Trying to be clean,now I have a problem with methadone and I need help - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

bktobmore · 01-29-2008, 12:23 PM

Hello to everyone here hope all of you are doing ok. I've never posted on any of these kind of websites before until now so here goes my story. I'm 23 now and I've been messing around with heroin since about 17 years old, from the age of 19 to right before I turned 21 is when I started using it every day and couldn't stop anymore so I had a horrible heroin addiction that lasted about 2 years of every day use, finally it was time to quit and I moved from new york to baltimore(I know, not the best choice right? its ok because I have never done heroin in baltimore and never will), next thing for me was getting off of heroin cold turkey in maryland, needless to say it was the worst time of my life but I did it, so now in the past few years I have taken pain killers like vicodin and percocet which I never took all the time and never even got addicted to, so finally I started messing around with heroin again here and there until I saw myself doing heroin one more time every day for a few months, this time I couldnt go through the hell again and I stopped taking heroin altogether and traded that for methadone, I'm not on the program so I get the methadone from a friend of mine who is on the program and just has a whole lot extra, here is my main problem right now..I have been getting a 120mg bottle of methadone about every 5 days because thats how long it lasts me, my dose is one full teaspoon a day and I feel great, I really dont know exactly how much I am taking but I believe its around 15-20mg a day, this has lasted about 2 and a half to 3 months now that I've been taking the methadone and when I don't have it I know I definitely don't feel good at all, my questions are ...is 2.5 - 3 months long enough to really get addicted to methadone with the amount I've been taking daily? am I really addicted or is it still kind of early in the game and maybe I can stop? and how long can my withdrawls last at this point after 2.5-3 months of doing it? I dont know what to do, I don't want to keep doing methadone, I just wish I could be clean, but I also just cant seem to stop because when I read that it can take up to 6 weeks maaaan I dont know if I can go through that ever again without going crazy, I'm really hoping that It hasnt been long enough yet and I can just stop, I'm willing to go through it but not if it takes 1.5 months thats too much, I appreciate any and all of help and answers, thank you!!

Yossarian22 · 01-29-2008, 01:11 PM

hey bkt

welcome, your story is so similar to mine in a lot ways (well like mine when i was younger!) i have been messing round with heroin for nearly 20 years (i had a period of 10 years clean tho). I have also taken meth from friends aswell as subutex and morphine,palfium etc. its near on impossible to reduce by yourself. the best thing would be to seek medical help/support - get on a program and taper down - get clean that way- you'll have the help and support you need then. on your own IS possible - just you have the odds stacked against you for relapse. you're on roughly 25ml a day - i hate to break the news to you but - you HAVE got a habit. if you go cold turkey from this ammount then you're going to feel pretty bad. cold turkey from meth is 10 times worse than heroin im sorry to say. it also takes a few days for the turkey to really kick in as its synthetic. you'll need to taper right down before you go for it. then be expected to feel rough for about a month - not too rough - just rough enough.

The important thing is - YOU CAN DO IT. it is possible.

i would advise getting some help with it tho.

if you decide to taper on your own then may i suggest working out a gradual taper and sticking to it with dedication/determination. dont underestimate the power of meth - if used properly it can help - if abused - its far worse than H.

keep us posted as to how you're doing mate.

take care

yoss

keep on keepin on

bktobmore · 02-01-2008, 09:40 AM

Thank you for the reply Yoss, I appreciate it. Just wanted to come back here since I haven't been in a few days and give an update on my situation. So this is now day 4 for me without any methadone, since I have such a strong mind and will I once again opted to once again clean myself up for good this time, also really wanted to see how badly addicted I was to the done, and apparently just like it's written everywhere online day 3 is going to feel the worst and thats sure as hell true yesterday I felt the worst, but the thing is everyone says that when your addicted to methadone its so much worse then heroin and I'm glad to say that for me right now with how much I've done THANK GOD thats not true yet, If I really felt worse then heroin right now I wouldn't know what the hell to do, my main problem right now is I don't have medical here in Maryland yet and there is nothing I can do besides join a clinic that I can pay for myself with $70 a week, and they don't even give you anything for 3 weeks after your evaluation so whats the point to do something that stupid when I'm not that bad off and within 3 weeks I'm going to be perfectly fine and hopefully(prayer) never look to methadone again. I don't feel good by any means, I just know that with the way everyone who has done it for a long time describes it I definitely am not at that stage yet of being so bad its worse then heroin, actually my main withdraw symptom is the cold/hot feeling in my body, other then that there is not much, I can even sleep at night which is very surprising to me. The first two nights I didn't get very much sleep but nonetheless it wasn't bad to the point that it was getting off heroin at all not even close, last night on my supposed worst day off done I slept the best out of the last few days, weird it seems but good for me and I'm so glad this is happening, I'm actually getting about 6-7 hours of sleep right now and I don't even have a big problem falling asleep, this is not bad sleep either, this is mostly normal(as much as its possible right now)uninterrupted sleep, this is all happening without any meds or sleeping pills. So to end my long update, as for right now I'm not feeling too good, but I'm also not feeling very bad, its just bad enough, but if it continues like this I know I can do this by myself one more time.

Thank you for any and all of your support on here and I ask you guys to please give me some more support and tell me what you think so I can tame the beast and take my life back from the grip of the devil once again. My prayers are with any and all that are in this kind of struggle, and hopefully some of your prayers can be with me to help me through this, I'm going to give more updates as I continue my battle.

Be easy and to everyone struggling, you can do it!
I just want to say, everyone who is doing good with the struggle and believes in themselves you are truly blessed and we all can do it!

tat2duser · 02-01-2008, 10:55 AM

That's great BK....good for you for taking the iniative to do this - it is SO worth it when you're done. You're at the worst stage now - you'll be 'over the hump' soon....real soon. Maybe ou can hit the Sub website and see if you can't get a sub doc to help you out with this - I'm quite positive there's a ton of the down there where you are.

Keep us up to date brother....I know I speak for everyone when I say we're all rootin' for ya 100%!

Peace,
tat*

jules3 · 02-01-2008, 11:26 AM

bktob, thanks for your reply on my post..i wish you a ton of luck and i hope your strong mind can get you thru it. please try to stay away from methadone that you are buying on the street or from a friend..if you cant do without it , try different clinics..you dont have to wait 3 weeks everywhere..pick up the phone and make calls. Once again, good luck..