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Old 02-22-2008, 04:24 PM   #31
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Very happy for you Baja. You are an inspiration to all of us to keep going in the right direction.
Hugs to you.
Peace
Caraace

 
Old 02-23-2008, 04:24 AM   #32
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Hello everyone and thanks Caraace.

I like the sound of Peace Caraace. I has a nice rhyme to it.

I'm on 18 today ! does this mean I can vote now

Well I've beaten the Oxy (at least the cravings) for now but now the work starts on fixing Baja. I am confident I won't take another pill or drink to escape reality again. This is my second round and you know what they say, three strikes and you OUT!

I mentioned in a earlier post when I got sober off booze and was going to meetings I was told by another member of the group "great job you beat the booze now we have to fix Baja"

Didn't know what he was talking about at the time but sure do now.

I am doing weekly visits to my Psychologist and funny thing, he says I can be fixed. Not a one time quick fix with a pill or a drink but serious lifestyle changes. I have an addictive personality. A Hypomania as he said. I go overboard with everything I am passionate about. Not necessarily a bad thing but when it comes to drugs it is a bad thing. I have always been a workaholic also. not much sleep and lots of work. always working even on the weekends.

Good for money bad for life and stress.

Well I have had to make some very difficult decisions about the way I live my life and reduce the stress or like the Doc said it will kill me. Even without the drugs it will kill me. I actually put myself into this stressfull lifestyle. I actively sought out more and more stress. I begged for it until it was out of control and now I just can't do it anymore. Just like drugs and booze.

I'm not 20 anymore the Doc said. Time to slow down and enjoy life, CLEAN I might add.
If I can't cope with my life sober then it's time to change my life. This is the path I have picked. Career change, more education, a nice job (Only one not three or four like I have been doing).

Spend my free time with my family and enjoy life clean. Thats my new drug of choice. It works really good too.

My next step as I mentioned is the Cigs.

Hoping the Doc says O.K. in March. My last crutch.

I will still keep everyone up-dated.

I want people to know that this addition problem can be beat. Professional help and lifestyle changes, meetings, friends (The people on this Board) and family all play a big role.

The only thing in life I can change is me so if I don't like what is happening to me in my life then I must make some changes in me not expect others (or life) to change FOR me. I have to change not escape. Flight or fight as REACH says. I choose fight. My new rules to live by, fight not run and hide behind some pill or bottle when the ****** get tuff.

I'll Chime in from time to time.
Got a nice busy weekend with the family. The Daddy Daughter Dance is tonight and I have 2 Daughters. We are going to have a blast!!

Everyone have a great clean weekend!!

ON THE ROAD OUT.
Peace.
Baja

Last edited by bajaboats; 02-23-2008 at 04:30 AM.

 
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Old 02-24-2008, 03:18 AM   #33
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Chiming In.

On day ONE NINE and feelin' so fine.

Had a blast last night with the girls. Daddy Daughter dance.

Baja is back to normal what ever that is :-)

Meetings and appointments with both Doc's (Body and Mind) next week. Everything seems to be coming back around slowly but surely. Pray for my wife and me. I really am trying but things are still sketchy. Lots of butt kissing and being sweet. If it loose that battle than I guess it was not meant to be?? All I can do is FIGHT. I'm not hiding from life anymore.

Thanks again for all the prayers.

Peace.

Baja

Last edited by bajaboats; 02-24-2008 at 03:19 AM.

 
Old 02-24-2008, 07:36 AM   #34
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Quote:
Originally Posted by bajaboats View Post
Chiming In.

On day ONE NINE and feelin' so fine.

Had a blast last night with the girls. Daddy Daughter dance.

Baja is back to normal what ever that is :-)

Meetings and appointments with both Doc's (Body and Mind) next week. Everything seems to be coming back around slowly but surely. Pray for my wife and me. I really am trying but things are still sketchy. Lots of butt kissing and being sweet. If it loose that battle than I guess it was not meant to be?? All I can do is FIGHT. I'm not hiding from life anymore.

Thanks again for all the prayers.

Peace.

Baja

Hi baja! Congrats on 20 days today!! I know all to well about the butt kissing, I am tired of that game also. But in all fairness, our spouses really do have the right to be a bit ticked off--KWIM? Lets put the shoe on the other foot so to speak, I mean would we really have tollerated their behaviour as long as they did ours? We have to be more understanding of their position in this manner, we abused them and ourselves in our addiction. If you truly love her you will continue "butt" kissing (lol) until she gets thru what she has to get thru and forgives you and your addiction. Maybe she should go to an al-non meeting to understand addiction, it could only benefit her and she may be more forgiving if you knew the power of addiction. Good luck with that and and keep on keeping on!! You are doing great a big KUDOS to you!

~Angie
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~Angie

 
Old 02-24-2008, 10:51 AM   #35
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

if you knew the power of addiction Sorry Baja---I meant if she knew the power of addiction. Also I jumped the gun on 20 days---I thought you posted that last night. Have a great day 19!


~Angie
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Old 02-24-2008, 05:30 PM   #36
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Thanks Angie.

I'll take the 20 days now. I don't see me running to the dealer and gettin me some tonight :-)

I'm over the Ox. Now on with my life. Clean

She (My Wife) has been talking to both my Doc's (body and Mind) and it has helped out a bunch. She still has the right to me ****** as you said. I don't think she fully understands addiction but the Doc's have shed some light on the subject for her. This will make my task easier I feel.

I will do what ever it takes for as long as it takes to make it work. I don't mind giving up my MAN CARD for my Wife and Kids. :-) I'll have it back in no time.

I have a good feeling about it. I think everything will be fine in the end. Different, maybe better? But nonetheless, Fine.

Thanks for the props and it's nice to see you here on the road out too. Keep in touch Dear.

Have a good night,

Peace.
Baja

 
Old 02-24-2008, 06:13 PM   #37
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

I will do what ever it takes for as long as it takes to make it work. I don't mind giving up my MAN CARD for my Wife and Kids. :-) I'll have it back in no time



I like that baja! You sound a bit more positive tonight...happy dance for you! Man card....lol....that is priceless. Question, when your spouse is so ticked at you to the point they don't want to be touched, what could a female do to regain footing with the man, I know the obvious answer....lol...but like I said they won't let you near them. What else, as a man, could your woman to do to make peace. I have basically ran out of butt kissing steam here! I know staying clean is the major solution, and I want that, but as an addict---I want it now dang it, and the forgiveness. It sure would make this road easier to travel, you know?

~Angie
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~Angie

 
Old 02-25-2008, 03:54 AM   #38
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Boy I wish I knew that one Angie.

I say that because it is her that also has to recover from me. I want her trust back. Her confidence in me. I want my man card back. The sex would be a major plus and would help things move along quicker I think.

I'm on day 20 and feeling great still. No Paws. Lots of energy. Positive attitude. Just like before I put the Ox on my back.

I'm in the same situation with my sex life. My Psychologist said to me if I want things to get better "go home and screw her". That is a quote. Well as you know thats eaiser said than done. We have two kids that already inhibit the sex life then throw work and this wonderful stunt I pulled on top and she is not interested. She also sometimes works long hours and is tired too.

I even went and got fixed so we could be more spontanoius but no luck yet. My Psychologist says to keep a positive attitude and keep trying. He said to me to just keep "messing with her" and sooner or later she will be in the mood. Again, time and patience. Just keep messing with your hubby. You never know what will happen. My Psychologist also said to go into the situation knowing you might face some attitude from her, some negative comments and be prepared for the NO if you get one. Then I wouldn't feel as hurt and more positive about trying again and again until I get me some. :-)

We have to prove to them thet we really do love them and didn't mean to hurt them. My wife knows I love her but he (Doc) means the passionate kind of love not the I you have for a friend or parrent or one of your kids.

My wife is afraid that she will put her trust back into me and I will just let her down again and she says she just can't take that. This will take time to earn back and patience.

With her speaking to my Psychologist it helped. He has explained that with the proper medication and regular visits to him and my med Doc I would have no problems. The big factor is my (OUR) sobriety. Don't forget that one. I will stay clean and keep talking to her and slowly things will come back.

I put myself into her shoes and I don't blame her a bit. I would be pretty ****** too. She knows I'm a smart person, she says I'm smarter than her so she is puzzled about the addiction thing. she will say, "Your smart, didn't you think about that before you did it?"
I guess I'm smart but also an addict (recovering) and that clouds the thoughts.

My Psychologist thinks I also have something called Hypermania? or Hypomanina? I think the first one, not sure. He says it is a very mild form and I have most likely had it my whole life and just never noticed. I am very high energy (Hyper active and can't sit on one place for very long unless I'm doing something), I like fast powerful hobbies (Down Hill Skiing, Dirt bike racing, Off Shore Speed boats, Motor Cycle road racing) and I go overoard when I get passoniate about something. Good for work and money, bad for drugs and booze. He seems to think if I get on the proper medication and under the proper supervision I would have not trouble controling it. He said if I was passionate about controling it I would have great success. Sounds like and oxymoron And I don't like the Oxy part. :-)

From a guys point of view on the sex thing at least mine at this time just the words O.K. and I'm ready to rock on :-)

I can't speak for your hubby but maybe REACH might have some more wonderfull insight on this with all of her wisdom. She may chime in on this one.

Just hang in there and stay clean. Just like the W/D's. it will pass and he will get interested.

I can tell you one thing, us guys can't go for long without, at least me. I never would stray from my wife and never have, not to crude but sometimes us guys have to take matters into our own hands if you know what I mean:-)

Just be patient, He will be back. Keep on Keepin' on.

Big hugs

Peace.
Baja

Last edited by bajaboats; 02-25-2008 at 04:07 AM.

 
Old 02-25-2008, 03:26 PM   #39
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mk7657 HB User
Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Quote:
Originally Posted by bajaboats View Post
Boy I wish I knew that one Angie.

I can tell you one thing, us guys can't go for long without, at least me. I never would stray from my wife and never have, not to crude but sometimes us guys have to take matters into our own hands if you know what I mean:-)

Just be patient, He will be back. Keep on Keepin' on.

Big hugs

Peace.
Baja
Yes, and it only takes about 10 minutes, ha-ha.

Glad you're doing so great, baja. It's not hard to tell that you are a type A personality. I OCD really bad. Get me on a high-intensity war game on the computer, and I will stay there for hours--sometimes days, with only sleep, exercise, sex, and food interruptions.

mk

 
Old 02-25-2008, 04:13 PM   #40
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Hey MK,

We have a little joke here in Michigan.

We say " I Got a date with Miss Michigan"

Michigan is the same shape as a mans right hand. Ha Ha.

10 Mins. tops and no talking necessary.

Just being funny (A little Guy Humor)

Peace.

Baja

 
Old 02-25-2008, 04:34 PM   #41
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Laurie434 HB User
Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Hi Baja,
Just wanted to say thanks for your input and support! It is greatly appreciated. I want to get off of this stuff but am afraid to do it quickly. You are right though, w/ds are horrible. I don't ever want to touch this stuff again!
Take GOOD care of yourself!!!
Laurie

 
Old 02-26-2008, 03:42 AM   #42
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bajaboats HB User
Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Good Morning everyone,

Well I can't beleive it but I'm on day 21!!
I feel great still.
Things are up and down with the wife but all in all I know it will be O.K.
I have put into Gods hands and he never lets me down.

I don't have any signs of PAWS. I'm eatting good, drinking lots of water, taking suppliments and thinking clearly again. I even gained back some of the 15 pounds I lost while in W/D. 6 foot tall 155lbs was a little skinny.

What a wonderfull world this is when seen thru sober eyes. It still amazes me why I would think I would need something to try to make it better??

It doesn't get any better than sober. I see the true colors and feelings of life without the numbness of Dope.

I fixed the Oxy problem now I am working of fixing Baja.

Thanks to all.

I will be here posting and helping others as best I can.
This is my home away from home.

Peace.
Baja

WAVIN at Reach, Big Hugs.

 
Old 02-26-2008, 08:59 AM   #43
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Hiya Baja

I fixed the Oxy problem now I am working of fixing Baja.



Baja, those are just great words. Just great.

Yes, addiction is an illness in and of itself, but it is also an illness that is symptomatic of something bigger. We must work on ourselves in recovery if we truly wish to attain a restored life and find happiness again.

I think many of us fall because we do not recognize how important your words are. We get off the drugs, which is monumental, but mistakenly think we have reached the goal. Unless we come to understand our behaviour, unless we come to understand how and why we developed the behaviour, it will continue to be a part of us and leave us so prone to relapse.

For me, my goal is going to be lifelong.... and the goal is to constantly understand myself more, to consistently evaluate my place in this world and how I fit in, and to understand that this is all a lifelong, ongoing process. Always works of art in progress, always room to improve and grow.

I am glad to know you, Baja. Your passion to find a restored life is contagious. It is good to see you really striving for it.

Hugs
reach

 
Old 02-26-2008, 11:07 AM   #44
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

[COLOR="Purple"]Hey Baja--are you getting blasted with snow? Great day to go skiing! Ohio is getting dumped on---so fun! Have a great sober day 21.

~Angie
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Old 02-26-2008, 12:37 PM   #45
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Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

Thanks Reach, You too have been an inspiration. I have read many of your posts. I understand this will be a life long battle. I might not be able to Fix Baja but I can get the maintence I need to say on the correct road. Clean and happy.

Hey Angie, I just got back from skiing actually. Went with my Mom today for about 3-1/2 hours. I live about 5 mins from a ski hill here. A nice one too.

We only got about 3-4 inches of snow. I'm going to go plowing in a bit. I own a plow rig and make some money on the side. The only bummer is the hours. I will most likely plow all night to get caught up. Can't plow until lots are empty and they all want them clean by morning. I don't mind. I plow as a subcontractor for a company and they pay between 50 and 75 dollars per hour (double over 4 inches). Sometimes flat rate for big lots and I can make 100 or more per our if I go fast (double again over 4 inches). I spend lots in Gas. My rig gets about 4-5 miles per gallon pushing snow. It costs about 15 to 20 dollars per hour just to run the rig depending on how deep and heavy the snow is. Thats if I don't break anything.

Havin' a blast here and feeling great.

My Med Doc. said I was doing great. He said maybe I could quit the cigs towards the end of March. He said to wait until then and he will let me know. He did give me a script for some chantex so when I was ready I could go for it.

I also got some free samples of Lavitra :-)
Maybe I'll have some luck with the wife the week :-)
Always prepared just in case. That stuff is wicked good. Like the energizer bunny if you know what I mean.

Well I have no sign of PAWS and me Doc said he had heard of it but also said I would not have a problem with it. I guess the dosages and duration of usage has alot to do with how bad you get it. Also your personality and other factors he said.

No Worries here.

Peace.

Baja.

 
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