Hi I've been lurking here...lurking's not a great word...lol. I've been coming here for inspiration and guidance for the past couple of months.
Here's a bit of my story...
For the past couple of years i've been in relapse mode...I had been clean for three years...my d.o.c was Vicodin, that was first prescribed for severe migraines...before that I had been on fiorinal/w codeine which was also a nightmare. At the worst point my neurologist had me on the fentanyl patch and I ended up severe w/ds when I decided to just stop using them (I didn't realize how strong a drug this was...wouldn't wish the w/d's on my worst enemy!)
Anyway...a couple of years ago my headaches started getting worse, so I stupidly began taking t-4's...which of course escalated to vic's and then I discovered percs...which I embraced almost from the start. They gave me energy and relaxed me, along with the pain control so I was able to work, etc....fast forward to February '08...I was out of control with this stupid drug...I ran out of it almost as fast as I could get my hands on it. Always got it through rx, but it was getting crazy! I had to stop...many things gave me the inspiration...but I finally decided on a very slow taper...I tapered all the way down in my perc usage, then I switched to tylenol w/ codeine and tapered down from that, which made the transistion much easier. I had tapered off the vic's before, and I knew that I could do it, but it was still damn hard not to cheat!!
Anyway...I want to thank everyone on this board for being such an inspiration and helping me through this hard time...I've come here during the taper...found you guys toward the end, but have come here every day since I found you! You've helped me to stay clean and not to waver...HUGE HUGS to everyone here! I want you to know that you're all a part of my day and a saving force in my sobriety. I can't tell you how much that means!!!
Thank you and God bless you all!!
I'll of course still be coming by every day...to see how everyone's doing and to drink in the inspiration. Life is beautiful, is it not? *Smiles*
Re: Over two months clean...with all of your help!
What a great post Dreaming...does'nt sound like a dream anymore..so how many days clean? Your post is awesome and encouraging to me!! I have tryed the taper thing and found I was just to dang greedy and couldnt do it!
Re: Over two months clean...with all of your help!
Awww...thanks VickyC! You know I really haven't been counting days...i've been counting weeks so I just pulled the calendar off of the wall and counted the days...I have 61 days clean from all narcotics. Knowing that makes me feel very blessed! Thanks for inspiring me to count 'em!
I know that tapering is a hard thing to do...I caved in a couple of times a overdid it, having to cut my taper a bit short. I know that i'm too big of a wuss to have to deal with ct's, though, and being a taurus i'm pretty bull headed lol, so I got through the taper. Looking back i'm amazed that I did...but it was better than the viscious hell circle of addiction.
Everyone that needs to be sober finds their own way, though...i'm sure that you're going to be ok, VickyC...i've read your posts and congratulate you for getting off the not so merry-go-round! You rock! I want to thank you and everyone else here for your support during my early days off of drugs...and even to this day!
Re: Over two months clean...with all of your help!
Wow, Jerry...thinking that I could inspire someone makes me feel really great! You are the ones that inspire me, though! Reading at this site has helped me in my recovery so much! Having faith in yourself...feeling that you're worth being sober is a hard thing to do for us addicts...the voice that you percieve to be your inner voice, is really the addiction talking to you...once you're clean you can hear your true inner voice...with that evil, false voice of addiction getting further, and further away the more days that you stay clean...
I think i'm beginning to ramble...so i'll just say that it's a privilage to be able to read about your lives...and sharing about myself feels really incredible! Now i'll stop...lol!
Re: Over two months clean...with all of your help!
Great Post dreaming! You’re on your way to a better life, a better way of living where everything is clear and not blurred... It brings tears to my eyes to read stories of others pain and triumph because I know the pain of using and I also know the joy in not using. Your strong words will inspire others and you should be proud of yourself. Please keep us posted as your journey progresses into its next stages ok?
Re: Over two months clean...with all of your help!
Thanks for your kind words Jaime...
I'm just back from a walk outside in the beautiful April sunshine...it's warm as early summer out...the sun was warming my back and the birds were singing, everything was in bloom.. It was truly a blessing to experience all of this in a clear, undrug-hazed state! I wanted to cry tears of joy, but I beamed a content, happy smile instead. Life is beautiful!
I will certainly keep you posted on my journey...and I so look forward to reading about everyone else's experiences when I come here daily.
love and peace to all...
Dream
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Dream up the world you want to live in...dream out loud!!!
