This is the first time I've ever acknowledged that I could have a problem. I'm middle-aged, single female. I have a great job that I love (22 yrs), own my condo, have a wonderful family and a wide variety of friends and a couple of soul mates. I've not dated since 1994, by choice. I sleep with my cat every night and that brings me comfort.
Now, the real reason I'm posting is that maybe there is someone out there like me. I don't drink during the day at all. I have no desire to drink in the morning, during lunch or even stop by after work for a drink. However, when I get home from work and get settled down for the evening, I crave alcohol. I drink every night, usually 4 drinks containing at least 3 oz each. I drink before I eat dinner. There have been times that I think I've blacked out but not sure. I put dinner in the over to cook and wake up on the couch a couple of hours later with a burnt chicken in the oven.
The only exception is if I eat as soon as I go home. I can't drink on an full stomach so I avoid that by power drinking before I eat.
I know it's taken a toll. I have lung cancer in spite of being a non-smoker (diag. Aug/06), type II diabetes (diag. Oct/07), high blood pressure and my last blood test revealed that my liver enzymes are slightly elevated. I have severe neuropathy in my feet...I suspect from the alcohol consumption as the evening drinking has been going on for a couple of decades.
Am I an alcoholic??? As I sit here at work I don't crave it, yet the thought of never having another drink sends my off the deep end. I'm scared. I'm lying to my friends, family, and doctors saying that I only have 1 or 2 drinks a week.
So I ask myself why do I drink and here is the only answer I can come up with. I hate myself...everything about me. I have so many hurts inside and I'm trying to make it all go away. I had a wonderful childhood and have not been a victim of abuse - any kind of abuse.
I don't expect many replies as I'm a newbie and have not contributed much to this board but I work long hours and have no time during working hours to "surf", except for now, just before I go home. Thanks for listening.
Last edited by slickvic50; 05-05-2008 at 07:21 PM.
I think you know the answer to your question. While my DOC was not booze,
addiction is addiction, regardless of what little demon is calling your name on a daily basis.
I'm sorry for your health problems and can understand your seeking relief. If you have any doubt about whether or not you are an alcoholic, don't drink when you get home tomorrow....see how it goes.
I have never been to counseling or therapy, but I would bet it could be a great benefit to you. You sound very depressed, maybe you need an anti-depressant.
May help, may not. Stop beating yourself up and get some professional help, maybe start with your GP and take if from there.