clean after at least 8 years of abusing Vicodin and whatever other painkillers I came across. I have detailed all that in previous posts. I still feel crappy. Not the detox, I can't get out of bed crappy, but lack-luster and irritated by almost everyone. Here are a few things I have found to be true:

1) My problems have not vanished BUT I am not hiding from them in a drug fog that makes me feel guiltier and starts a bad cycle.

2) And although my sister died 4 years ago of cancer and I was diagnosed right after her and went through treatment for 2 years .....it is NOT unique and every one in this life experiences loss and pain but they don't necessarily take drugs to deal with it.

3) Exercise is the ONLY thing that makes me feel better, both physically and mentally during this period.

4) As hard as it is......I still want to stay clean so that in 6 months I can look back and know how much better I feel.

I am grumpy but I am still trying.

Last edited by Lisa62; 01-27-2008 at 09:59 AM.

 
Old 01-26-2008, 11:14 PM   #2
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ReadyToBeDone HB User
Re: 3 Weeks and it's Still Rough

Keep going Lisa. The first 30-60 days is the hardest. Enlist the support of others, and put recovery first. You are worth it.

RTBD

 
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Old 01-27-2008, 01:07 AM   #3
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emsmom HB User
Re: 3 Weeks and it's Still Rough

Hello Lisa,

Wow, you're three weeks clean?? Thats amazing!! I am still tapering from oxy's and this is a tough road, but hearing about people like you gives me so much encouragement

You should be very proud of yourself. I'm sure its hard, but look where you are now

Thanks for sharing, hope you are ok

Love and hugs,
emsmom

 
Old 01-27-2008, 11:43 AM   #4
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hydronomore HB User
Re: 3 Weeks and it's Still Rough

Lisa,

I am at 3.5 weeks mark (this Weds. will be 4 weeks for me) and it still "no piece of cake." My pain is very managable but this nagging depression I feel is hindering me from going to the next level of recovery. People that know me best (wife, mother, best friend, etc.) can tell that I'm not the same jovial and fun person that I used to be while taking. By the way - all these people are well aware of me quitting. While at work, I'll paste a smile on my face and muscle my way through most days and even at times completely forget about the hydros, but I'm hoping once I get a month or two under my belt that I'll be back to the ol', fun loving person I used to be.

In a crazy way, my past while taking the hydros, I always looked forward to the "good times", the "feeling good", etc., etc. that they gave me and I still miss them greatly. Kind of like the loss of a close friend for something. I guess I'm still in the "grieving process" and hopefully that will go away. Let me please state that this "close friend" that I mentioned above is sheerly a mis-perception and they would eventually kill me, after losing everything that I have. I know that I'm doing the right thing - and you, too, Lisa!

Here's to good times for us that's right around the corner!

God bless,

hydronomore

 
Old 01-27-2008, 12:45 PM   #5
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emsmom HB User
Re: 3 Weeks and it's Still Rough

Hydronomore,

I was happy to read that you're at the 3.5 mark That was very encouraging for me to read.

I get the same depression as you do, from tapering. Its horrible at times. There are times where I don't even want to take a shower - just lay on the couch all day and feel lethargic. I've tried many things to help with the depression...aside from taking an anti-depressant, I try my best to get outside, exercise and keep myself moving.

Its a vicious circle - you don't want to do anything, so you sit around - but that causes you to have no energy. Do you have any suggestions that may help with depression? Have you found things that work for you?

I completely agree with you regarding the "close friend" thing. I find myself craving that "high." The one that turned me into "supermom" and gave me so much energy. However, I also realize that its NOT worth it. I've been through so much over the past 6 months, and I'm finally starting to see a future without pills. I just wish I could speed up the process. I'm 31 years old, but sometimes feel like I'm 65. I just want my life back...my life before pills.

Well, I'm heading outside with my daughter and nephew - we're going to the park to build a snowman

Hope you're having a good day - and the same to everyone else.

Hugs,
emsmom

 
Old 01-27-2008, 03:23 PM   #6
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hydronomore HB User
Re: 3 Weeks and it's Still Rough

Quote:
Originally Posted by emsmom View Post
Hydronomore,

I was happy to read that you're at the 3.5 mark That was very encouraging for me to read.

I get the same depression as you do, from tapering. Its horrible at times. There are times where I don't even want to take a shower - just lay on the couch all day and feel lethargic. I've tried many things to help with the depression...aside from taking an anti-depressant, I try my best to get outside, exercise and keep myself moving.

Its a vicious circle - you don't want to do anything, so you sit around - but that causes you to have no energy. Do you have any suggestions that may help with depression? Have you found things that work for you?

I completely agree with you regarding the "close friend" thing. I find myself craving that "high." The one that turned me into "supermom" and gave me so much energy. However, I also realize that its NOT worth it. I've been through so much over the past 6 months, and I'm finally starting to see a future without pills. I just wish I could speed up the process. I'm 31 years old, but sometimes feel like I'm 65. I just want my life back...my life before pills.

Well, I'm heading outside with my daughter and nephew - we're going to the park to build a snowman

Hope you're having a good day - and the same to everyone else.

EMSMOM,

I hope you had a good time w/ the snowman! That's sounds like fun. As far as my depression - I take Cymbalta 60mg and Paxcil 20mg once daily. I have always been depression-prone (heredited) and have taken Paxcil for the last 20 years for this and panic attacks. I've always took Paxcil even when taking the hydros.

Unless there's good reason(s) why not to - I would ask your dr. to prescribe you some of the antidepressants. At least for the time being. For me personally - it's not a cure all, but definitely helps. Exercise works for me, too. Of course anything works for me when my mind if fully engaged in whatever it is. As a general rule, the more idle my mind, the more depression-prone I seem to be.

But, just like yourself, I'm eagerly waiting for when I can get back to "me" with a sense of balance and well being that's not a result from the pills. From what I've read and heard, that seems to happen once you get a few months under your belt. Is that what you think, too?

All my best and God bless,

hydronomore


Hugs,
emsmom

 
Old 01-27-2008, 06:27 PM   #7
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Join Date: Sep 2007
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Lisa62 HB User
Re: 3 Weeks and it's Still Rough

Thanks for the encouragement. I have been down this road over 10 times, detox...last a few weeks and then BAM! Something happens and I am using again. I can't remember what most of the reasons were but I am pretty sure I was looking for any reason.
I truly felt horrible yesterday, so today I tried something different. I woke up and had a very healthy breakfast. I went to the Rec Center and did laps for 15 minutes and then walked around a park for 1/2 hour. I bought healthy food at the grocery store and made some goals. What I was doing before was not working, yet I repeated it over and over and over.

I feel much better today and more hopeful than I did yesterday.

Motto: Try something different. And exercise helps HUGELY.

 
Old 01-27-2008, 08:32 PM   #8
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emsmom HB User
Re: 3 Weeks and it's Still Rough

Thanks for the suggestion Lisa That sounds like a great idea. I'll have to see for myself - by getting up off my butt and getting outside lol

Hope all is well,

Hugs,
emsmom

 
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