I've been addicted to ketamine for 7 years. i used to take 3-4 grams a day but now i take 1 1/2 grams a day. i started taking it after a traumatic event in my life, it was like my escape from reality but i continued to take it and years have past and i'm still taking it. The mad thing is is that i have a well paid job and its not effecting my worklife. My family haven't a clue and most of my friends don't know either. The few who do know don't realise the extent of it. i feel like im living a double life and its awfull. I leave my family and go and get wrecked and think "they haven't a clue whats going on" i really want to get help but it seems its easier said than done. i have rang help lines before (frank) but they were absolutely useless. Where do i go to get help??? i know theres loads of people out there with similar stories but where do you go?
Its sad because taking ketamine has impaired my memory and when i look back at what should be the best times of my life, its just a hazy, ket filled blurr. Please help!!!!!
hey davies, i've only tried ket a handful of times. So im not sure about its long term use. What i can say is that - if i was you - i would approach my doctor and have a chat with him/her. Normally they will then make you an appointment/referal to see someone at your local Drug & Alcohol Team (i am in England - and thats how its done here). There they will have a chat, ask you about your addiction etc. From this they will work out the best way to approach your problems. I was a heroin addict for a long time, i never thought i'd be able to give up. Its surprising what you can do when you have the help & support you need. You've made the 1st step which is admitting it to yourself (via leaving this post) - thats a milestone. have a think about it and post back soon.
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
i know what you are saying and i've thought of that but i couldn't face going to my gp as he knows my mum, dad and family. i know its confidential and all but it would be too weird. im considering finally telling my mum but then i think it will just drag up the past too much and she wouldn't understand, she has no clue whatsoever about drugs and if i tell her its ketamine she just wouldn't understand. its gone on that long now i think just want to try and help myself without my family having to know. i'm a strong person so i know i can do it but i just don't know the best way to do it. i waste so much money on it and when i get it i hate being on it!! thats the wierd thing. i feel like i take it to punish myself now. well anyway got work in the morning............my other life!
There is a whole lot of hope for you to get away from this addiction and reclaim your life. It's great to see you posting and I hope you find encouragement and support here... actually, I have no doubt you will. Smiles. This board provided me with so much support as I tapered from Oxycodone and then from Xanax. It was a huge part of my being able to get through the whole process of detoxing and move into recovery and find happiness in my life again. A huge part.
There were other huge parts also, other necesaary huge parts. Those parts came in the form of professionals, family and friends... all live, 3-D support that was vital. I, too, am a strong woman in many ways, but this sure was no adventure that I could go through alone without every single support system being in place. It is not our own strength or will that gets us out of the addiction mess.... it is the help of others to guide us along in changing how we think about drugs ( that's the professionals like social workers, therapists, drug counselors and the people in groups like AA, NA) and it is our family and friends who hold us up when we can not stand alone.
Falling into addiction is a solo act in that we need no one else to get hooked. However, the act of getting out of it and truly finding recovery and restoration takes a whole village of help. A big village at that.
One of the scariest, most horribly embarrassing and humiliating things as we commit to detox and recovery is the telling of our story to our doctor and family. And you know what? It is also the most relief-giving, hopeful feeling that will come once the whole thing is out in the open. Truly. It is the gateway into pushing ahead full steam with our planned out process. The doctor will so have heard your story and seen your pain before. What is a painful, painful secret in your life is a secret that so many have harbored in their souls before you. Like me. Like Yoss. Let it go, Davies and open up. I tell you, it is one of the best shrings you will ever do. Don't let this drug claim any more of you. Be brave, be strong enough to give up the secret to those who can truly help you. No more hiding.
Come share some more when you can.
With all hope
Confusion/shame/fear/guilt and all those are all the usual companions that come with addiction. In my case, I found that as time went on the effects that I was looking for through drugs became more and more rare and all the negative aspects became to get enhanced. That seems to be the usual pattern and then we are stuck with a habit that we don't want anymore.
Reach out for help, there is no need to hide things. While people might not know this side of you, it is very possible that those closest to you can sense that something is "off". Keeping secrets keeps the shame alive and serves no purpose. This is my opinion, although my family knew about my drug use even before I wanted help. But since getting clean, being open and honest has played a big role in allowing me to feel better about myself.
Any addiction is possible to overcome, there is nobody beyond hope. If you take the first steps and open yourself up to getting better, then things will fall into place. Things seem to work out that way...