I just talked to Ryan (boyfriend). He told me the day after her got arrested that he was facing up to a year in jail. I thought really thats not bad. Well I just got off the phone with him and...he had court this morn. They offered him 15 years. He didn't want to tell me in fear I'd go off the deep end and stay at the "house". He was right I would have stayed there. After my call with him I recieve a call from a former...hmm co worker if you will. The rest of my co workers got bolted to the wall today. Each one had at least 50 grams on them. There are 4 of them that I know of so far. Had Ry told me about his long term sentence I would have been number 5. Thats the good news. The bad news is they impounded my cars and when raiding my house totally trashed it. Took all of my electronics etc. I know I shouldn't worry about such things right now,but man I could reallly use a fix. Perhaps stopping the subs so soon was a mistake? I dunno. What I do know is that I'm angry/relieved/depressed/tired/worried/sober/confused.
Obviously I don't know you or the pain you are feeling, but don't give up. I have been fighting back from a violent, sexual, 'stranger' assault, through several years of serious Rx drug abuse (up to 40 norcos a day), depression, sub treatment and right now, pretty severe sub withdrawals that I in no way saw coming out of my own lack of research and knowledge. I believe the dr when he said it would be easy to come off the sub. Liar. But the point is, sweetie, don't give in or up. Not worth it. there's always, ALWAYS< a reason to stay here and stay sober. Stupid sounding? probably, but don't give up.
I read your post at 3am,b4 I took my shower and drove to work. I thought about your situation, and you, all the way to work.(hour and change).
I dont have any miracle answers. I do,however, see how well you are doing,how great your attitude and your head have been the last few days...The clean time you have behind you...That is so,so huge...Isnt it 7 DAYS for you right now?????You cant go backwards,please dont go backwards...7 days is so big,so tremendous to you...I am so damn proud of you....You know how hard it is to get to that point....
As far as the cars and things that got trashed...you need to look at it like this...look at the life you were living...you need to look back and always tell yourself,look at my things gone and broken, and the people around me gone...
if you use this will come right back at you,again and again...
Theres a reason for everything. You're not in jail for a reason. Stay clean,please. When you feel better, slowly, use your time to be productive some how, in a good way...Take this as a very harsh reality lesson.
You know,as well as all of us, that with heavy heroin use comes only jail or death. you're doing so,so well and I am so proud of you.
I really do care. I'll be right here beside you to hold your hand thru this,if you want. ( I could use the support myself)...*smile* You know what you need to do to get back to your "normal", before drugs life, and its only one thing...whatever happens,DONT USE.
I am so proud of you,did I mention that? It is day 7 for you,right?
Hey,about those cars and things and the situation....
"There are things you can replace, and others you cannot.
The time has come tto weigh those things,this space is gettin' hot...."
Hi cheeks. Something Phoenix said really hit home. Misery loves company. When I was using heavily, I felt like I was in a prison myself. I came across a friend who had cleaned up, and I wished this person was still in the same boat as I was. For some reason, if my friends were still using, it made it ok for me to be using as well. I justified using in so many ways. My quality of life was better, I had something to kill the pain, it's my life, why should I be miserable if I didn't have to? etc., etc. But I was wrong. So wrong. I began to realize that nothing could be worse than the life I was living. Stay strong, my friend. You will begin to see differences in the way you feel. You will begin to realize that life is worth living if you give yourself the chance. Things will get better. I promise. This realization only came with time. Time being clean. You will find that you have reason to live again...reasons other than getting high. Please stay strong and give time time. My prayers are with you.
***hugs*** Good morning. I'm here and most importantly I'm sober. ~smiles~ The last 24 hours have been very trying for me,but I've pulled through. Not to say I've come to terms with whats on my plate but one by one I'm dealing with them. I as always want to say thank you for all your support it really is needed. I only hope that at some point I can return the favor. Im not feeling the greatest,I'm thinking I have pericarditis. Anyone else ever get this? It's a direct result of my drug abuse. As far as Ryan goes I have to just let things happen. I have to realize I have no control. That's proving to be more difficult than I'd expect. Congrats to all that are making huge steps in your recovery. I pray for you everyday. Jerry I'm here for you just as you are for me. ~big smiles~