Hi everyone...I'm not feeling so good and need a place.
I have been off norco for a MONTH and I still am having diarrhea. The anxiety/depression - I don't think it is/was from withdrawal (maybe some of course) but I think I have masked my professional unhappiness with the norco.
I have been at my job for 6 months. It is so hard to go. Now that I'm clean I am having panic attacks. I'm a very black/white, things fit in my puzzle cleanly kind of person and this job, while full of inane regulations and processes, has so many nuances that I can't make anything "fit". The sad part is...I am good with the public, and good with co-workers. A newer employee actually told me she thought I was a supervisor when she first met me because I told her all those little dumb things that Lifers forget...you know...how to get your key card...how to do your time sheet...blah blah blah.
I LOVE people. I love explaining complicated things and I love paperwork and forms and all that crap. But my job is ..again...so GREY...where it should be black and white and this morning I thought my heart was going to race itself to an ER.
I'm only on Wellbuterin...no more Ativan and I can't say the Ativan helped. I need to see a doc, I know, but I have no time off accrued since my gallbladder-ectomy.
Today I told my mentor (who does know about my last month and isn't mgmt and is going through leukemia and no one knows but me) that I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS JOB SAM-I-AM. And she said, "You know, it ain't for everyone."
She advised to come home and tell Wife, who has been really worried about me, that I want to resign. You all know how I talk about Wife, who said exactly what I knew she would, "RESIGN". And "we'll figure out the money, we always do." (which..we always do although it seems we never have any).
So I have decided to get rid of the other toxin in my life....my job...and find something else. I saw a posting for a someone to help Vets and well, that's for me, paycut and all. I hope I get that job.
As soon as I told Mentor that I wanted OUT ...all the panic and depression STOPPED. The diarrhea, however...worsened. I went to the store and bought stuff you'd buy for the flu...and I'm hoping it'll all kick in soon.
My point...30 minutes later, haha...is I haven't reached for an opiate or wanted one even though I know I'd "feel better". The stoppage alone would be nice but I know it's not healthy for me.
I hope this anxious fog lifts and I figure out next steps professionally...and my body continues to re-wire itself.
I blame this post on whoever posted "Post...don't Pop". Thank you.
I'm sorry you feel so bad but glad you came here. I KNOW my abuse of opiates
helped me deal with my job. Since I've been off them I loathe my job.
You only have 6 months in - no major investment. Trust me, you don't want to get stuck someplace you have to dread every day. I've been with the same company 17 yrs to this day and same business for almost 30 yrs. I carry the health ins for Husband and myself (we both have "pre-existing conditions), get
4 weeks vacation and now own an tiny bit of stock in the co. I can't leave this job and it breaks my heart to think I have to do this another 25 yrs. All the co offers for retirement is a 401k that they don't contribute a dime to.
RESIGN! *** REJOICE!*** And you will be fine like Wife said-and find a job out there that was made just for Droopy
I was glad to hear from you and hope you feel better soon.
How much of your "mental anquish" in relation to your job is associated with mental withdrawals is hard to determine. The mental part of withdrawals most often do last longer than the month you have been clean, a lot longer. I'm only guessing, but I would suspect it is both, that and a true dis-satifaction with your job.
You have moved on. You have been clean for a month. You do not have cravings. You are succeeding.
I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your mental withdrawals (anxiety, etc.) You are clean, but the fight continues. I know that you will find peace within yourself.
Droopy, I am a month clean as well, as you know. I also could not stand my job. I as working and my husband was staying home with our Daughter. I told him I just could not do it anymore and stay clean so he told me to quit. I did exactly that and like you said, a huge weight was lifted off me. A lot of my anxiety went away and I knew I had to leave that place in order for me to be clean. My husband is now working and I am home with our Daughter, which sometimes is harder than work, but I love being here and it helps with my sobriety and from the sounds of it, it will help with yours. Take the Wife's advice and resign. Keep your head up and I will be thinking about you and praying you get the job you want. Lindsay