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Old 05-01-2008, 08:17 PM   #1
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I'm Alive !!

Jerry my friend, Thank you for checking up on me. You are such a good person. I'm sorry I haven't been able to post lately. I wasn't myself. I was feeling sorry for myself and no one likes that. Everyone on here is always so positive,I didn't feel right posting a bunch of self loathing crap. So I took a couple days to inspect if you will my thoughts,heart,soul. I came out ahead! I'm clean sober and have been since 4-17. The last 3 days were really rough and I'll admit I called to try and score,but when he said he was on his way with it I told him NO don't come I'm ok. I need nothing you have.~~spins~~
Ryans' dad couldn't even phase me today. He called and told me I was the reason his son used drugs. I promptly told him that was untrue and he needed to attend a support group of some type. I told him denial wasn't his friend and his son is an addict and needs to be treated as such. Meaning he needs to accept the blame for his actions. He called me every name in the book except my own ! And guess what I didn't run to Killer H for my support ! I looked up and spoke directly to my grandson (God rest his soul) And I just burst out laughing. It dawned on me maybe for the first time ever...I'm who I am because that's who I chose to be. Not because someone called me that name. You don't know but thats a milestone for me.~~grins~~ I'm sorry to hear you had a hard time saturday night. However I'm so glad to hear you're made of rubber and bounced right back. One of the things I've found is learning takes time. Some things are harder to learn than others. It's only when we refuse to learn that we become "ignorant" . We'll beat this one way or the other I know we all can. ~~hugs~~ I hate to sound cliche but man "What A Long Strange Trip It's Been" I hope everyone else is doing well ..I'm off to read some posts xoxox

peace love and skittles
Have a Grateful Day

 
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Old 05-02-2008, 03:58 AM   #2
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Re: I'm Alive !!

Hey man I luv cliches..*grin*
Dude,you rock!!!!! I am so relieved and happy and excited for you!
Was worried but soo glad I didnt need to be...did I say You rock! Woo-Hoo!!

Anyhow, dont make me worry anymore,ok? If you're up to it let me know how you're doin, and I'll do the same.

As far as my Saturday night goes, I think everything happens for a reason, and I think my reason was to tell me,What the hell are you doing??? I think it was just to show me how much I dont want and/or need the crap anymore. I'm good and my head is in the right place.

I'm so glad you took Ryans dad in stride. Dont let people bother you. Right now, after using for so long, like myself, you have to look out for # 1.
Thank God you cancelled the delivery. I am sooooo proud of you! That is so hard and you came thru like a champion. Did I tell you that YOU ROCK!!!!!

btw....we cant be sweet jane...*grin*

What in the world ever became of sweet jane?
She lost her sparkle, you know she isnt the same
Livin on reds, vitamin c, and cocaine,
All a friend can say is aint it a shame?

Theres my cliche`...*laughing*

Please keep posting. I need the inspiration daily for my own head. Good or bad,ok?

*great big gigantic warm hugs*

peace.
jerry.

 
Old 05-02-2008, 04:55 AM   #3
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Re: I'm Alive !!

Hello Cakes

Just wanted to say that I just read your post and there are some really great things in it. Of them all, this was my favorite:

One of the things I've found is learning takes time. .

To me, this is the ultimate truth in maintaining a clean life after withdrawal. We need to take a lot of time after getting off the drugs to learn how to live life in a consistently clean way. It does take time. It is why so many say that getting clean is the easier part, but staying clean is the harder part. Once we face our addiction head on, there is so much for us to learn about ourselves, about life, about real living. It is an ongoing process and it really does take time.

Thank you for those wise words. I hope we can all embed them in our heads as we strive to make more and more of our lives.

God Bless
reach

 
Old 05-02-2008, 05:13 AM   #4
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Re: I'm Alive !!

G'mornin',Reach. *smile*

hope you're having a good day. I am.

*Hugs*

jerry.

 
Old 05-02-2008, 05:15 AM   #5
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Re: I'm Alive !!

Heya Buddy

Yep, the morning is good, thank you. I have been up since 6 Am with a chatterbox grandson. Chuckles. He is playing cars with Grandpa right now while I have my morning coffee.

I need a nap!

reach

 
Old 05-02-2008, 08:29 AM   #6
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Re: I'm Alive !!

cakes,
I can understand how that felt forever most of my friends parents have accused me for their childs addictions and bad choices. For the longest time I blamed myself. Telling myself I was a bad influence and anyone who hung out with me did drugs because of me. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Whether those people were doing the dope with me or not they were choosing to do it. a good friend of mines mother did the same thing to me as your friends to you. Just the other day she called me to apologize for her accusations and then asked me as an addict for advice in regards to her daughter. I not saying they will be big enuf to apologize but in most cases that parent will one day realize their kid is an addict on their own. Kudos for the way you hanled the situation and yourself. Most parents blame someone else not so much because their kid made the choices themselves but because if their kids could make those choices they have failed as parents. You did reach a milestone and congrats to the max!

 
Old 05-03-2008, 02:28 AM   #7
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Re: I'm Alive !!

good good good.
__________________
yoss

"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."

 
Old 05-03-2008, 03:04 AM   #8
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Re: I'm Alive !!

Hello C,

It truly can be difficult for parents to accept that their son/daughter has chosen to use drugs and as a result ended up getting addicted.

There is a process that some go through, which also involves blaming themselves.

Anger is another one of the processes.

The list goes on and on.

Some parents will forever stay in denial, which is unfortunate.

The truth of the matter is that we are our actions and have to be held accountable for them.

There are certain exceptions but this does not apply here.

Good for you; the truth can be a freeing experience for the one who tells it.

Way to go.

Take care.

Phoenix

 
Old 05-06-2008, 08:57 AM   #9
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Re: I'm Alive !!

Good Morning one and all. I hope this reaches everyone in good health and spirits. Im happy to report that I'm clean and sober. I had to quit counting the days because it was taking a toll on my thought process. I don't know why but as I said day 3 clean etc.. it was dragging the days out.For some reason the last couple days have been a nightmare. I have been sweating like crazy while sleeping and the anixety is out of control. I will overcome this no matter the side effects. I'm a little bit more aware everyday the damage I've done to my mind, body,soul. I had the most disturbing conversation with my brother yesterday. He is a addict himself.(in denial) Anyway he asked me why I chose to be a junky. I was floored ! I couldn't even respond which made him think I was back to using. He said he knew I wouldn't clean up and that I'm gonna be found with a needle in my arm dead on the bathroom floor. Again I couldn't respond. I had so much to say to him but thought the better of it. I don't need his 2 cents...especially when he's so drunk he can't pronounce "methadone". I feel like it should be getting easier to stay sober but every couple days I get this craving that I can't shake. I in turn get really grumpy and hateful. I begin to make excuses as to why life was better while using. It's pretty pathetic. I started to write down the pro's and con's of using VS. not using of course not using has won out every time. I guess I'm just afraid to fall back,I feel like some people are trying to "get" me to use. Misery loves company type of deal. I'm sorry for rambling..I just need to vent. Jerry..buddy I have been reading your posts and in one you said you failed because you looked at the pills. Don't you see you were face to face with pure evil and walked away unscathed?! We're addicts Jerry that will never change,what has and will continue to change is the way we deal with our addictions. You are my hero and an inspiration to many. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Peace Love and Skittles
Have a Grateful Day

 
Old 05-06-2008, 09:14 AM   #10
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Re: I'm Alive !!

CAKES!!!!
I'm soooo glad to hear from you and to hear that you are CLEAN!!!! Keep in mind,not that I doubt, but,well,you know...I am so glad and soooo psyched! *smile*
Your being clean is also an inspiration to me, so you're my hero,too...

You are doing this in the face of awful adversity and you are doing it, doing it,doing it!

I'm not the right guy to say this,but deep down I know it will get easier...for both of us. We just need to HANG IN THERE.

<removed>

Please hang in there,hon. Together we can kick this things ***!!!!

* great big giant tie-dyed hugs*

*smile*
jerry.

Last edited by mod-anon; 05-07-2008 at 12:56 AM. Reason: watch your language on the Boards.

 
Old 05-06-2008, 09:21 AM   #11
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cakesluvscheeks HB User
Re: I'm Alive !!

Jerry ***hugs*** I was just thinking... ~~Well the first days are the hardest days, don't you worry anymore, Cause when life looks like easy street there's danger at your door~~ *winks* Just a reminder that nothing's easy but everything is possible !!


peace love and skittles
have a grateful day

 
Old 05-06-2008, 09:41 AM   #12
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Re: I'm Alive !!

You know all the rules by now and the fire from the ice.

Think this through with me, let me know your mind.
Woh - oh, what I want to know, is are you kind?

How does that song go?

NO TIME TO HATE.

*smile*

thank you.
jerry.

Last edited by jerry111165a; 05-06-2008 at 09:42 AM.

 
Old 05-07-2008, 02:04 AM   #13
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Re: I'm Alive !!

Sorry.
I'll keep an eye on it.

jerry.

 
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