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Old 04-02-2008, 08:21 AM   #136
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bajaboats HB User
Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Me Too RR,

Sometimes she (my Wife) seems like everything is going to be O.K. and the next moment she is out in left field?

I have found that her attitude goes south after speaking to her Mom, which she does all the time. It seems like she is always on the phone to her Mom. When my wife and I spend time alone together we can comunicate well and seem to work things out rather well, even get a plan together.

When ever I or my wife plan a family get together or mini vacation my wife always has to invite he Mom no matter where or who we go with. Even a camping trip with friends she will invite her mom??

Her mom is a nut case. I firmly believe she is a ‎Narcissist. I have looked it up on the net and it fits her to a "t". My kids can't stand my mother in law either. They call her the Mean Green Grandma because she is so nasty to them all the time. Never just talks to them, always yelling and screaming.

The more my wife is with her mother the less she is with me and the less she wants to be with me so I just have to accept that and go on with my life. If that is what makes her happy then I will be happy for her and move on. That is all I can do.

I am happy now and I will continue to be happy with my life. I refuse to let someone else dictate to me how I am going to feel or worse yet force me into relapse.

Everyone send up a prayer for me and my wife, Maybe she will see the light??

I'm on the road out and I'm not turning back!!

You have a great day RR.

_________________________
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.

As Always,
Peace.
Baja
__________________
_________________________
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.

As Always,
Peace.
Baja

 
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Old 04-03-2008, 09:58 AM   #137
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mk7657 HB User
Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Hey baja.

There is an old saying in our family (can't verify the truth of it) that goes like this: "If you want to get a glimpse into what your wife will turn out like, look at her mother." The same applies for husband and father.

From what you have said, your wife seems mean to the bone. She is always digging up dirt from your past and throwing it in your face. My first wife was like that, mean to the bone. She managed to find a "button" in everone she met, and would push it for pleasure. I guess by finding fault in other people, it helped her to feel better about herself.

Keep up the good work in your recovery, bud, and keep posting. You are an inspiration to soo many people, including me.

mike

 
Old 04-03-2008, 09:55 PM   #138
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DroopyEyes HB User
Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Baja Bro,

I wonder what M-G-G (not to mention your wife, haha) would think if you planned a little family vacation on your own, last minute, no warning?

I'd pay to be there in the driveway to watch MGG's reaction, my friend...

Anyway...

As always, I pray that time heals wounds...

Proud of you.

 
Old 04-06-2008, 07:22 AM   #139
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logalind HB User
Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Baja:

I am so sorry you are going through this. OMG I did pray for you right when I read your post. God will make it right. My husband is really negative too. I love what you said no one will dictate how I feel. Right on! Nobody can change us but us so don't let the ulgy people in our lives do that I had to check my husband the other day cuz his negative behavior was driving me nuts. So I told him if you don't have something positive to say do me a favor and don't talke to me. It made him stop and think and gave me some peace and quiet. Stay strong babe we love you!!!!

Love,
Lori

 
Old 04-06-2008, 08:19 AM   #140
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Hi Baja

Baja, my friend. I am calculating that it has been about two months for you being clean. That is a great thing. I bet it feels like not just two months, but sometimes even a lifetime ago that drug abuse was a part of your life. How our thinking changes once we become committed to being clean and sober, huh?

Two months and a lifetime ago seem like such contradictory terms. I guess that is because they are! In two months, your life has changed immensely. 60 days. In reality, that is a pretty short time for the immense changes that come about in us as we move from drug abusers to drug non-users. Sometimes we have to allow more time for our partners to catch up to the changes in our lives. We need to find a strong sense of patience and fairness for our partners. Just like in our own aftercare where we need to so a lot of thinking and reflecting about our approach to life, our partners need to do the same. Remember how you shared about the pink cloud that we live in for a while after we stop? It is a time of joy and excitement we experience because we have made a great change in ourselves. We want our partners to share in that, but truthfully, how can they when they have not experienced the great metamorphosis that we have just experienced? It is a a time for us to continue in leaps and bounds in our own restoration, but also to continue in a slow and patient way with our partners. There is a lot of adjusting to do dealing with the new us.

Give it more time before you give up, Buddy. The past two months have gone by at different speeds between you and Wife. Give the relationship time to find balance again. I think it will. It took a long time for my Hubby and I to find balance again, but it did happen. It took a lot of talking and compromising for us to redefine our individual roles in the relationship again. But it happened.

When the negativity comes forth, acknowledge that you understand it, then counter with some, "I am so glad that is in the past." Say it with a smile because it is a truth for you. Remain hopeful that soon it will become a truth for wife. Don't allow your thoughts to jump to negative outcomes in reaction to negative imput. As you hope for a change in thinking to come about in Wife, work also on changing your own thinking impulses. There is no good that will come of firing negativity back in any situation. Work on the balance, Buddy. Even when it is hard, work on the balance.

Rooting for you and the relationship
reach

 
Old 04-08-2008, 08:50 PM   #141
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davemax67 HB User
Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

One brief post....Toxic Significant Others...don't play the game. You've been strong so stay strong. When someone is neg we all know it's more about what's going on inside them than about what they are saying. Truly self developed interdependent mature individuals know how to be emotionally intelligent for the most part. Don't get me wrong...I'm no friggin Dr. Phil...but how hard is it to frame your conversations in a positive manner. Truly difficult if that is how she was raised. God Bless you and keep it up

 
Old 04-09-2008, 08:35 AM   #142
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redrockrag HB User
Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Hey Baja, one thing I learned when my son was little was that everyone starts out, like a horse race. They are let out of the gates some get around the turn faster than others some come on strong at the end but we all finish the race. In relationships some of us get there sooner that others. In my breakup after 20 years my former husband was way ahead of me. I was in shock when he moved out, had no idea. He had the girlfriend, the bank account ready, a place to live. At first I felt so betrayed but when I think back if I had of communicated better and not buried my head in the sand I would have been in the same place and known that what we had was not working out. Reach has some good ideas about communication and maybe additional counciling ,with you and your wife, where you could talk about her mom without being critical or judgemential would be helpful. How their relationship impacts your family and how to make mom a positive person in your family instead of "MMG". I've always told my kids and their friends, your family is forever but your boyfriend, girlfriend and wife, hubby can come and go and often do. Good luck and I sure hope you can work it.
RR

 
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