I woke up today feeling physically yucky. Not the PAWS that I have been dealing with, a virus of some sorts. Once I showered and had coffee, I was feeling a bit better. Yesterday I had such a good day. Just felt like I was on top of the world.
I feel soo grateful today. I am sober and other than the virus thing, feeling better everyday. This morning when I was sick, I thought about calling off work. While getting ready to go in I thought about how very fortunate I am. Iím not rich or upper class by a long shot, but I do have everything I need. My bills are paid on time. Iím fortunate that I have a job. Iím fortunate for what I thought to be little things but really they arenít. Stuff like wondering what I should make for diner. I could take something out of the freezer or, I could go to the grocery after work and pick up something. How many will go to bed hungry tonight? I have closets full of clothes to choose from work and play. I have a comfortable bed with clean sheets. How many went to bed cold/hot tonight? How many have no bed? I could go on and on with all that I was thinking of.
The conclusion that I came to is that I am changing. While drinking I did not care about anything but my next drink/drunk. My whole way of thinking is changing. While I am no saint and will never be Mother Theresa, I am not thinking about selfish things like I used to.
I am grateful too that I am one of the lucky ones that made it into the rooms of AA. I have tried to get sober many times and knew that people that went to AA/NA have a much higher rate of recovery than those that donít go to AA or a program suitable for them. Iíd be a fool to say that people donít recover without AA, they do. What I am saying is that for this Alcoholic, itís the only way to go. The last time I tried to get clean and times before, I felt like AA, although I know it works, was like a life long sentence. A chore. Boring.
I have a totally different outlook on it today. When I would hear people in the rooms say they were thankful that they are alcoholics, I used to think they were a few fries short of a happy meal. I am getting a small taste of what they are talking about. Iíve got just over 2 months sober and a bunch of miracles already.
I have a sponsor that I can call day or night. I have both women and men friends. I have been doing things that I havenít done before or havenít done in years. I could not imagine my sober life with out AA. There is more to life than just going to work, having supper and going to bed. Iíve picked up old and am starting new hobbies.
This post is long enough already and I could go on and on. I just wanted to share all of this for those that are on the road to recovery with little time like me, and for those that are contemplating getting sober. I also want to thank all of you that post on this board. You all help me remember that I am not alone on this journey. One of my favorite readings in AA is called The Promises. I love them. They give this alcoholic hope.
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic