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Old 05-02-2008, 07:45 AM   #1
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Should I tell her I know her secret?

I just thought I would try to get everyone's input on this question. If I know that a friend of mine is on oxys, should I tell her I know in hopes she would confide the truth to me (a beginning), or should I just continue to say I would be there for her?

I would appreciate your input.

Friend999

 
Old 05-02-2008, 08:07 AM   #2
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Re: Should I tell her I know her secret?

Friend,

In my experience as an addict and with a wide range of addicts I have a few questions to ask yourself. How close are you? Does she confide in you in regards to other things? how does she react to being confronted? etc. If she is your good friend and anything like i was i was dying inside dealing with my addiction. Chances are very high she wants to tell you so bad but is afraid of being judged, look at or treated differently. I don't think telling her you know her "secret" is the best way 2 deal with it. Talk to her about your research in concern for her. Let her know no matter what she does she still is your friend and that you can help threw her addiction etc. I know i didn't want to tell some of my friends because i was afraid they would try to talking me into quiting when i simply wasn't ready. I was addicted to oxy for almost a year and it controlled my life it ruined me financially. The only thing i could do was try the methadone program cause nothing else worked. I think you should talk to her but just don't come on to strong. push

 
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Old 05-02-2008, 08:32 AM   #3
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Re: Should I tell her I know her secret?

To Push2 tha limit,

Thank you for sharing that. We were closer before she knew I found out, indirectly because she was fired for coming in "messed up" and her co-workers told me. She knows I suspect, but after I offered help, specifically in regard to oxys, she denied it and has pushed me away. I am now on the "I'll be there for you" bit.

Waiting is so hard. A lot can happen.
Friend999

 
Old 05-02-2008, 08:42 AM   #4
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Re: Should I tell her I know her secret?

It depends on why you want to tell her. Since they are hard to withdraw from are you prepared to just be there whether she goes off them or not? Just telling her isn't going to stop her she may just make sure she hides it better from you. It is hard to know what she will do so are you prepared to just accept whatever she decides without nagging....or are you doing a tough love thing and tell her you know and until she is clean and sober you can't be around her?...some things to think about. Good luck.

 
Old 05-02-2008, 09:31 AM   #5
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Re: Should I tell her I know her secret?

To AnnD,

Thank you so much for your reply.

I am prepared for the long haul, whether she is ready or not! Also, if I have learned anything on these boards, and I have learned a lot, I know that "nagging" does not work.

I asked my original question because I sure would like to speed things up.

Friend999

 
Old 05-02-2008, 03:54 PM   #6
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Re: Should I tell her I know her secret?

Hi~Is this the same person youve been writing about getting help for? Youll have to excuse me, Im not on this board much, so maybe Im missing something.
If you arent really close and good friends, I would think she may be angry if you approached her about it. But if you are really close, go on outings, lunch, hang out at each others' homes, ect...then maybe it wouldnt be so risky. I dont know what your relationship is with her.
Good Luck~
xoxoxo,
IZZY'SMOM

 
Old 05-03-2008, 05:01 PM   #7
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push2 tha limit HB User
Re: Should I tell her I know her secret?

friend,
When it comes to oxy it's hard tell. Has she tried to quit them before do you know? do you notice if she is upset about the addiction and the consequences of her actions? how the drug has effected her? She may not want to quit using them. For some time I didn't want to. Not until it started to notice the negative effects it was having on my life. and the holes it burned in my pockets. There is no speeding up the process in my opinion. not by you anyway it's entirely up to her to take action. The best thing you can do is just keep being there for her.

goodluck

 
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