I am 59 and a former heroin addict who got clean in 1977. Started taking Percocet for severe degenerative disk disease in 2003. Had surgery, which didn't help. Started off taking one 5-mg Perc a day. Now I'm up to about 75 mg/day, taking 10 mg Oxy IR about every 3 hours.
The thing is, it's not helping the pain. And I'm not getting the nice warm fuzzy either -- which at least helped me tolerate the pain. I do not want to keep upping the dose (nor do I think the dr will prescribe any more than he's already giving me). I really just would like to get off it entirely.
What this has done to my life: My life revolves around the drug. I need it now to just function normally. I always have to have it with me, and think about the next dose. When the 3-hour mark approaches, I start sweating and feeling anxious. I am extremely irritable/depressed and my personality has changed. I take more than I'm supposed to on a daily basis, then end up counting the pills toward the end of the month. It doesn't even make me feel good anymore. I am miserable and want my old self back.
I've tried to taper before, and always end up finding an excuse to go back up again. (Like, something's coming up and I can't do it without the drugs.) I can't (don't want to) tell anyone about my problem. I don't want to tell my doctor, because I'm afraid of what the pain will be like if he cuts me off.
I thought maybe if I committed to a taper plan on this board, I would have to stick to it. I've tried to work out a very slow taper plan, but it still takes me out over three weeks. That is such a long time....I'm afraid of caving in the moments of weakness. But I'm afraid if I taper too quickly, the WD will be too bad...and I'll cave. Any thoughts?
I might add, heroin withdrawal lasted only a few days. Methadone withdrawal was over a month and was HORRID. I am hoping oxycodone withdrawal is not like methadone.
I hope with the support of others on this board who are going through this, I can get off this stuff and get my life back.
Nice to meet you, although I am sorry it is under such hard circumstances for you.
I understand your story all too well.
In October, 2006, I began long slow tapers from first Oxycodone and then from Xanax. Both were prescribed for pain initially, tolerance built on both, and eventually both led me to self medicating with them and a complete breakdown. I finished the taper in June, 2007 and am doing pretty well now. I have pain, yes, but it is no greater than when I was on the opiates and I have found ways to deal with it without the narcotics.
There is great hope and much help available to get off the Oxycodone. For me, it took massive discipline and massive support from live people (professionals, family and friends) and this board. But it has been accomplished and I do have my life back again.
As we develop a plan to recover and find a restored life, we must plan for how we will detox and for the aftercare we need to stay detoxed and move forward in life again. I believe that it is absolutely essential to work with a professional to develop the plan. I know, I know, how hard it is to face the thought even of divulging our secret hazy haven of narcotics to anyone. However, I also know the tremendous sense of relief that comes about once we do tell a doctor and confirm in our heads and minds that we really are working on a solid solution.
We can not afford to try and be solo acts when we recognize that a drug has begun to rule our lives. I know where it took me when I tried and it was way too close to death for comfort.
Please, spend some time reading here and also researching the various options.... cold turkey, tapers, suboxone, in-patient, out-patient. Think about what feels most comfortable for you, most doable. And then it is time to dig deep and find the courage to share with a doctor. Friend, the story is so not new to doctors. They will work with you, they will help you. And you can get better... better than you can believe possible at this point. I know this is a truth because I have lived it.
Please share some more with the board. Please know above all else how much hope there is. It is there for every single one of us.
Best best wishes
reach
PS.. a good read is the second thread on this board... Sample Home Detox. It is a good read to start preparing.
You came to the right place we are here to offer advice and support!! I know all to well what you are going through although my drug of choice was Lortab about 10 to 15 a day. Right now I'm close to a full three months clean and couldn't of done it without my friends here. It's hard work as you know!! Many people here have went to the doctor and they were put on Suboxone that have helped them with tapering. For me I just tapered for a few days and went from there. It was hell on earth but I hung on and posted here. It got better by day six and though I still have cravings it was the best decision I ever made. This can be done you just have to have a hell of alot of determination and strength. You only have one chace to live this life don't live in a fog it's amazing how much you miss.
Thanks for the welcome, Winnie and Reach. I am torn about whether to taper more quickly or even cold-turkey. I am already miserable, physically but probably more psychologically, with the taper. I'm sure the WD symptoms aren't that bad, or maybe even non-existent, but because I know I'm tapering, I think I'm having them. I hate watching the clock and not being able to just take them whenever I feel like it. I do know that I feel good right after my 'dose', but a few hours later, I'm freezing and feel like crap. I wish it wasn't so cold out, makes the chills worse even with the heat on....then I start thinking, "maybe I should wait until spring to do this"....you know -- any excuse! But this really is a perfect time to do this -- my schedule is pretty clear now, and I'd love to be back to normal by the summer.
I've been reading Meddguy's posts about his CT, and I start thinking maybe I should just do a quick taper and then bite the bullet, rather than dragging it out for weeks. I don't have anyone here to "hold" and administer the pills for me, so this will take tremendous discipline and willpower. I did it before (CT from smoking) but the nicotine WD is, uh, not quite as bad as opiates. I just want my happy self back, not the cranky bee-yotch I've turned into....
I have been where you are. Please know, there is light at the end of that dark tunnel.
I also tried to taper off my pain medication and sadly I failed. I had been clean for over 20 years, so, I understand.
Listen, let's be honest, tapering from your DOC is tough, really tough and cold turkey is hell. But, neither is impossible.
For you to be able to taper you will need a great deal of support, both here online and in person. IMO the first thing you need is one person who you can completely trust to hold your pills for you and to dispense them to you. Then you need a taper plan and after that, you need to accept the fact that the best laid plans, at times do not work. In other words, you cannot place time limits on any type of taper! It takes as long as it takes, period. The more pressure you place on yourself, the less chance you have for success.
Then you need a full and encompassing recovery plan, peer support, therapy, how to handle idle time and you need to learn to enjoy life and get active again. If you can organize all of this, lay it out, then understand that there will be bumps in the road and you cannot freak out about them. Expect them, accept them and learn to calmly work through them!
Think about this and if you need help, I'm here and I'm so is everyone else!
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