Where are you, Girl? I have been popping in, but haven't seen anything. Hope you are okay. I am outta here for tonight... grandbaby here overnight so I have to be up early. I will catch up with you tomorrow.
Where has everyone gone to? I've just been real tempted and upset as of late. The kids are being kids and driving me nuts. DH is going to the Sandbox for an undisclosed amount of time. My doc put me back on the hydrocodone for my back, but I havent been sticking to the prescription. Things start to go well, then it just falls apart. I guess I'm jsut looking for a smack along side my head to stop what I'm doing and get on with it.
With DH gone I'm going to be the only one here and my coping mechanism (hydros) will be my only help....I need to get out of that mindset.
Here I am! I've been having a rough week or so, so I apologize profusely for not being near. Plus I am addicted to Ryan's Hope re-runs and my wife is worried...haha.
My #1 advice is --- start journaling the hydro use. Get a little spiral notebook like reporters use and keep it with you. Make a column TODAY and write down when, how much and WHY.
What's going on with your back?
Do you live near a base (sorry if dumb question but I don't assume) --- a free gym? My advice for both the back and the blahs, boredoms --- go to the gym and ask a trainer for some exercises for your back and your abs. The big thing I learned with my bad back last year was to strengthen them BOTH.
If DH is going to be gone long enough, write him a letter every day. Let me assure you --- he will never get sick of them. I got so many Girl Scout cookies but it was the LETTERS I loved. email sucks. I'm sorry, I know that sounds archaeic, but it's instant-gratification. Letters have a soul...they are a part of YOU - your handwriting, perfume (yes, guys like it)....
Is there a wives' club? How about organizing a 1 night a week potluck at your house? Keep busy with the very people who can know what it's like to BE YOU.
I'll stop blabbering but know I'm here....I'm praying for you both...
Sweetpea, no smack upside the head for you from me ever, but I am going to give it to you straight because I really do care.... it is offbase to try and use your situation as an excuse to use. Stop it.
The hydros are not your only coping mechanism.... as a matter of fact, they are not a coping mechanism period for your situation, but a HIDING mechanism. They are a pain relief agent and NOT an emotional relief agent. Keep it straight because you do know the difference.
What are the suitable coping mechanisms for your situation? Some that come to my mind... incorporating friends and family more tightly into your circle of support so that you will have them as avenues to talk to for support and for help with the kids. Don't have friends to swap off kid time with? Then make that a project and throw yourself into it. Save your change and wrap it so that every few weeks you can afford a babysitter even if it is just so that you can go to a store alone. Get involved in church, PTA and some kind of grown up circle. Start walking for calm time. Take care of Hubby long distance well with letters as Droopy has suggested. Learn to crochet or knit and have a new blanket ready to cuddle up with Hubby when he returns.
Maggie, I am sorry Hubby is going away for an undisclosed time. I really am. However, Sweetpea, some Moms have hubbies who are gone forever or never even existed and they cope... without drugs... and survive well.
You are better and smarter, you are so much more, than the thoughts you are having. When they come, fight them down. Use the tools you have already gained... walk the thoughts off, sing them away, dance them out, whatever, post them. Like Phoenix writes: "When in doubt, post it out." And I am going to add my own little special saying for you here along those lines.. "Post before you pop." The thoughts may come, but we have control over how we react to them.
Stay close to the board, Maggie... we are here for you.
Well, I don't have anyone that I can leave the meds with to dole out, but they are goingto run out in the next couple days anyhow...but I'm trying my darndest to not take more than prescribed.
We don't live close enough to the base to take advantage of anything and since DH is part of the Reserve component, there is no spouse club. They finally got an Ombudsman, but there are over 500 people that she has to reply to. His orders are for 426 days BOG and an extension is possible...so it'll be for a while ha ha ha
Writing to him is a definate and I am going to try to make some me time.
My back still sux and I got a cortisone shot in my hip a couple weeks ago and it seems to have helped a bit. I also got a shot in my hand, but it didn't do anything....oh well, enough moping.
Gotta do the laundry....wwwoooooo hoooooo at least I know my laundry will always be here for me
Mag -- I understand how the Reserve family has to cope during deployment...a reservist's motto is "twice the citizen" but sometimes I think we forget about the family's adjustment. so I didn't blink when you said the Ombudsman has to deal with 500 requests.
Ok, here are my thoughts, coupled with Reach's latest:
a. Ok, so there's no base (as in facility) but there is a base (as in FAMILY). contact the Ombudsman and/or the chain of command that remains here and tell them you want to arrange a Family pot luck next Wednesday. All are welcome if they bring a dish and their own dishes/utensils. You just want to start an activity where people with common stressors these days need fraternity.
b. 2nd - get out and walk walk walk or swim swim swim that back. It will help you so much. do you like that show "biggest loser"? I think they had a series once about spouses and how they were all going to workout to look like hotties when the deployed spouse came home. Is there any spouse out there you can bond with - reach out?
In today's world (pardon me while I sermonize) I think we have lost our sense of community. We shut our doors and check the neighbors out from behind the blinds. In your situation in particular, you NEED community and the military tries, but in the reserve world, it's very difficult bec sometimes you all don't live near your reserve center/armory/whatever it's called.
OK, so your job, dear Corporal Maggie ...is to BE that community. It only takes one person, right? You need a mom's club or a wives' club or whatever you want to call it. If you build it, they will come. They will look at you as so brave and self-assured and self-confident that you could start this club. If you do the work, they will come. People are lazy and want someone else to do the work!
Wouldn't you rather talk/commisserate with someone in the know than a white pill? Wouldn't you like to get up in the morning knowing how proud your DH is of you than groggy and constipated and alone?
Hey, here's one more idea --- the Wives Day Off club: 5 of you get together and clean the 6th wives' house. Then, like a pyramid scheme (that's legal) you rotate so every 6th week your house is clean?
Be creative - try to use your mind to the benefit or yourself and OTHERS. We all have a purpose here --- find what yours can be right now.
Man, I'm chatty in the morning....
With care and believe me, understanding
Droopy and Droopy's Wife who co-wrote half this entry in solidarity.
Last edited by DroopyEyes; 04-27-2008 at 06:41 AM.
Thanks for all the good suggestions. Unfortunately, where we are there are no other military members and we are a good hours drive from base. I do sometimes make my pilgrimage to the commisary and the NEX, but it's few and far between.
I used to knit in the past and got great plesure from making all the blankets, washcloths, etc..., but due to my carpal tunnel and des Quervains it hurts to do, but I muddle my through it in short spurts.
The weather has been decent (by WA state standards) lately and the kids are enjoying the new swingset, luckily put up a few weeks ago, and would love to live on the thing. Going for walks is difficult at best. I can put the 2 youngest in the double stroller and have the 4yr old walk with me....granted, I won't be burning any calories with her negative 5 mph pace, but it does get us out of the house.
Soon we'll be able to go camping and we are all very excited for that! Day by day by day.....
Anywhooooooo, today is going well, aside from the kids killing each other! Hope you all had a good weekend.
I think this is the first night that I'm going to bed before midnight in weeks! I swear...those 2 girls (the older ones, the baby doesn't have a part in the trickery yet) are on my last nerve....
I think I know what needs to be done--we need to get back on schedule again. We've all been sleeping in until 0930 and not even eating breakfast until 1000 or so.
I have 9 pills left and I plan on only taking 1, if needed, to control the pain in my arms, they are super bad today, I think it's from mowing the yard 2 days ago. I also have still been takin all my supps so the wd's shouldn't be that bad, but been there donethat.
Setting the alarm for 0730 and getting the girls up by 0800 with a nice revilee!
Hope everyone has a good Monday. Thanks so much Reach and Droopy.
PS Ryans Hope???!!! EEE Gads!! I remember my mom watching that when I was a little girl LOL
Little Mama, I think that getting into a better routine is going to help you a lot. When I started withdrawal, I went into an almost military routine with myself. It really helped to give me a greater sense of balance. Seems for me that when I sharpened my sense of routine, I sharpened my sense about every thing that I did.
Maggie, I know how trying it can be to have the children and face being on your own for a stretch of time. Really I do. When my own kids were small ( I had 3), my husband would have to leave sometimes for 4-6 weeks at a time to go to school for work. After I had my last baby, my brother's marriage and whole life fell apart. ( Mom and Dad had both been using). I suddenly had 6 kids instead of 3. Two were 6, one 5, one 4, one 2 and my baby, 6 mos. It became a household twice the size overnight! What started out as a temporary situation turned into a long term one. Routine became my saving grace. The kids were all here when school once again came up for my husband... 6 weeks out in Oklahoma. And it was right when school bbegan for the kids. Yikes! Without a routine and schedule that was followed pretty much without fail, I think I would have lost my marbles! However, sanity and relative calm prevailed when routine was followed.
Try to keep yourself as rested as you can, Maggie. It makes a world of difference in how we react and handle our lives.
OK, can my week not get any crappier????? I have stopped the hydros, actually ran out, but no wd's from them and had no desire to even take one until early this AM. Thank god I have valium and clonazepam!
I got a call from DHs Reserve CO informing me that he had been injured and was being medivaced (sp?) and the rest of the convo was pretty much a blur. I am staying by the phone to await any kind of word, but I assume that if it was something super terrible then I would have a knock at the door vs a phone call right? I'm trying to stay positive and think about how he was doing his job keeping other people safe, but it doesn't seem fair.
Anyhow, I've thrown up 3 times this AM and have major diarrhea (from stress) and trying to keep it together for the kids. I've called one of my girlfriends who used to be stationed with us because she went through something similar and was very understanding and sympathetic. I'm getting real tempted to call in a refill on the pills, but I"M NOT!
Ok, well, I need to go puke again. Please pray he is going to make it home.
A million prayers for hubby. I am so very sorry and can only imagine the worry you are experiencing. I can not think of much to say that I would be able to hear myself in your shoes. I wish I could just hold on to you and sit beside you.
Please stay in touch with the board. I know this is going to affect all of us and there will be many, many prayers for your family.