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Old 04-15-2008, 11:49 AM   #1
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Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Hello all,
Well today is the first day off of everything, it is amazing how I can taper off from about 20+ mg of D down to 2 mg and feel alright, now today I am going thru pure "H". I started to the day with about 5 trips to the restroom and about 4 doses of immodium, I have taken a total of about 1 mg xanax in divided doses. I know I have to feel this, and convince myself the crappier I feel, the better I am getting?! Isnt it funny how we have to play mind games with ourselves?! I have taken my vitamins and drinking so much water. What else can I do here outside of sticking a fork in my eye?! Please..any advice would be appreciated. And Yossanrian..thanks so much for your words of encouragment, it is more appreciated than I can express!! How much longer am I going to feel this way even after tapering???

 
Old 04-15-2008, 12:33 PM   #2
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jerry111165a HB User
Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

I find praying helps.
I'm not religious,but I have this relationship with my own God...
Trust me,get down on yer knees and pour your heart out...
what can it hurt?
I'm not kidding when I tell you it helped me.

peace.

 
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Old 04-15-2008, 12:38 PM   #3
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

For the bathroom trips, get some warm water and mix jello with it....and drink it will stop the runs.......plus you don't have to take so much immodium........take a hot bath...lots of them.....it soothes you....also...get some pepto...helps stomach...or some phenergan if you have any. doctor will call in for a stomach bug.....that will help you sleep......take at night........you can do this!! Stay strong and fight it!!! Don't let IT win!!!!!!!
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Old 04-15-2008, 04:09 PM   #4
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Thank you so much Flint and Jerry! Its now about 7p and the the trips to the restroom seem to have stopped. Now I have the skin creeps and the shakes and of course I have been crying like a baby. I to am spiritual, but last night was the last night I got down on my knees...its time to keep doing that! I thought tapering would make it so much easier, today I feel as though I should have just quit cold turkey! I keep telling myself that it will be over by tomorrow....I worry my son might just pop over and when I tell him I have the "flu" he tends to want to stay and lay next to me. Cant deal with company! Can anyone tell me if they tapered as I have about how long this will last?! Thanks again and God bless!

 
Old 04-16-2008, 01:57 AM   #5
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Vicky,for me, it seemed like it took just as long to actually detox, however, it may not be as bad as not having tatered.Did that come out right?*lol*
Tapering is a good thing, but we still need to go through the wd's at the end.Please hang in there,it can get bad but it only lasts so long and there IS light at the end of the tunnel.Tomorrow WILL come,wether its tomorrow or the next day.Be strong!

peace

 
Old 04-16-2008, 09:30 AM   #6
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Oh Jerry, I woke up today at noon thinking i may feel much better, I dont. At least my emotions are such a wreck. Feel so weak and what worries me the most is I have to work tomorrow and I have my easy access to my drug of choice there! I have taken 8 days off to taper because I though that may to the trick and cant take another day. I am so scared that if I feel this bad it is so easy for me to grab a dose, so to say. I have gotton on my knees and will do the same tomorrow. This has got to get better....

 
Old 04-16-2008, 03:52 PM   #7
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

If you can make it to work and get through the day...you can do it!!!! you have to carry on with life...it WILL get better. You've come too far to turn back now. you have the rest of your life to be free of this elephant...and it's worth every bad day of it.The future is bright as you make it. and I want you to make it............keep praying asking HIM to give you strength...he can and will. Ask him to help you make it through the day....and he will!!! Believe it..........You hang tough and in 3 weeks, I want to read your posts and feel your smile as you write...........you've come a long way baby!!!!!
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:08 PM   #8
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Thanks so much for the words of encouragment. Actually made me cry. I am struggling so hard today. I have to work tomorrow and my day starts at 4am and I worry that if I feel as bad as I do now, it is way to easy to relapse As they say, one is to many and a thousand is never enough. I really am scared to wake up feeling this crappy..God give me the strength! I feel so sick right now. Thanks again for the support. God love you!

 
Old 04-16-2008, 06:01 PM   #9
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Vicky,
I would almost bet that the reason you are feeling so sick is anxiety about returning to work, and the temptation that awaits you there. Our minds can do such horrible things to our bodies. You have to go to work and face the demons. You will be surprised at how much better you feel when you get into the load of work waiting for you after 8 days off
You can do this. I worked through my entire withdrawal from pain meds. We were just too busy at work to consider a day off. While you've been home, your main focus has been on your withdrawal. Once you get to work and your mind gets in "work mode", you will be fine. Take it from an old work horse
Best wishes,

JB

 
Old 04-17-2008, 02:41 AM   #10
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Vicky,dont give in!
Easy for me to say...just think about how how much hell you've been thru this week....easier to say than do,I mean...but dont do it. We're both in the same boat,I think. For me right now I just dont want to go thru the hell I went thru last week. it was sooooo bad....just keep thinking about going thru that whole crappy detox AGAIN....ugh.
I know it sux. I'm not sleeping. I'm exhausted. Work sux sometimes. I dont think theres any easy way or miracle. we just have to put our noses down and be strong and get thru it.
I've been an addict in one form or another seems like forever. I'm 42 now. I just cant keep going that route. Its not healthy in body or mind. My family needs me. I cant keep spending all on drugs. I do ok, but it all dissapears when yer using,doesnt it.
Be strong today. let me know later how you're doing,please.
I'll pray for you.

peace.
jerry.

 
Old 04-17-2008, 07:00 PM   #11
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Jerry, thank god this is a computer, because I wouldnt be able to face you or anyone of you who has helped me thru this ordeal. I relapsed within 1 hour, thats all it took. I am so ashamed of myself. The Guilt is so unbearable, but it is obvious my addiction is out of control. I had 72 hours of clean and it took only moments to take it away. I am considering suboxone, I need to know how it works and what to expect when tapering from it. Do you know? I know it is kept confidential, but because of my profession, which I know I cant say here, if they have to either report it or ensure I am unable to work during that time. Please keep me in your thoughts. I am such a strong bull headed woman, but damn this disease makes me so weak and pathetic.

 
Old 04-17-2008, 08:02 PM   #12
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Vicky - I believe from reading your posts we are in the same profession, you, me and all others in our profession are entitled to confidential treatment. I have taken Sub - no licensing issue, not reported to any agency just don't admit to diverting any medications to the doctor, even if you have. Save that for aa/na meetings. You can work on Sub and narcotics have no effect on you. It has saved my life. I will be thinking of you and watching for posts - hang on. I have walked in your shoes and can say with confidence that you can and will get through this - you have admitted your problem and want to stop- those are the most important steps to getting better.

 
Old 04-17-2008, 08:03 PM   #13
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granny0 HB User
Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Vicky, you aren't the first person who gives into temptation quickly. What's done is done. Tomorrow, however, is a new day. You were clean 72 hours. That took a lot of strength for you to do that. Just because you slipped up today, it doesn't mean you have resume your habit where you left off. Remember the withdrawals you've been through in the last week.

If you want to go the Sub route, call someone right away. Set things in motion. Don't let yourself fall back into what you were fighting so hard to stop. I don't have easy access to pain pills so I know it's easier for me not to use, Thank God, or I would be struggling more than I do now with cravings.

Hang in there, please don't give up on yourself. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Best wishes,
JB

 
Old 04-18-2008, 01:47 AM   #14
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Vicky,jeez, I am so,so sorry. believe me when I tell you I know exactly what you are going thru.
I came here starting,oh,6 months ago and said I was going to quit 3-4 times.I tried, at least I think I did, but I always relapsed. Trust me when I say I am still scared to death right now of doing the same thing.
Right now I am on day 8. It's 4:30am and I am at work after over an hour drive here because I just cant sleep. I thought I was getting better but for the last 2 days my legs and it seems like my body,too, is still going crazy
My head seems clear, but my body is just not over this,even after 8 days. I guess thats what years of massive addiction will do to us.
I really,really hope that you keep trying. I know this is just a computer but if you were here I'd luv to just give you a great big ol' hug...again,believe me when I tell you I know EXACTLY where you are at right now. Sucks,huh...but I really think that the bottom line is that you realize whats going on and deep down, like myself know that you NEED to do something about it.
The same thing could happen to me today,or tomorrow, or even months from now...
if you can,hon, please try and not do any more. Maybe if you did just do it the one time detoxing again wont even be so bad...since you already have the few days under your belt maybe it wont be bad at all....
God,I know what you are going thru. I feel your pain. I've been where you are right now so many times...Please know that I am here anytime and I really do care.
Please keep posting.
Oh, dont forget, so,so,so important right now, get down on your knees, or even anytime when you're alone and can just think quietly...PRAY.
You know what to do. Ask for help. Beg for help.I truly know that this is the one thing that has kept me sane. I'm not religious. not in the traditional sense, anyhow. I dont go to church on Sunday mornings.(although I should)*lol* The bottom line is that last week,at my lowest point, I took a few minutes and got down on my knees and begged for help with this awful addiction. I had nowhere else to turn, believe me all of my avenues were shot. I immediately felt so much better...and each day I have asked for help to stay clean, and thanked God for helping me be clean the day before...
I'm not trying to push religion or anythinng else like that on you. As a matter of fact that is something I really dont like out of anyone. I'm just letting you know what has worked for me.
I wish you a good day, the best one you can have, anyhow.
Keep posting.
******GREAT BIG GIANT WARM HUGS******

peace, and God bless.
jerry.

peace

 
Old 04-18-2008, 01:52 AM   #15
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Re: Need help..like a fork stuck in my eye might help!

Vicky, one more thing...
I also considered the suboxone route.
I even made about a hundred calls about it. it didnt seem to want to work out, docs, insurance,etc.
I took it as a sign that if I did go that route I was going to be putting off the inevitable, which was just putting my foot down and quiting altogether.
This is just me,tho....I have heard great stories from others about it.
Whatever you decide,whichever route you take is a good one if you can get off the *****.

***more hugs***

please check in w/ me later.

peace.
jerry.

 
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