My daughter is 31 years old and has two adorable boys 10 and 6. I've known for the last couple years that she has been suffering from depression. She did go to a doctor who said she thought she was ADD and was given ritalin and told to take 5 pills a day, which when she takes it all it does it hype her up.
I now feel that she may being using meth even though she completely denies any use and is very defensive upon trying to talk to her. I am so afraid for her and her two chldren.
The last two months she has had two episdoes and thinking that bugs or some kind of parasite was coming out of her skin and that everyone is talking about her. The first episdoe, I knew there was no bugs but took her to the ER to reassure her, I even spoke to the doctor behind her back, thinking that she was just having a nervous breakdown. The ER did nothing so I took her for an emergency mental health visit at which point she was giving Xyprexa to calm herself down and told to continue taking her ritalin, even though I told her doctor what I was seeing.
Her second episode this last weekend was a wake-up call for me, she called me and told me that her and the children were infested with some type of parasite or bug that was coming out of their skin. She was digging in her childrens ears to try to get them out along with scraping her childrens feet because she felt they were coming out of her feet. She believed this so much that we had to take her and her children to the ER and of course the doctors saw nothing again, I would have thought that she would have been given a tox screen.
I talked her into letting her children stay with their other grandmother even though I didn't think of meth at this point, I thought she may be hallucinating because of taking too much ritalin, I felt that the kids should not be with her because of her state of mind.
I took her home and her brother in law was there to keep an eye on her. At 4:30 in the morning she drove herself to another hospital. She called me afterwards stating that people were outside the hospital watching her and that the DEA was also watching her and she didn't know why because she hasn't done anything. when I got there she told me not to talk loud because they were listening. She also told me that she knew that I was at the hospital when she was there talking to doctors behind her back, the paranoia was severe in my opinion.
I also noticed that she had 6 open sores on her face, which she kept pointing out that the sores had just popped up on her face and that she had not touched them.
Her other symptoms she was describing were as follows:
Blurred vision out of one of her eyes stating that her eyes were very dry.
Sores in the corner of her mouth
feeling of not being able to breathe
She said her breath was really bad no matter how much she brushed.
She had been looking for hours through medical books to find causes of her symptoms.
numbness in her feet and hands.
nausea, vomiting and dairrhea
My daughter has lost a lot of weight the last couple months, and she has actually always had a problem losing weight. The couple days leading up to her hallucinations, she was so focused and obsessed on certain subjects such as antiques, geneology, etc., she was saying things to me that just didn't make sense.
After her second visit to the ER she fell asleep and slept for 25 hours.
I feel bad that I didn't pick up on this earlier and I'm not sure I'm 100% correct. My daughter has not history of drug or alcohol abuse. I am realistic enough after doing research that she is a good possibility that she is using meth or something equivalant. I recently found out that her brother in law, who pops in and out all the time is using meth, his girlfriend actually just got out of jail because of meth. My daughter denied that he would ever do any type of drug, but he did admit yesterday that he was using meth.
I'm sorry to be so long winded; I've never been in a situation like this. My daughter is denying any type of illegal drug abuse and told her husband that she would take a drug test, which she hasn't. Her husband is only home on the weekends, he has not seen what others have been seeing these last few weeks. Her husband is a severe alcoholic and mentally and verbally abusive to her and the children. I have tried on many occassions to get her to leave, but she continually makes excuses for him. I have witnessed on many occassions him being falling down slopply and foul mouthed drunk.
I would appreciate any suggestions on how to get her help when she being so defensive when I approach her about the subject and denying to the end that she is using. Is there a drug kit that can be purchased so that she can be tested without her being aware that I'm doing this?
I am so desperate and grasping at straws to find help or advice on how to help her. She has seen 4 different doctors during her paranoia and hallucinating episodes and none of them have picked up on it.
I am afraid for the children, I was also told that she is sleeping (I assume this is from crashing from lack of sleep) and the kids are coming home from school and having to take care of themselves because she doesn't wake up, she goes into such a deep sleep.
I do have an aunt who is schizophrenic, that is one possibility that I have considered....I just don't know.
Again, I'm sorry to be so long winded...I would appreciate any advice to stear my in the right direction before something happens to her or her children.
Thank you in advance for any advice.
Posted on 05/19/08, 11:05 pm
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Oh gods does that bring back some nasty memories. I used to be into meth, and I had several experiences with the bugs and other things that I thought were under my skin.
But before you jump to any conclusions, you need to know that Ritalin can cause all of the same problems. Speed by any other name... If it winds her up, she should not be on it; people who really are ADD are usually calmed down by it. That is the point and the justification for using it. It may be that if she can get off of the Ritalin, she will be fine. That at least is the first place I'd start. If she is unable to recognize that it is harming her and her children, you and anyone else who cares about her need to sit her down and confront her with the facts. Not assumptions, not accusations, just the facts.
Thanks for the above responses; I have called drug hotlines and talked to a couple intervention people and was told that in their opinion she is definately drug related. I have called Project Horizon a group for domestic violence. I think that I may mentioned above that her husband is a severe alcoholic who works out of town all week and when he's home all he does is drink; the children are seeing this, he condems and puts her down constantly, she can never do enough to please him and he expects that she should be superwoman and try to raise the two children by herself since he brings home the pay check. I do know that even during the week while working that he is drunk a couple hours after getting off work, he calls her and fusses and curses her and tells her that she is useless and that he wished that had never married her.
The last couple years I have begged her to seek help for depression, she can sleep 16 hours a day and still feel horrible, she says that's she doesn't feel depressed, but from what I understand someone sleeping that much is a good indicator of depression. The last 4-6 months she has had periods of being so energetic and talking excessively...some of the things she says makes no senses at all. As far a making it sound worse than it is, I can assure you if anything I have made it sound better than it actually is. I live 30 minutes away from my daughter and work full-time and am trying to care for my mother with a terminal brain tumor. I've always heard it said for every rat you see there are 50 that you don't.
I know that from what I have see being up and exciteable for several days then crashing for a couple days something serious is going on, and I realize it could be the ritalin, I'm not ruling that out but I am also being realistic it could be some form of illegal substance. She is constantly pushed from her husband to do everything. He is home approximately 24 hours a week in which he's ususally drunk and he brings all his dirty clothes and dishes from the work week and she has to take care to make sure they are done before he returns to work.
I am trying my best to get her help, but she is still in denial that she is abusing any drugs, I do know that the last couple years she occassionally self medicates on narcotic pain pills or tussinix when she get get them from the doctor, I feel that there are times that she has went in and made it sound worse than what it is in order for her to get pain medication. I know that she does not have access to pain pills daily but when she does get them she will finish the bottle.
I don't know how to help her at this point without her admitting she has a problem, her husband has basically told us to stay out of their business, but she is my daughter and has my grandchildren and I can't just pretend their is nothing going on or that this will get fixed on it's own. She may not be able to stop on her own if she is using perscription or illegal drugs.
I've never dealt with this, but I am making phone calls and trying to find out ways that I can help her. Right now I am just trying to support her and praying that she will open up to me, I'm afraid that if I push her to hard she will not trust me or open up to me. I am just trying to build up her trust in me and assure her that I will help her through this without telling any family members what is going on unless I thought her children were in danger from her than I have to do what needs to be done to protect them.
I appreciate everyone's advice it is more helpful that I can tell you; I thank you for tcaring enough to take your time to respond and everybit of information I get will be able to help and know what to watch for.
Thank you so much, I will keep checking back to see if anyone has additional information that may be helpful also.
Again, thank you and God bless you for responding to my post
I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I don't know how you are keeping your sanity right now. It's horrible to be dealing with a dying parent. You feel so helpless. I went through that with my father and I know how heart breaking that is.
As for your daughter, has she had a psych evaluation? A lot of what you described in this post sounds like she may be bi-polar - high highs and low lows. Your first post sounded to me like she might be schizophrenic. Maybe she is telling the truth about not using meth. I'm certainly no doctor, but I think she needs to be admitted to a psych ward for evaluation. She is in a bad situation with her husband, which only makes her mind worse and I fear for the children if she is hallucinating. Is there anyone that can take the kids while their jerk of a father is out of town and you could get her to the ER for starters? They could admit her from there. If this is all psych related, the right meds could make a world of difference for her. If she can get straighted out mentally, she may be strong enough to leave that SOB that is tormenting her.
Maybe she could get SS Disability if it's determined she is mentally ill. I'm sure she'd worry the husband would try and take the kids, but if he did, it would be short lived. He sounds like he's too into himself and his drinking to care for the children.
I will you keep you, your Mom and daughter in my thoughts and prayers,
I know I'm new here, but I stumbled across your post and I just have to say something. If your grandchildren are haveing to fend for themselves when they get home from school, the are in danger. You have to get ahold of her as soon as possible. Don't 'spare the rod' just because she's your daughter. She has a problem! She needs help! I'm addicted to pain meds as well. I've never done meth, but I know several who have and your story totally rings a bell. I'm not educated on the adverse effects of Ritalin, but I'm guessing you are right. What does the other grandmother think? Have you spoken to her about this? If you feel you can trust her not to fly off the handle with such accusations, I would confide in her and devise a plan quickly to get your daughter help. You don't want her to lose those kids and that's exactly what will happen since her husband has a substance abuse problem, agression issues, and works out of town. Child protective services will yank those kids out quicker than you can blink an eye if the authorities catch wind of her behavior. I'm sorry, I don't want to make you feel worse, but this is the reality of things. It happened to a friend of mine. She was just like your daughter and she lost her baby for a solid year. I know you don't want that. Whether it's meth or Ritalin, she has to come off of it. She obviously doesn't need either in her life. As far as building up trust with her, I don't really think you have much time for that. She will forgive you when she's sober....trust me....been there, done that...she will thank you later. If her mind is altered in any way right now, you won't be able to talk any sense into her. Get your family together, set up an intervention, plan on what to do with the kids while she's in treatment, and run with it! The worst she can do is get mad and walk out and your no worse off than you are now. God, I'll be thinking of you. I wish you luck!
my first thought was also bi-polar....sounds very much like it. but agree, you need to get her to a doctor for an eval. Give her a drug test...buy them at Walgreens or just about any drug store....the good ones that tes tof everything are around $42...but worth it!! If there's nothing in her system but the ritalin, then she needs to get to a psycholgist.........now!!
I have to agree with what everyone is telling you. Your daughter may indeed be bi-polar, and there is definately a problem with some drug. I still stress to you that Ritalin can cause the same symptoms as meth, and these are exactly the symptoms you are talking about. Also, if she has a problem with monopolar depression, either meth or Ritalin will no doubt make her feel better (in the short run.) And even if she is taking nothing but the Ritalin, she may be taking more of it than has been prescribed.
Your daughter does need to be medically and psychologically evaluated. From what you have said about her hallucinations and trips to the ER, it may be possible to have her involuntarily admitted for an evaluation, and this is something you should consider. Maybe you should start by talking to the doctor who put her on Ritalin in the first place. The doctor probably can't tell you anything, but you can let him/her know what is going on. Certainly if she ends up in the ER again, you should ask them to admit her.
You are also right that she needs to get away from her husband. Between the drinking and the abuse (even if it is verbal abuse), he can only be causing her a great deal of harm. Not to mention the kids. However, that decision is something that she absolutely must come to on her own. There are a lot of people who cannot or will not leave an abusive spouse even when their lives are in danger. All you can do about this is share your concerns with her, and if you find out that she is being physically abused, call the police.
My heart goes out to you. You are clearly in an almost impossible situation between your daughter and caring for your father. I hope you find a solution soon. Hugs.
I appreciate all the responses; I have went to my daughter's house begging her to let me take her for a psyche evaluation. Even though she is not hallucinating right now and is doing better she was agreeing to seek treatment. Her husband came in while I was talking to her and started cussing me and telling me that we need to stay out of his business...it was a horrible scene. I know this terrorized my daughter even more and now I think she's afraid to go for a evaluation.
Her husband just lost total control, he did make me cry but I did not leave, I did convince my daughter to leave and she did come home with me and I took her to a regular doctor this next morning who thought it may be stress induced and also told her to get off the ritalin and that she needs to leave her husband. I had to go to a evaluation in reference to my mother regarding her brain tumor about an hour after my daughter's appointment and she promised that she was going to go back to my house and go to sleep. She called me before I could get back to the house and said that she was going back to her house to show her husband which bills that had, and as you can guess she stayed. She used the excuse that she was just biding her time until the kids got out of school.
As far as the other grandmother, her son is totally innocent in all this. My daughter is the one who needs the help. I know for a fact that my daughter's husband's brother is using meth and he stops by all the time while her husband is out of town working. But according to the other grandmother, he assured her that he was not taking any drugs and naturally she believes him.
I honestly don't know which way to turn; I am trying my best to get my daughter help and her abusive alcoholic husband is fighting me every step of the way. She has been married to him 12 years and I have never seen him behave the way he did when he went off on me. In fact, he has never spoken a harsh word to me since I've known him.
I just feel so overwhelmed now trying to be there and deal with my mother's terminal illness along with helping my step-father who is by himself at home, and he's almost 90. A few years ago my brother had a stroke and since then I have been taking care of his medication and bills and doing things that he needs, he actually lived with me for 7 months which about sent me over the edge, he was totally dependent on me.
Anyway...I just don't know what to do....so far I haven't been able to convince my daughter to get an evaluation and her husband and his family will not help in anyway. Right now she seems normal and is taking care of the children like she's supposed to, but she has had two episodes of hallucinating in the last two months. If it was drug induced and she does not stop I know that it will happen again. She has always been a great mother to her children and she does anything for them, it's just that the last few months it's all she can do somedays to function. I have never had any reason to fear for their safety until now...I don't know what's going on with her and she keeps blowing me off as far as seeking help. I just don't know what my options are at this point.
Thanks so much for the replies, I am going to call her now and see how she is doing. I really do appreciate all your support at such a tough time in our families life.
Oh my, this reminds me of me. I was doing meth with all those symptoms but like her looking up diseases on the net thinking I had them . It was the 99% the meth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!! However I do have health problems now probably from doing so much meth when I was younger.
I did meth for 12 years . Im 36 now.I also was prescribed ritalin and it's like meth I did 5 pills in a day before the XR's which are stronger I chewed them to release it all at once. I did this before I moved to meth and it was not as poweful as meth it was like drinking 1/2 pot of coffee to me . However it can mimic meth. I liked being prescribed my add meds while on meth so the tests were + but I had an excuse.So she needs to get off the ritalin and problem solved if she is truthful. If she is only on ritalin and so unwilling to get off ritalin then she is addicted to them and still needs help! It's far better to have add then all her symptoms, right? only an addict would be insane enough to put up with all this and not want to stop. but honestly I bet she started with ritalin and moved on to meth but at this point it doesnt matter the meds and or drugs must be stopped or she will go down a path she will not be happy with. Us addicts usually have to hit bottom or very close before we see the light. What could be her bottom? Death, jail, loss of everything including her kids. We all know it but still cant stop.I lost everything and I was a big fat liar to my parents Addicts are very crafty. It took me getting raided and arrested for manufacturing and prison before I saw the light. I was clean 5 years, relapsed after all I went through but quit 9 months ago, im trully over it all,but addicts seem to self destruct, over and over. I got a lot of health issues now probably from the meth! and because of that I was prescribed pain killers. I should have seen it coming.Im now dealing with an oxycontin addiction 3 weeks clean. My dr gave me them and you know what he shouldnt have. All he did was hurt me worse in the long run.Just cause a dr prescibes something it doesnt make it ok or safe.Do an intervention with all your family present and tell her dr's. after that im sorry but she has to want to stop or she wont. I want to add I was so afraid to stop but it really wasnt that bad. A couple of weeks of being tired with mild cravings then I woke back up and felt fine.I quit first time in jail. second time on my couch it was a breeze.A picnic compared to opiates. and call the cops on her husband if he is physical with her that sob when she sobers up she will bail on him I bet.
Oh my Becky, you really do have a plate full. I promise you will be in my prayers tonight. I have a feeling your daughter's husband flew off the handle cause he knows there's a problem and doesn't want to admit it. He knows he and her are busted. If his mom doesn't want to in any way help, you'll have to depend on your own strength and courage with the help of doctors and what dependable family you can muster. If she was willing to go for an eval, try to catch her in that same mindset again and run with it. If she was willing to go once, she'll probably do it again. Get an RO on the hubby if possible. I also have another suggestion, a far fetched one, but real. One thing I have seen work in the past is make good friends with a cop. Then tell him/her what's going on and see if he/she won't go with you to your daughter's house and see if the both of you can talk some sense into her. I know to some this may seem dangerous and risky, but a friend of mine did just that. The cop was able to explain just what would happen to her and her kids if she didn't get on track. The same went for me kinda, when I got busted, I had a real nice detective talk some sense into me and tell me that I was going to see 50 yrs and no kids if i didn't get my crap together. Luckily, by the grace of God, no one pressed charges and my record will be clean of everything as long as I prove that I'm trying to stay clean. This is just a suggestion that I've seen work two times now just in different ways. No one got through to me other than the detective. But, because of him I won't see time and will keep my family together. He could have turned everything over to the DA and I'd ge in prison right now for basically the rest of my life.
Live well, Laugh often, Love much!
Sorry but I think that she should lose her kids, at least temporarily. They are being neglected, exposed to alcohol and drug abuse-even if it is ritalin-and are in immediate danger. If possible try to file an emergency custody hearing and get custody. If you are not able to care for the kids then perhaps another relative could step up or even have them in foster care. I know that this is not something anyone wants to do. But the needs of those kids come first and foremost. Your daughter and son in law need help asap. Do whatever needs to be done on your part to make sure your grandkids are taken care. Try what you can to encourage your daughter to get help, but remember only she can make a change, you can't force her to change. This is tough situation and it requires tough love. Good luck.