It has been a tough week for me. I have been tested at EVERY corner. I am happy to say that I am CLEAN and happy. I made it through and have learned more than I ever have before. This is what happened. My wife had surgery and "of course" us addicts think --DRUGS!!. She was given the good stuff to knock her out (vercet and Fetynal) WOW --was I jealous --lol. Then the DR. gave her (me) a script for V. I looked at it and my mind started scheming. For some reason, at that point I started to think "this is what I always do, dont." It was hard, because your mind keeps going back to it, rationalizing, etc. At the pharmacy, I asked for only 5 pills. The pharmacist looked puzzled and said "you should really have all of them" I said "NO THANKS--we will be fine" First battle won by me. --Pills at the house, YUCK. First time in over 2 months that there has been a pill here. It constantly bugged me. It took over my thoughts at all times. They had to go. She only used one, hated it and went back to ADVIL. I wish I was her. We flushed the other 4. Battle #2 won.! Next day. Got a call from work, stating that one of my collegues needed pain meds and they left a bottle of them for him in my desk, "could you please give them to him!!" --WOW. Is this really happening! Went in, gave bottle to friend "said --BE CAREFUL, that stuff is strong" and walked away! --Battle #3 WON.
You never know whats around the corner folks, so YOU HAVE TO bulid a very strong foundation. You will not will a battle like that with a simple "no". Our minds dont work that way. I thought of NA and my friends and the things I have learned. I thought of my wife and kids and my new life with them. I thought of you guys and my words that have meaning. Words that would be meaningless if I used and lied.
It was a tough week and a learning week, but I made it through.
D
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"1 is too many and 1000 is not enough" -
You passes those tests with flying colors! Be ever vigilant, because there will probably be more on the way.
Even better yet, meddguy, I'm sure your post will give inspiration to others that have these tests in their future. Even if your post only inspired one other person to do what you did, then your strong will have not only helped you, but another. Then that person will inspire another, and another.
Meddguy,
You passed the test!! I also was tested.. had to take my Mother her pain pills. But I wasn't even really tempted. I am currently down to 1.5 mgs in the morning of sub, and this time, I'm not scared! I know that it's time, and I'm ready. I may feel crappy for a few days, but I'm ready to be clean totally.. so wish me luck guys... I'm now going to take them only when I start to feel bad. Then gradually...no more. But I just wanted to say good for you.. It's hard to pass temptation, but you did it. Because once you cross that bridge, it's hard to return, if you ever can. My grandmother went through the program with me, but unfortunately she had to have shoulder surgery and back on the pain pills. But I think she was taking them before that anyway, and this just gave her a reason to start back. I can't do it for her though, ya know? I've had to accept that.
Anyway, I haven't been on in a while, just want to say hello to all the veterans that's helped me in the past, hope you are all doing well!!
You never know whats around the corner folks, so YOU HAVE TO build a very strong foundation.
My friend, truer words have never been written for an addict. Recovery is all about working to build that foundation. It takes time, but as we build it, it becomes stronger and stronger and stronger. That foundation will protect us as we walk around all those corners in life.
Medd... you are doing it, you are really and truly doing it. Lord, that is good to know, isn't it? Keep putting those bricks in place until your foundation becomes a fortress for you.
Thanks for your kind words. They go straight to my heart. I called a frined from NA the other day during the "hard times" and boy did that open the lines. She called me the next moring to see how I was doing and another guy (who must have spoken to her at a meeting) called me yesterday morning to see how I was doing. Great stuff. Kind of weird though to have a conversation about it on the phone with someone. I have lived in such a bubble for the last 5 years that talking to anyone external seems akward. At first I wanted to hang up the phone, but then, ONCE AGAIN, I realized that its another step, another Brick in the foundation. You really need to get verbally and mentally attached to as many meeting people as possible, so that you feel a connection and it makes saying "NO" easier each time. One thing I have learned is that YOU WILL NEVER SAY NO TO JUST YOU. you will not win that battle.
D
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"1 is too many and 1000 is not enough" -
