Sign Up Today!

Laurie434 · 02-25-2008, 04:34 PM

Hi Baja,
Just wanted to say thanks for your input and support! It is greatly appreciated. I want to get off of this stuff but am afraid to do it quickly. You are right though, w/ds are horrible. I don't ever want to touch this stuff again!
Take GOOD care of yourself!!!
Laurie

bajaboats · 02-26-2008, 03:42 AM

Good Morning everyone,

Well I can't beleive it but I'm on day 21!!
I feel great still.
Things are up and down with the wife but all in all I know it will be O.K.
I have put into Gods hands and he never lets me down.

I don't have any signs of PAWS. I'm eatting good, drinking lots of water, taking suppliments and thinking clearly again. I even gained back some of the 15 pounds I lost while in W/D. 6 foot tall 155lbs was a little skinny.

What a wonderfull world this is when seen thru sober eyes. It still amazes me why I would think I would need something to try to make it better??

It doesn't get any better than sober. I see the true colors and feelings of life without the numbness of Dope.

I fixed the Oxy problem now I am working of fixing Baja.

Thanks to all.

I will be here posting and helping others as best I can.
This is my home away from home.

Peace.
Baja

WAVIN at Reach, Big Hugs.

reachout · 02-26-2008, 08:59 AM

Hiya Baja

I fixed the Oxy problem now I am working of fixing Baja.

Baja, those are just great words. Just great.

Yes, addiction is an illness in and of itself, but it is also an illness that is symptomatic of something bigger. We must work on ourselves in recovery if we truly wish to attain a restored life and find happiness again.

I think many of us fall because we do not recognize how important your words are. We get off the drugs, which is monumental, but mistakenly think we have reached the goal. Unless we come to understand our behaviour, unless we come to understand how and why we developed the behaviour, it will continue to be a part of us and leave us so prone to relapse.

For me, my goal is going to be lifelong.... and the goal is to constantly understand myself more, to consistently evaluate my place in this world and how I fit in, and to understand that this is all a lifelong, ongoing process. Always works of art in progress, always room to improve and grow.

I am glad to know you, Baja. Your passion to find a restored life is contagious. It is good to see you really striving for it.

Hugs
reach

Angiejr2 · 02-26-2008, 11:07 AM

[COLOR="Purple"]Hey Baja--are you getting blasted with snow? Great day to go skiing! Ohio is getting dumped on---so fun! Have a great sober day 21.

~Angie

bajaboats · 02-26-2008, 12:37 PM

Thanks Reach, You too have been an inspiration. I have read many of your posts. I understand this will be a life long battle. I might not be able to Fix Baja but I can get the maintence I need to say on the correct road. Clean and happy.

Hey Angie, I just got back from skiing actually. Went with my Mom today for about 3-1/2 hours. I live about 5 mins from a ski hill here. A nice one too.

We only got about 3-4 inches of snow. I'm going to go plowing in a bit. I own a plow rig and make some money on the side. The only bummer is the hours. I will most likely plow all night to get caught up. Can't plow until lots are empty and they all want them clean by morning. I don't mind. I plow as a subcontractor for a company and they pay between 50 and 75 dollars per hour (double over 4 inches). Sometimes flat rate for big lots and I can make 100 or more per our if I go fast (double again over 4 inches). I spend lots in Gas. My rig gets about 4-5 miles per gallon pushing snow. It costs about 15 to 20 dollars per hour just to run the rig depending on how deep and heavy the snow is. Thats if I don't break anything.

Havin' a blast here and feeling great.

My Med Doc. said I was doing great. He said maybe I could quit the cigs towards the end of March. He said to wait until then and he will let me know. He did give me a script for some chantex so when I was ready I could go for it.

I also got some free samples of Lavitra :-)
Maybe I'll have some luck with the wife the week :-)
Always prepared just in case. That stuff is wicked good. Like the energizer bunny if you know what I mean.

Well I have no sign of PAWS and me Doc said he had heard of it but also said I would not have a problem with it. I guess the dosages and duration of usage has alot to do with how bad you get it. Also your personality and other factors he said.

No Worries here.

Peace.

Baja.

firelvr · 02-26-2008, 02:37 PM

I'm so happy your doing well..... I'm 23 days clean from Hydros...... I finally can sleep again without taking benadryl..... But I still don't want to do much. Can't wait till that feeling is gone... Keep up the good work..... Hugs!

bajaboats · 02-27-2008, 03:58 AM

Thanks firelvr and everyone else.

I'm on day 22 today.

Sleep is back to 6-7 hours which is normal for me. I am up by 5AM at the latest even on weekends unless I stay up real late.
Eating is great.
Anxiety in there but at what I would consider normal levels. Life is full of anxiety, I can fight it now not hide behind a pill or bottle. Not really any depression at all?? No PAWS either.
I do get the yawns from time to time but I think it might be those damn Cig's.

Meeting with the Mind Doc on Thursday. He has me starting another med. It is called Lamictal ?? Not sure on the spelling. I looked it up and it is for Bi-polar which Doc has said I am showing symtoms of hypermainia (I guess that is being way up for long periods of time then only crashing once in while) I really don't have a crashes down when I'm clean, Always way up on the hyper side. Busy Busy Busy. He says this will help bring me down a notch without Narc's or booze. He said it will help with my hyperactivity and is NOT addicitve. I made it clear I would refuse a Narc at this point in my recovery and he agreed.

Things with the wife are still like a roller coaster. I can deal with it now that I'm clean. Would make things easier if she was always positive but I understand her feelings.

Just like the saying, Sometimes the truth hurts. I told the truth and it hurt. I guess I told the truth for ME. at least I don't have that lurking around my mind bringing me down.

On the journey to fix Baja Now. Good Bye Oxy, Hydro and booze.

Well everyone have a great day!! I know I will..

Peace.

Baja

Laurie434 · 02-27-2008, 10:44 AM

Hey Baja,
You are quite an inspiration! I went down to 1 pill last night! Feel pretty good! Hopefully I can get off of the Norco soon! Just keep on praying....that is all I can do! Praying for the very best in your journey and recovery!
Laurie

bajaboats · 02-27-2008, 02:21 PM

Thanks Laurie,

You won't have any problems. Just keep cuttin and countin. You will be at Zero in no time.

I can't believe I'm already this far along. It went by sooo fast.

Going to the shrink on Thursday afternoon. I'll post my details if any.

The roller coaster ride with the wife is on a high today. I hope this isn't the calm before the storm :-)
She is on her cycle so I have to understand the moodiness.

I'm Praying for you too. BIG HUGS from Baja!!

Peace.
Baja

bajaboats · 02-28-2008, 02:56 AM

Baja Here,

I really hope I'm Boring people Now nothing new:-)

On day 23 now and still feel great!
I feel, again , just like normal what ever that may be.

Looking back it was sooo worth the pain of the W/D's to now finally feel the way I do now.

This board is and has been a boig part of my journey out. Now on to Fixing Baja and this board is also great for working on that. Maintenence for me if you will.

A plus is I really do like to help other people. My wife is in the medical field (Cardiac). I am planning on going back to school, at 43 and real close to 44yrs, and get into the medical field. It looks like if I want a good job here in MI I have to go to medical. My Med Doc even said I would be good at it because he said I'm a people person and I'm also a talker. Always something to say even to someone I don't know.

I go to my Mind Doc today. I'll see what knowledge he can enlighten me with. More clues to solve the puzzle that lies within me. I also believe that my faith in God has got me here too. I have to thank God.

BIG Hugs to all the girls Girls and a Big High Five for all the dudes here.

Thanks for responding to me when I needed it most.

Wavin at REACH, Super big hugs Dear,

Peace.
Baja

Angiejr2 · 02-28-2008, 04:23 AM

Baja---you a talker? No way!!!

LOL You couldn't bored us Baja---I for one look forward to seeing your progress, you are an inspiration to many, you keep on keepin on! Congrats! Have an awesome day....

~Angie

bajaboats · 02-28-2008, 04:35 AM

Thanks Angie.
You have a great day too.
Big HUGS.

Peace.
Baja

bajaboats · 02-29-2008, 12:47 PM

Hello Again,

On day 24 and still feelin fine!!

Had to plow snow all night and just got in. Started at 1:30 AM.

I need a nap :-)

Hope everyone else is doing good.

Peace,
Baja

acaptainn · 02-29-2008, 04:38 PM

Baja, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, it got in the 40,s here
i need to move south ! lol.

Laurie434 · 02-29-2008, 06:16 PM

Hey Baja!
You should be so proud of yourself! What an accomplishment. I am down to just a half of a pill a day....Wooooohoooo! Doing better with the less I take! Hope you don't have to much snow there.
You're doing great!!!!!
Laurie434
Sending you a wave back!!!!! :-)

bajaboats · 03-01-2008, 05:59 AM

Mornin All,

Well What can I say?
I'm on day 25 now and feel totally normal.
I can handle all this monster stress in my life much better than before. Even suprise myself sometimes when I don't fall into depression or anxiety while my Wife is verbally beating on me.

I just smile and say nothing. I let her vent. When I vent I do it away from her. In the truck while driving alone or when I take a walk around the Yard (I live on 12.5 acres in the middle of the woods with lots of trails - BIG YARD).

Life is sooooo much better now. I feel like I am regaining control of my sanity bit by bit.

I feel as if I have come down from the Pink Cloud just a bit and I knew this would happen, It did when I detoxed off the booze years ago. Reality is here and now it is time for me to get busy and work on the important things in my life. Not loosing touch with keeping me health and clean. An on going priority ONE.

I am still seeing my Psychologist weekly and my med Doc says he wants to see me in two weeks now. I have a thumbs up from the med doc.

Still on the road out but it is the ROAD OUT this time not the road in.

As Always,
Peace.
Baja

reachout · 03-01-2008, 09:23 AM

Hi Baja

Hey, Buddy... I understand exactly what you mean about coming down from the Pink Cloud. And it is not only okay, but a good thing. For me, there was some excitement about the withdrawal and detox and getting better. Struggling through it gave me a kind of passion I had not felt about anything in a long time. Getting better is an exciting thing and it consumes us because it must to achieve.

However, once we do get better, we must work in the mundane reality of everyday life. That was what we were striving for all along, afterall, yes? To find existance in a peaceful, calm life that no longer includes drugs or booze. As the Pink Cloud begins to dissolve, waht is really happening is that we are achieving the goal!

Somewhere on this board, I read about the things with your wife and 'trying too hard." I gotta tell you, I am glad you have recognized this. Baja, sometimes I would read some of your posts and think, 'Man, you are smothering the woman, ease up!" I understand that you want to make amends, I really do, and I think that is admirable. However, I think that the degree to which you were making amends probably made life very out-of-the-ordinary to wife. I know there came a point when my Hubby said to me, "Will you stop with the apologies????" Chuckles

Our emotions are extraordinarily keen as we find our lives restored. I think that in our enthusiasm, we don't stop to remember that as we struggled to detox and all, our thoughts had to be of ourselves to get there. While our partners may have been aware of what was happening with us, their thoughts were not on that to the degree our own were. They had to continue on with life as we fought our private demons. However much they care, they can not fully share what torment we go through to achieve sobriety and therefore can not share our "Pink Cloud" high as we find it.

Look for the balance, Buddy. Strive to reach an even keel. Of course, ocassional flowers, compliments and such are factors in every healthy relationship. Just have to keep it on a level that is real, not forced. You know?

Hey, Baja.. I am not trying to be a marriage counselor here! Just recognizing and sharing some of what occured for me and mine as we walked through all this. Smiles.

Hugs
reach

bajaboats · 03-01-2008, 12:28 PM

Thanks Reach,
Nice to hear your watching me. I knew you were still there, I could feel it.

I know what you mean. Reality is setting in and I have to remain clean and put on a happy face when ever I'm around her. I'm not going to go into any details about my life unless she asks. I think when I talk about how I'm doing with my recovery and how well I feel it just seems to make things worse with her. I'm just shuttin my mouth and let her come to me when she is ready all the time being nice and happy and listening.

I'm going to tone things down now starting today. I will keep you informed on the results.

I always apreciate your insight Reach. Please Share when you can.

As always,

Peace.
Baja

reachout · 03-01-2008, 01:25 PM

Baja

Buddy, you are one of the most bounding, enthusiastic spirits I have ever met. Chuckles. I am gonna guess that your zest for life is one of the things that attracted your wife to you. Yes?

Don't lose that spirit ever. So, you seperate a bit the enthusiasm for your addiction journey and share that most with others who understand, you know? And with wife, keep high the entusiasm high on the things that work between the two of you in your relationship.

Keep bounding, Baja!

Hugs
reach

blindmom1954 · 03-01-2008, 02:25 PM

just wanted to let everybody know i am a mother who.s son has been addictated for bout 10 years he,s 28 his drug of choice was lortabs then it escalated to metadone to try and get off lortabs it did,nt work that is the worst drug you can get on he went to jail and had to detox ended up in intensive care in a coma for 3 days finally got out got better i thought then he started the oxy trip that realy got bad started selling them to get one now he is in prison for 3 years been there 4 months said he never felt better hope it works this time blind mom

Sign Up Today!

Join Our Newsletter

Whoops,

Thank You