Just wanting to share
I am up earlier than usual as I have to make a trip about an hour away to attend the funeral of my aunt. Last night we went down to the wake. She was a special aunt and my Mom's last sister. Two months ago, my Mom's brother passed on, so it has been a time of some sadness especially for her. She is the baby of five siblings and now it is only her. I hurt for my Mom as she struggles with the grief.
Last month, a friend of mine passed away at age 51 from cirrohhsis of the liver. She was an alcoholic and it claimed her life earlier than need be. Her husband passed away years ago from illness and now the only child is left on her own at 20 years old.
So I am not sharing for the boo-hoo effect here. These things are a part of life and while it is a time of mourning for me, I have learned in my journey to recovery how to mourn and move on. This is what I wanted to share.
I have written often about facing life on life's terms. This is something I could not do for many years. I used pills to hide from the emotional pains in my life. I tried to hide from deaths, illnesses, hurts and fears. Funny how something as small as a pill can make us think we can hide from these things. The walls we build with pills are like the straw house one of the three little pigs built that got blown right down with a coule of huffs and puffs. That pig's straw walls were no stronger or sustainable than pills were to me.
Today I can deal with life even when it is hard because I am sturdier and my fortress is built with bricks now, like that third little pig's. The bricks are the tools I gained working to be pill free, addiction free. Oh, I am sad of course, but I can participate in the needed grief and mourning and not make useless attempts to hide from it anymore. And I will move on because that is what life is about... moving forward, moving on.
I know many have fears about living life sober without pills or alcohol. I sure did. Did. Not anymore. In finding sobriety, I have found the ability to live in it and it comes more easily than I ever imagined it would. While it involves feeling the pains life can bring, it also allows us to feel the joys life brings. It allows us not to fear feeling anymore. When we are able to allow ourselves to feel again, we allow ourselves to be participants in life and not just bodies existing in the world. It is so much better than the hiding in a haze.
So today I am able to feel. It may be sadness, but I can feel. And because I know that I am also capable of feeling joy and happiness, too, there is a balance in life for me.
This balance is there for each of us. It is not only possible to handle life in sobriety, it is a life enriched with feelings.