Please let me start this by asking for latitude for the length this message will be. I believe if we all share our stories (past as well as current) and it helps at least one person, we have accomplished our purpose in living a better life. This is my story of past and current addiction to Hydrocodone.
I have been through 21 surgeries from Chondroblastoma of the Femur (7 surgeries) to Spinal Fusion (4 Surgeries) to Abdominal issues (3 surgeries) and on and on and on. My after care was large amounts of pain meds, all of which the Dr's would prescribe until the due process of recovery/rehab had taken it's course.
It seems that the more pain meds I was given, the higher my tolerance for the pain meds would be (meaning, it would take less and less time for me to reach the point to where I thought "this one isn't working like last time....I need more or at least a stronger dose" but the strong desire increased with every pill I took.
My addiction came to a head in 1991. I had my last back surgery in November of 1989. The Dr prescribed 60 tabs of 10/500 Hydrocodone to be taken 2 tabs every 4 hrs. I followed this process for the next 5 months until the Dr finally started to try and wean me off. This took about 2 weeks and I realized this isn't going to work with what my mind is telling me and I better start looking elsewhere to subsidize the need.
I easily found additional sources for scripts through additional Drs with the infamous "fictitious" pain. Over the next 6 months, my intake had reached 4 tabs every 2 hours (yeah, I know it's really hard to believe someone could take 20+ pills a day for this length of time. My peak actually ended up being 30 a day).
As my addiction became harder to manage (keeping up with when I need to see a different Dr) the supply started to diminish. I had noticed that I could go back to a Dr that had weaned me off earlier (or at least in their mind it seemed so because I quit seeing them) and would have a new pain that was bad enough to require strong meds.
In February of 91 I realized that I could write my own scripts as long as I had certain info (DO NOT TRY THIS......YOU WILL GO TO JAIL). I began making my own scripts and also began to pray for God to intervene because I knew what I was doing had no good ending. I couldn't stop because I was getting whatever I needed.
I did this for a few months even encountering a few pharmacies recognizing the bogus scrip and ultimately denying it.
On July 10, 1991, I had written a scrip for 100 tabs. I turned it in to a certain pharmacy and called them a few hours later to see if it was ready. He told me he only had 10 tabs but could fill the remaining the next day. I went and picked them up (they were gone in 4 hours....so back to the withdrawals)
The next day I called the pharmacy back and asked if they were ready...he said yes. I drove to the pharmacy almost feeling like I was a kid with a thousand dollars about to be at a toy store to spend it all.
When i got there, I walked in the front door and there were 2 Policemen. Scared to death; I walked by them and went to the pharmacist and he said "man, I'm just doing my job....this scrip is fake....those two policemen are here to take you to jail if you don't go get help. (Why i wasn't arrested right then and there; in my strong opinion....is because God finally got my attention and led me out of there. God had been trying all along to get me to wake up, it just took me this long to actually realize he was always there trying to help; I just wasn't listening.
I turned and walked between the two policemen and went and called the Dr that I had betrayed telling him what I had done. They also told me to get help or I was going to Jail. I went and told my wife what I had done over the last 18 months and that i was going to get help.
I checked myself into a Rehab for a week and when released; realized I still had issues so went to a mental hospital for another week. Opiates have a very strong and lasting residual affect on not only our physical but mental as well. I believe after 2 weeks in the hospital, I realized how evil and addicting this medicine is.
I know that there are people that can truly control what they take, and to them, I commend. I'm talking to the ones like me that can't.
After I got out, I made an appointment to go see the Dr I had betrayed to make amends. He told me he was proud of me but that he was required by law to file a report and that I should hear from the law authorities soon.
Over the next few years....nothing had happened. I even got stopped and received a warning ticket. The policeman asked me what I had a warrant for to which I said "I have no idea" he let me go.... (Another time God stepped in).
In June of 05, our family was called by hospice to spend time with my Dad who had been ill for a few years. My Dad and I were best friends. On June 29, 2005 I was driving to Amarillo, TX and got stopped for no seat belt. i was taken to a small county jail. The next morning before I could place my phone call, I saw the JP and was informed I had 2 warrants for Prescription Forgeries back in 91.
I called my wife and learned my Father had passed that night.....I know God put me in that situation because he realized I couldn't have bared being with my Dad when he went home.
3 weeks ago, I blew out my right knee and was prescribed.....yep Hydrocodone. I took it as prescribed until a week ago and started to think "I know how to get more" and stopped. I have experienced the same withdrawals I did 17 years ago but this time with a different mindset.
I am going to have surgery in 1 week and will tell the Dr the same story I have told you.
My prayer for you is that if you are in the middle of addiction, and you think you will never be the same or may even not make it. PLEASE believe me....you will. Whether you are religious or not, there is a higher being that wants better for you and will always have your back. It is up to you to utilize the options out there for assistance is getting better. They will help you be your same old smiling self again.
I truly do apologize for the length of this but wanted to send it in hopes that it helps.
love you guys,
Last edited by mod-anon; 05-14-2008 at 09:53 PM.
Reason: starting a new thread with this post.