It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-29-2008, 09:16 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Long Beach, MS USA
Posts: 1
love the beach HB User
What a Mess I Seem to Have Created

I'm a Guardian to a 17 year (C). Her mother, my baby sister, committed suicide after becoming addicted to pain pills -jan. 07.C began experimenting with marj at this time.We have worked with counselors to make her suffer consequences but none have worked.She also smokes cigarettes. Now a 2nd niece (J) and her 2 children live with us because she is bipolar & her mother ,my oldest sister, passed away from cancer & was her caretaker -Aug 07.
A week ago C came in & had been doing her drug again, I told her next time I contact authorities.Tuesday night she came in high. While I was talking with her about this, she announced she had carried some to school that morning. I know consequences can be less if parent goes to school officals for help; I went to her school. Long story short, she argued with police, they had to come to my house,with my permission and search for rest of her drugs. Quite a bit was found in C's room but also found things in J's room. J was given a citation. C was arrested & taken to police station. After researching & calling around police decided against juvie & had me take her to a behavioral hospital for observation & stabilization.
Today in group she told everyone she didn't have a problem, weed was not bad & she would continue to do it when she got out. I go Tues to meet with Social Worker & doctor with C.
Now I took this action, I have both going to court and both mad at me. I feel like I ended up making biggest mistake & with police not taking her to at least see what it would have been like at juvie & behavioral place making light of the situation, C has not taken this seriously.Thanks for any advice.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-29-2008, 10:59 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,377
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: What a Mess I Seem to Have Created

WOW you've got your hands full.......I think you did the right thing. I think tough love is in order here, and you showed them that you're serious.

 
Old 03-30-2008, 03:35 PM   #3
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: ny
Posts: 37
percproblem HB User
Re: What a Mess I Seem to Have Created

I don't think that even if she did went to Juvie that she would have taken it seriously. Because there she would have met girls who are doing much worse drugs.
And in her mind it would have just reinforced the fact that she is NOT like them and that what she is doing is not wrong.

I am 29 now, but when i was in high school i completely rebelled. I smoked pot all the time and drank. WHy you ask? I don't know. I didnt think that smoking pot was a bad thing. Just like she doesn't.

What did wake me up though was having my mom sit there and cry in front of me one night and her saying, " i know that you think this is not a bad drug. And it isn't that bad. But, it puts you in touch with the wrong people. And those are the people who you will be with at "the wring time and place"!
Like a car accident because the driver was high. Or a shoot out, b/c the kid you are smoking with stole it from someone who's brother was in a gang.

I laughed b/c we were in upstate NY. But then i thought about and i realized she was right. Maybe pot is not a gateway drug for ALL kids. But it does put them in a high risk zone for being in the wrong placa and wrong time.

MY mom, did concede though and let me smoke cigarettes. She smoked too and I think she knew that she couldn't win on all fronts. But i did agree to stop the pot. And we both agreed that if i did find myself in a bad situation no matter what, she would come get me and ask no questions. So this way i wouldnt be driving or driving with someone else who was messed up.

Also, she told me that there was no money for college. So if i wanted to go, i had to take out student loan which i would have to pay back. (still am)! And that if i was spending all the time smoking in college and getting bad grades then i just wasted $40,000 to get high.

Well, that made total sense to me. (i was also 17 at the time). And i wanted to go away and board at college. Needless to say i went to school and got a 4.0 all 4 years and my mom became my best friend. She still is to this day.

I know i have been blabbering, but i just wanted to give you an idea of how kids think. I was one and one who did what she is doing.
Try talking to her like that, maybe it will work. I don't know if you have already. Maybe you tried everything.
But it seems to me that she wants to make a big deal out of it.....
It all boils down to attention.
I hope everything goes ok. PLease write us all back and keep in touch!

And just remember that God only gives you what you can handle. (though it may not seem it at times).
And more importantly, you are doing a GREAT, WONDERFUL and FANTASTIC thing for those kids. Just remember that!

 
Old 04-08-2008, 09:07 PM   #4
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 34
davemax67 HB User
Re: What a Mess I Seem to Have Created

I just want to share with you...definitely tough love...your doing the right thing...saving her from a world of pain. Hey look...we all deceive ourselves..pot isn't that bad...yeah...but why the hell do you need to medicate anyway. Isn't that indicative of a larger unaddressed problem. Like the extraordinary tragedy that she has experienced...As somone who worked with at risk kids...I see her acting out as a direct result of the pain...It's not rocket science. As for me...it started out much the same. Pot at age 14...no big deal...couple of problems over the years...but nothing major...then coke..powder...smoked it a little in the 80s but left it there for 15 years...then WHAM...my rationalization 3 years ago left me smoking a crack pipe and taking over 50k in my money. So what marijuana is not that it puts you withthe wrong crowd...it's part of it..but the largest issue is the habit your establishing for the rest of your life. Pain..take a shot, do a line, hit the stem, etc ad nauseam...When we learn to dealwith our emotions..easier said than done...me being chief idiot...but when we learn that lesson...life can truly change...I'm getting clean for the first time in 25 years...What a waste....It's not the drug per se...it's the damn habit it starts...then it creates a basis for other behavior..I hate the term gateway drug...becoz it's inaccurate...It's not like your pot dealer was your heroin dealer..but the attitude you take toward it..well...I handled pot..why not take a line of coke..or a hit of meth...what could possibly be the harm...that is what we need to prevent..God Bless and I truly wish you the best

 
Old 04-09-2008, 03:49 AM   #5
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,854
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: What a Mess I Seem to Have Created

Quote:
Originally Posted by love the beach View Post
I'm a Guardian to a 17 year (C). Her mother, my baby sister, committed suicide after becoming addicted to pain pills -jan. 07.C began experimenting with marj at this time.We have worked with counselors to make her suffer consequences but none have worked.She also smokes cigarettes. Now a 2nd niece (J) and her 2 children live with us because she is bipolar & her mother ,my oldest sister, passed away from cancer & was her caretaker -Aug 07.
A week ago C came in & had been doing her drug again, I told her next time I contact authorities.Tuesday night she came in high. While I was talking with her about this, she announced she had carried some to school that morning. I know consequences can be less if parent goes to school officals for help; I went to her school. Long story short, she argued with police, they had to come to my house,with my permission and search for rest of her drugs. Quite a bit was found in C's room but also found things in J's room. J was given a citation. C was arrested & taken to police station. After researching & calling around police decided against juvie & had me take her to a behavioral hospital for observation & stabilization.
Today in group she told everyone she didn't have a problem, weed was not bad & she would continue to do it when she got out. I go Tues to meet with Social Worker & doctor with C.
Now I took this action, I have both going to court and both mad at me. I feel like I ended up making biggest mistake & with police not taking her to at least see what it would have been like at juvie & behavioral place making light of the situation, C has not taken this seriously.Thanks for any advice.
Hello LTB,

Herein lies you "catch 22."

I would rather have them upset with me and know that I did this out of true concern, than to have them like me, thus condoning their behavior.

Realize that this not only can cause them legal problems but there is potential for you also.

Worse case scenario: You never reported their use/abuse and the police raided the house. The entire household would be held accountable.

Keep on doing what your doing; it leaves them few options and sad to say, if the end result is incarceration, they brought it upon themselves.

What else can you be expected to do?(rhetorical)

Take care.

Respectfully,

Phoenix

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Swollen knee, no pain and no injury....don't know what it is :( becca1981 Open to All Other Health Topics 3 10-03-2010 09:37 AM
Just diagnosed with Vestibular Imbalance Disorder... after a decade!!! Now what? Julius2009 Inner Ear Disorders 77 01-22-2010 01:52 AM
Social Anxiety (or what I'd like to call the "Excuse Addict") VoodooQueen Anxiety 0 06-14-2009 09:13 AM
Latest Dilemma....what to do? mary09 Brain Tumors 8 09-07-2008 12:03 PM
Please Help, I don't know what's wrong with me butrfligirl28 Pain Management 20 07-21-2008 05:05 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:54 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!