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Old 02-01-2008, 04:36 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: ny
Posts: 2,036
jules3 HB User
Hi friends

Sorry i havent posted in awhile..alot of different things happening at home with son. Most of you are familiar with his opiate struggle and relapse. anyway after major discussions with tdocs and his pdoc and him really telling us how he feels, he decided to try suboxone. it seems like he just cant do it on his own..he is having horrible emotional withdrawels that he cant handle. He suffers from depression and maybe bipolar so with that happening along with the withdrawels he is a true mess. He has basically given up all his friends and just works, goes to outpatient and n.a meetings. he has been buying sub on the street because it helps him stay off everything else. So, we decided to help him with this because its his last chance. He started them a couple of days ago and is feeling much better...normal, as he puts it. it takes away the feeling of being uncomfortable in his own skin..if that makes sense. We are praying that between sub,his antideppresants and a mood stabilizer that he is on a better path to becoming a responsible adult. Bottom line, as you can probably tell is that im not 100 percent for sub...but i had to open up my mind a litttle more. because trying on his own was just not working for him..its a pathetic disease, very sad...I hope this works..

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Old 02-01-2008, 06:33 AM   #2
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Re: Hi friends

Hello Jules

Mama, I think you have made a wonderful decision in helping your son this way.

First off, it is so much safer and wiser to purchase medicine from a pharmacy through a doctor than on the streets. Who knows what is pased off as sub on the street, you know?

Second, I think the money and doctor help you use your money for is buying your son his very life. He needs time, lots of time, to deal with his issues. If he has given up friends, is working, and attending NA meetings, then the kid sure is putting in a lot of effort! He seems to be trying, and trying his best.

He is young yet, Jules. There is so much for him to learn. I don't mean just about not using drugs. It seems he knows that. He needs time to learn how to hande life without using artificial means of any kind to seek refuge in. Me? I still use food as a refuge. I finally, finally recognize how much of my behaviour for 56 years has been 'refuge seeking'. Hiding from insecurities about some things. I have had a good life, but think it is only this year that I totally have come into my own, totally become comfortable in my own skin.

Jules, the boy is not a failure any more than you and your husband are. We each are who we are. Sometimes it just takes some of us more time to discover who that is! Reaching emotional maturity is a process of different lengths for each of us. If you can buy the time your son needs to go through the process, then Hallelujah! Money spent this way is so much better than spent on cakes for jail visits or flowers for a grave.

There is not a parent out there who has a child that is perefect, 100 percent in every way... any more than any kid has a perfect parent :-). So what? Nothing in this world will ever reach the state of perfection. The best any of us can do is strive for it. Your son is striving for that better self. If sub is part of that equation, then so be it. For him, for now, it seems to be a needed tool for him to reach the heights he eventually will in life. He wants to be successful in life, he is trying, he seems sincere in his efforts. God bless him many times over as he travels along. And you, too, friend.

All good thoughts

Old 02-01-2008, 09:07 AM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Baltimore,MD by way of Brooklyn,NY
Posts: 5
bktobmore HB User
Re: Hi friends

Hey Jules, I hope everything is going good for you as much as it can. I can relate to your sons problems, and even your problems as a parent because of what I put my parents through..Heroin addiction, their second son who they wanted so bad and couldn't have for 7 years after my brother was born was now doing one of the worst things possible. Enough about me, I just wanted to say that anything you can do for your son is all obviously limited, the most important thing in my opinion is not to bring your son down by telling him anything bad, instead uplift his spirits and make him feel like everything is fine and nothing is lost, see I never had anyone to tell me any of these things when I went through quitting, and I've quit heroin cold turkey, right now I'm going through some pretty rough methadone withdrawals and once again cold turkey and once again on my own, to me I think this is actually the best way and the reason is once you feel that bad it will make you never do the same again. All people are different, I have a very strong mind and will and I've always had to push myself and have done it, if there are other problems involved which are mental the case can be way different, besides most people can't do this on their own, we're talking a 1 out of 10 success rate. My advice would be be to try and control this suboxen use, that is really not a way out, its just a substitute, but it only becomes that if you abuse it just like anything else, there is a way to use these to quit and then stop using them to be sober, for opiate withdrawals I would try and use the subs for anywhere between 2 - 3 weeks and start coming off of them, the main problem is its all a drug and whenever you stop taking drugs you want to take drugs, then other problems come in which are both physical and mental and if your not strong enough or if you don't want it bad enough its going to continue and you will always give in to the temptations. My last words of advice would be, don't make your son feel too good here, because as you know anything thats real easy to do always has a great chance of happening again, if you know what I mean? make him feel what he has done, while helping him to overcome it but don't help him to continue it, take it easy and I hope everything works out for you, my prayers are always there with you and your son, I can only wish you all the best.

Old 02-01-2008, 08:25 PM   #4
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: usa
Posts: 836
mznell HB User
Re: Hi friends

Wow Jules....I see a bit of what you've been going through.

How are you and the rest of your family doing??

I think about you all the time. I pray this new treatment will work.



Old 02-02-2008, 05:50 AM   #5
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: ny
Posts: 2,036
jules3 HB User
Re: Hi friends

ye mm we have been thru hell all of us involved..there is just too many parts to the problem..but we are heading in the right direction..and that is to make him better. he is more comfortable and able to relax now that hs is on suboxone..we dont love the idea of it..but we truley had to put ourselves in his shoes to see what he is going thru...he wants drugs to stop ruining his life ,he just cant do it on his me the name of the drug should be LAST CHANCE!!

Old 02-02-2008, 06:31 AM   #6
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 433
cram315 HB User
Re: Hi friends

Jules, I am glad to hear things are stabilizing for your son. That's all we want, isn't it? Such simple things we hope for.

How is your son sleeping with sub? What is his doseage? How often does he go? Did your insurance pay for it?

My son started sub last week. We pay dr, meds paid for by medicaid.

Can't report good things yet. Sub doc told him to stop depokote, so he did abruptly. Spiraled into a deep depression. We saw the change right away. ICMS worker came to meet son, he is going to get him a pdoc and therapy hoepfully early next week. Its critical he is semi suicidal.

Jules, no matter how we think we/they have a handle on it, new things constantly appear or old ones reappear.

Old 02-02-2008, 07:35 AM   #7
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: ny
Posts: 2,036
jules3 HB User
Re: Hi friends

cram i know what you are saying..depakote should not have beeen stopped son is started on a pretty high dose..8mgs 3x a day..they do affect his sleep, they kinda keep him he takes the last one at dinnertime..he has severe sleep issues and always has..he is also on lamictical and zoloft. anyway so far so good from the sub..its only a few days. apperently its almost impossible to find a doc that is in an insurance plan...sub is a big buisness and these guys want to make as much money as they can from it..its disgusting!! after argueing with my sons insurance company for days they will reimburse us at 90percent of what we are paying for the doctor..its 250 to start and then 175 per month ...the medication is covered by his insurance, it was 26$ for a not sure how much a months supply will all depends on the coverage..thats our price for it. insurance picks up the not sure how much it would be w/o insurance..hope this helps.

Old 02-02-2008, 09:18 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 917
langlee HB User
Re: Hi friends

Jules -

I'm really praying that this is the solution for your son. I have a good feeling about it.

When did he start the Lamictal and Zoloft? How is he doing on them?

Thinking of you always, my friend.



Old 02-03-2008, 06:23 AM   #9
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Downey California
Posts: 217
logalind HB User
Re: Hi friends

this is a horrible disease sweetie but what a great parent you are supporting him like this God Bless you. I wish I had someone as non judgemental as you in my life I would truly feel lucky. Sub worked wonderful for me until I decided I could use again and the insanity started again. pray for him and keep up the good work.

Old 02-05-2008, 07:14 AM   #10
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: usa
Posts: 836
mznell HB User
Re: Hi friends

Hello Jules ~

I miss seeing more regular posts from you. How are things going with your son? Do you feel like you've finally found the right program for him? How is he adjusting?

It's been a month already since I got out of the hospital. I'm doing OK but I have a new pain in the front of my thigh which is almost as annoying as the pain I had prior to surgery.

Write when you have a chance and know that I'm thinking of you every day.

xx MM

Old 02-05-2008, 08:07 AM   #11
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: louisiana
Posts: 15
mandypaige24 HB User
Re: Hi friends

I'm sorry to hear of your stuggles, and I can relate in many more ways than one. The difference being that my mother is the addict. How do you make the choice to love them anyway? Regardless of how far they drag you down with them? Sometimes I feel like a masochist! I wish you and your's well.

Old 02-05-2008, 12:33 PM   #12
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: ny
Posts: 2,036
jules3 HB User
Re: Hi friends

oh mandy, i feel for you..i know how much i love my mom, i would be just as devestated if she were the addict..because we love our parents and our children is very hard,isnt it? no one could imagine!

mm, im glad you are felling better, the pain in your leg might be from you compensating when you are walking...My son is doing ok, im going to be honest, i hate the fact that hes on suboxone,i hate the look it gives him..its the same look as being high without the nodding..i just hope we didnt open up another can of worms, because this one will be totally his responsibility.

Old 02-05-2008, 09:33 PM   #13
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Re: Hi friends

Hi, Jules....sorry I haven't checked in on you for a while. I know how tormented you must feel okaying the sub with your son,...I felt that way when going to put my daughter on birth control at the age of 14 and the message that it may be giving her. I know that it isn't the same thing but it was a difficult thing to do as a mother that tormented me just the same. We can only do our best and love them and try to protect them sometimes even from themselves and hope that it will be the thing that will finally help them.

You are a GREAT mom and your son is so lucky to have you. How is hubby handling all of this???? I know that he must be as tormented as you are.

Look forward and hold onto hope....there is always hope and that is what we need to focus on.

As for brother received the gift of being able to see his NY Giants win the Superbowl!!! We spent Superbowl Sunday with him as did the rest of the family.

The Hospice nurses are amazed that he was able to make it this far and never saw anybody with such a will to live like my brother. He continues to fight and who knows, perhaps he will pull a miracle just like his team did!!

The nurses and doctors say that he doesn't have long (as they have said many times before) and are surprised that he is still conscious and holding on. He is in Congestive Heart Failure and having such a tough time breathing and sleeping longer intervals but otherwise comfortable.

Daughters are doing well too which is another blessing. It was a hard road but we got here and you will too.

Miss you lots and I hope that this all turns around for you. I think of you often and hold you in my prayers everyday.

Love ~ IG

Old 02-06-2008, 05:05 AM   #14
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: ny
Posts: 2,036
jules3 HB User
Re: Hi friends

ivory, thansk for the response...hubby is feeling the same as me..we both are putting up with son is trying so we have to keep trying..but we have reached our daughter and her bf broke up so we had a pretty bad weekend with her crying and broke my heart..she seems to feel better a little each day..oh to be 19 and have a broken heart, so sad..huh? but, this too shall pass right? so happy to hear your girls are well!!!

Old 02-06-2008, 01:02 PM   #15
eric's ma
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: ,oh usa
Posts: 88
eric's ma HB User
Re: Hi friends

Oh Jules'

I have been so hesitant to reply to your post because of feeling , here was my son doing so well and you were still struggling. I feel your anguish and pain .

I felt compeled to post to you today, because of the events of the last week. I know you are struggling with your son on sub. Last Wednesday a very good friend of my son's died. To make a long story short, this friend was at a party and called my son to come pick him up, he didn't feel well.
My son said to meet him out front and he would take him home. He picked him up and on the way to his house he keeled over in the car. My son could not rouse him so headed straight to the Er. Four minutes after he arrived he coded and died.

This boys parents would not allow this boy to take anything to help him remain off the drugs. They said to cold turkey or else. Maybe and I say only maybe he would be here if he had tried sub. My son is just devestated. He tried to help him even going to talk to his parents.

Jules I am not judging you at all for the way you feel, just saying I think you have made a choice to try anything to save your son and I respect you greatly for it. There is hope for your son.

If I have offended you in anyway I am sorry, it was not my intention. I just wanted to say hang in there. With Faith all things are possible

Eric's Ma

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