It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-04-2008, 04:37 PM   #1
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: NY
Posts: 837
FullCircle08 HB User
Hi everyone.

Sorry I have been missing, but life calls. I have lurked each day and read so true inspirations and some heartaches also. To those who are suffering, please read and read again. You can so this. I am almost 2 months clean. The longest I have been in a LONG time and boy do things get clear. Relapse is an easy thing to do, I found that out 6 times. Staying clean is the hard thing, but with the knowledge you gain on here and through NA you can kick this nasty habit. I have been tested a WHOLE bunch lately and the OLD me would have figured out a way to ORDER again, but for a BUNCH of reasons I dont. I really have to thank NA. I have used the phone list recently and it works "only if you use it". I have not started any step work or anything. i go to 1-2 meetings a week and have joined the LOCAL group. Things are really good there. I love to go and I am very proud that I am clean when I go. I am starting to help people and when you do that, you really want to stay clean. The more responsible and tangable you become to your disease, the better chance you have to stay clean. At 2 months, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a pill right now. Sunday night, pop a few, drink a few. What would it get me. Days and days of regret and guilt. That is strong with me. I have been around the stuff and even found the stuff lately and I have won. The cravings are getting less and less. The body is starting to feel good, really good.

So----things are good here. If you are using, are they good there? If you really are at your end with this nasty disease just remember, you can do it. I am pure example of that. get clean--the summer is coming!


D
__________________
"1 is too many and 1000 is not enough" -

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-04-2008, 06:28 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 719
TomsWife HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

Hi Meddguy,
My name is Marilyn and today is day 53 for me. I dont think I have ever been completley sober for this amount of time in over 30 years. I attend AA, have a sponsor and a home group. I work full time and go to at least one meeting a day.

Congratulations on your recovery. Life is good sober isnt it? I had/have some issues with Post Accute Withdrawl Syndrome. It was really bad for the first couple of weeks, subsided a bit for a while, now its back. I understand that this is totally "normal" in the recovery healing process. My brain and body is rewiring itself. I am totally ok with it.
How are you feeling physically? Just wondering since we have just about the same amount of time, give or take.
Looking forward to chatting with you some more!

Marilyn
__________________
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic

Last edited by mod-anon; 05-04-2008 at 10:34 PM. Reason: removed quote

 
Old 05-04-2008, 06:48 PM   #3
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Backwoods Maine. USA
Posts: 375
jerry111165a HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

Medguy, Marilyn,thanks for being here. I need it like you dont even know.

Both of you,congrats on the time clean.

jerry.

 
Old 05-05-2008, 02:00 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,387
reachout HB Userreachout HB Userreachout HB Userreachout HB Userreachout HB Userreachout HB Userreachout HB Userreachout HB Userreachout HB Userreachout HB Userreachout HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

Hello Meddguy

While I miss seeing posts from you, it is wonderful that life is full again for you. That is a natural progression and and how it should be ( unless you end up permanently retired like me!). Addiction will always be a part of who we are, but it does not have to be the only part anymore! We stay bust working it all out, but also stay busy with the things of life... working, spending good time with the family, helping others in the world where we can.

I really like what you wrote:

The more responsible and tangable you become to your disease, the better chance you have to stay clean.

Good words. We have to stay responsible in our thinking and in our actions always concerning addiction. Forever more. It becomes less and less of a burden and more and more just a natural part of us as we continue to practice responsibility.

My dear friend, I think this time you have found the missing piece and taken it into your heart and being. I am so proud of you and happy for you. You have had a couple of huge battles in life, haven't you? And you have fought each one well. While the illness and then addiction have not been plesant, perhaps, there is no doubt that you can look at yourself in the mirror and know a good man is looking back at you. A man who surely has always cared about life enough to fight for it, but who is now extending himself to others in need. A man who has always loved his family, but now is more catively there for them. We are all works in progress, Medd, and from where I stand, your progress is quite something!

I hope to see you pop in from time to time and remind all who struggle that the hope remains for each of us to find the place where you are.

Be well, stay strong
Love
reach

 
Old 05-05-2008, 02:26 PM   #5
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: united states
Posts: 185
Winnie31 HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

Crongrats Medguy!!

I remenber the struggle you went through because I was here with you at the time. The craving's for me are the worst but I try to find something to do and with summer coming I think that will get a little easier. Yes I to still think about the pills and I probabley will twenty years down the road who knows. I'm still hanging in there to so keep it up!!

Winnie

 
Old 05-06-2008, 06:10 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: NY
Posts: 837
FullCircle08 HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

Hi everyone --I am not leaving and definitely NOT forgeting. That is what brings you back and causes relapse. I have really been dedicated to NA lately. I have met some friends and used the phone list. It has been pretty amazing thing to get your life back. Living in an haze all the time is so surreal. You cant fathom the reality of it till you GET OUT. It feels so right to be high WHEN you are high. Opiates dont let you get away from that feeling, they suck you in and convince you that you HAVE to have more and more to feel better. Whether you live in a mansion or on the street the drug will treat you the same. The downward spiral is the only way to describe what happens to us all. Over and over. It not till just recently after 6 relapses have I realized that you REALLY have to work at this to get better. NA, reading, outpatient, inpatient, love, and diligence are all options. Which one have you missed or not used? The puzzle is not definite. You must try it all to figure it out. The only sure thing is that you stay clean. thats it.

D
__________________
"1 is too many and 1000 is not enough" -

 
Old 05-06-2008, 11:58 PM   #7
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Backwoods Maine. USA
Posts: 375
jerry111165a HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

Glad to hear your positive attitude.Sounds like you're really working hard at this.

peace.
jerry.

 
Old 05-07-2008, 09:25 AM   #8
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 406
mk7657 HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

You rock D (the good rock) and are very popular on this board...

What do you think your turning point was? It wasn't "rock-bottom," was it?

I hit "rock-bottom," but that didn't totally stop me. Like you, I had several relapses. I was listenining to my addiction demon tell me, "you can control this: blah, blah, blah." It wasn't until it finally stuck in my stubborn head after -another- agonizing relapse what good sense has been trying to tell me all through this journey: "you cannot control this addiction; this *(&^*& demon is lying to you. It is total sobriety or nothing for you."--sigh.

I guess that I am an "all-or-nothing," type of guy. I was doing a difficult job for a customer, and he asked me, "do you ever take a lunch?" I thoughtfully told him that I will obsess over this job until it is done. He said that he is the same way-- My first thought was, "I hope he never starts using!"

Power on, D. You have made a difference in a lot of people's lives...

Life is good without DOC's.

mike

 
Old 05-07-2008, 04:01 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: NY
Posts: 837
FullCircle08 HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mk7657 View Post

What do you think your turning point was? It wasn't "rock-bottom," was it?

mike
I am thankful each day that I did not hit rock bottom. I was getting the pills off the net and was just sick of the hassle and the CRAZY $$$$ I was paying. At the end I was paying like 90$ a pill for oxy. Just nuts or as the 2nd step says--INSANE. I think the turing point for me was NA. Before I was only help accountable by people who DIDNT know the true me, non-addicts. Once i stepped into NA, I was surrounded by folks from all walks of life and backgrounds that had the same problem. Addicition. I could not BS them and if you give it time, you will start to become ONE of them. I got past all the spiritual stuff that I was adverse to and got on with the healing part. I made friends and found out that they truely wanted me to get better. I do not and will not let them down at this point. I would have never made it through a few of the TESTS I have had lately without my phone list. Each day I am thankful that I did not ruin the awesome life I have with my wife and kids and my job. I came real close though. Enough was enough.

D
__________________
"1 is too many and 1000 is not enough" -

 
Old 05-07-2008, 08:24 PM   #10
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 406
mk7657 HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

When I tried to buy oxy on the net, I mostly got crap or ripped-off. I could just see that guy over in Somalia, laughing on his way to the Western Union, thinking how stupid us Americans are. Every once in a while, I would make a purchase and get some of the real deal. It was usually followed by a larger puchase and another rip-off.

I have been burned too many times buying drugs from people or on the net. It was, obviously, insanity and stupidity that drove me to keep dropping $$$ to these sleezy creeps. Imagine what we could do with the $$$ that we lost because of addiction.

mike

 
Old 05-08-2008, 05:00 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: NY
Posts: 837
FullCircle08 HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

I wish I got ripped off, that might have swayed me away right off the bat. It feels so good to not worry about the next refill or whether or not the package was going to make it. I guestimated that those scumbags are making around 40,000 a week selling on the net. THEY HAVE to shut down and stopped. They have made it really hard to get hydro through the online pharmacies without a valid illness or injury. That is great. That is the real reason it is on there. But the IOP and the sketchy "other" ones that sell schedule 2 etc are basically drug dealers with a computer. Very dangerous to order from them, cause I feel you will get busted sooner or later. my .02

D
__________________
"1 is too many and 1000 is not enough" -

 
Old 05-08-2008, 11:01 AM   #12
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Backwoods Maine. USA
Posts: 375
jerry111165a HB User
Re: Hi everyone.

Med, I hear ya.
I was actually paying about the same amount give or take(depending on whichever dealers mood I went to) on the street.

You start adding it up on an everyday basis and when you look back the money we were spending is absolutely staggering. Five,7,8 hundred dollars a week???? I wonder sometimes where the heck I got that $$$...but I sure the heck DID make sure I had my dope...looking back I guarantee the family suffered because of it.

Its nice,now. If i feel like it I occassionally go and get myself a nice 20.00 lunch, or buy a cd...or whatever,now...I can simply afford it now whereas before every last dime was being spent on oxy's or whatever i could get my hands on.

btw, I feel the same way regarding ruining it w/ the wife and kids.Thank God.
If I had kept going it sure as heck would've been inevitable at some point.

Have a great day.

jerry.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Tips and Advice to everyone who has abused laxatives, please read! isolde Abuse Support 2 03-26-2010 06:39 AM
Prayers for Everyone Chance333 Cancer: Lung 4 09-07-2007 12:25 PM
Hello to everyone --- I'm sorry it's been so long! Banker Addiction & Recovery 10 02-28-2005 06:37 AM
A Little Confidence For Everyone Out There Jesussavesme HIV Prevention 1 01-06-2005 12:02 PM
Everyone thinks I'm a paranoid kill-joy Wind_Dancer Anxiety 1 09-20-2004 04:14 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added




Top 10 Drugs Discussed on this Board.
(Go to DrugTalk.com for complete list)
Hydrocodone
Lortab
Methadone
Oxycontin
Percocet
  Tylenol
Ultram Valium
Vicodin
Xanax




TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (148), katlin09 (109), reachout (97), second go (36), Wendy88 (36), oxygirl (34), corissa3 (32), Tysmom1 (24), icehouse3z (24), bolter (21)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (857), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (773), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:00 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!