reach, i think i have asked you this before but i cant remember nothin anymore, so i will ask again. when you were tapering off the drugs,did you have to hold down and work a full time job during all this? to me it makes a heck of alot of difference whether or not a person has to work and be somewhere at a certain time everyday while goin thru the joneses. i personnlly dont think a person can work and go thru w/ds after a person has been using for several yrs, what do you think about this. to me there is absollutely nothing worse than having to go to work and think about things when goin thru bad w/ds or minor w/ds. did you have to go thru all this and work at the same time?
Last edited by mod-anon; 06-02-2008 at 10:15 PM.
Reason: starting a new thread with this post.
No, I did not work at all when I was tapering. I had fallen into non-functioning clinical depression and had to retire from work. Then I started the tapering. And that is when I learned what non-functionig can really mean! That first week of tapering when the cuts were large, I went into full withdrawal and basically just existed like a curled-up, sobbing ball of humanity. I couldn't think of anything except survival.
I don't think my head began to straighten out for at least 6 weeks and even then it wasn't too great. I had been on opiates of some sort or another for over 10 years at that point and the opiates kept getting stronger and higher in dosge. The last two years of using them are really kind of a blur of just existing. There was no real concentration anymore... just thinking in the day, in the moment, was hard as anything.
For me, there was no question of working or not working. We could have been so broke that we were on the street and I still couldn't have held any kind of job. I agree with you that the longer we have used and the bigger the addiction gets, the more impossible it becomes to withdraw without time out in either a rehab or home. I know some here have done it and I shake my head in wonder at their ability to do it.
It took me a number of months to find sober-thinking which did happen before I was done tapering. Without the sober-thinking coming to be, I do not know that I would have been able to really change my life, finish the tapers and truly move on. For me personally, working would not have been just hard, it was just an impossibility.
There was a lot of conflict in me about no longer working as I went through withdrawal. But you know what? In hindsight, I was able to see that things happened for me in a way that was best for me. It wasn't until I finally had to let go of all responsibility of work that I finally found the strength to take responsibility for me. I had the time to concentrate on my own life, my personal life, and work on ways to repair it. For me, it took a lot of work and a lot of time. It was a long time getting to the point of that final breakdown and it took a long time to recover.
Spark, my good buddy, it was good to hear from you, share with you. How are things going for you? Come share where you are today and how life is for you. You are a spark on this board and always light it up when you are around.
i know i could not work during detox and withdrawl. i tried to go back to work one time after detoxing for 3 days--i relapsed because i was so horribly sick still. talked myself into using so i would be well enough to work. IMO--anyone needs at least a couple of weeks to get thru the really bad stuff. i certainly admire anyone who can go back and stay clean!!
I couldn't have worked. I took a total of three weeks off to detox.
Lack of sleep, a body dying for an opiate fix, depression, the shakes, and more side effects that I can list kept me in the house. I was embarassed to be seen in public in the condition I was in. After detox was over, my doctor said that I LOOKED sick. My pale skin, baggy eyes, and loss of weight was a dead giveaway. When I did go back to work, a lot of my customers asked me if I was feeling well.
My hat is off to anyone who can work and detox. They are a lot stronger (and maybe younger) than I.
I did work thru withdrawals but I have a desk job and my withdrawals were not nearly as severe as I hear people on board say their's were. Also, I was not taking a massive amt of opiates. Usually 2-4 pills, 6 if I was being generous to myself- a variety of oxycontin, hydrocodone and morphine. I was in such denial about my addiction that I didn't even realize I was going through withdrawal - thought I had a virus that lasted weeks. Even went to the Doctor and had blood work done LOL. Oh, I wanted to stay home sick but was about out of sick and vacation time at that point and we were super busy at work. It was a very rough time!
well it seems that most of you fine people agree with me on this,and this is alot of my problem now and in the past.i live paycheck to paycheck and work a construction trade,and everytime i have tried to get clean and not take anything i do good until i have to go to work and then i will do anything i can to make the sickness go away.i cant work my job even with the lest amount of w/ds goin on anymore,i feel so bad and sick that i cant think clear,cant add 2+2,basically cant do anything.and with me 2-3 weeks of stayin home and detoxing is not near enough time to even remotely start feelin half normal.im in the same shape or worse as you were reach,but what does a person do when you are in this hellish cycle.its a merrygoround but no music ever plays and its not a happy thing.
reach,thanks for answering my questions,i know you had it rough last yr,got anything to add to what i just posted above?i really dont know what to do about this when the time comes up again,and it will come up again.it boils down to i have to work or lose my house.thats it.
emsmom,its good to hear from you also,i thought i havent seen you around much here lately,i havent been postin much either but check in everyday.you are more than welcome to interrupt my conversation anytime you want to,i like hearing and talking to you and i hope you are doin okay.
kellibear,thanks for your input,you agree with me,i dont think a person can work after bein addicted for several yrs.
mk7657,thanks for your input,sounds like you had it rough during that detox,but you made it and thats all that matters.with me 3weeks wouldnt even be starting to get me back to half normal.i really dont know what the answer is gonna be right now.
granny,good to hear from you also,glad you made it and are feelin better and normal.sounds like you had it rough to in your detox.you had it lucky one way tho,you thought it was the flu and you didnt know any better,wish i could do that.i would trade my w/ds for the absolute worst case of the flu any day of the week.i hate w/ds more than anything in this world.thanks for postin to me granny.good luck.
thanks to all and if yu have anything else to add or say at all,dont hesitate.thanks-spark
I can understand the dilemma there, Spark.... stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't know that I have any real answers to your dilemma, but a few thoughts maybe....
Do you carry any disability insurance clause with your mortgage? If you do, it might be a source of mortgage payment while you went to rehab for 90 days or so. Check the fine print and see. We were young when we first bought the house and sadly did not think to include disability insurance. Hopefully, you did.
Another thought would be to talk to someone at Social Security Administration about your situation. Perhaps you can file for Disability if a doctor will verify that it is going to take you at least a year to get better. The biggest problem with this is that it can be a lengthy process sometimes.
Are you married, Spark? If it would not be ideal, but perhaps you can take in a boarder to help with some of the financial burden and start socking away some money in an account that is set up for the sole purpose of pasying the bills during withdrawal. I understand well living paycheck to paycheck. It makes it so hard to plan for time not working.
What about an equity line of credit on the house? A line big enough to pay the bills for 6 months or so? Take out only enough each month from the line to pay the bills. The payments back to the line each month would be minimal and maybe could be doable.
Are you a veteran? Anything available for help with the Vet's Administration?
Sigh, Sparks. I wish I could come up with an answer that seems totally doable. I am going to spend some time thinking on this and see if any better thoughts pop up.
You are a good guy, Spark, and it is frustrating that logistics are standing in the way right now. I think you could move into recovery quickly, but that the restoration of the body and brain is going to need some time. I don't think we can stay in recovery unless we give the body and brain a chance to restore themselves.
There is an answer somewhere out there. We are all going to have to keep on thinking on it until we discover it. It is complicated, Sparks, but there is an answer somewhere. Don't ever give up the hope, Brother. Pray on it. I am going to do the same.
It was great to hear from you too. I love hearing from you and chatting as well. I am sorry to hear about your situation at the moment, however I'll tell you my story...I'm sure you can relate.
I'm experiencing cabin fever I want to get out of the house, get a part-time job, associate with adults (instead of children all day long lol) and make a contribution to my family. The problem is, I've been off work since I came clean about my addiction (9 months ago), and I'm going crazy around here. I was working part-time, and really enjoyed getting out of the house. However, I'm scared to go back to work, cause I'm used to taking pills to get me through those shifts. Make sense? I'd take oxy's, go to work, and be wonder-woman. I could finish a shift, come home and clean the house, do laundry, bathe the girls etc. I'm not so sure I can do that anymore, without pills.
It may sound selfish, but its the truth. So we're kind of in the same situation. The depression is still at its high point, so going back to work would be a bad idea for me right now. When does this end?
Lately, all I do is sit around the house, take my daughter to and from the school bus, "maybe" head over to the park for 20 mins, then come home and wait for my husband to finish at the office. Essentially, I'm bored and want to do something with my life, but I don't remember how...without pills
I agree with what Reach said regarding "logistics standing in the way." Its so hard to take the next step cause I'm not used to life yet...without pills.
I hope you find a solution Spark, you seem to "want" the good life, and deserve to have it. If its any consellation, I completely understand the position you're in.
I'm doing ok, thanks for asking, however I wish I could get back to the girl I was before the pills. I was such a happy person. Not anymore...
Hope you're having a good day, I look forward to hearing from you.