Re: 90 days --How did I get here?
Good Morning D
Couldn't start this post without some happy thoughts on 90 days for you. You are doing it, really doing it, my friend, and I celebrate it with you. To recognize that sobriety is here for you is a wonderful thing and something to recognize with thankfulness.
It is funny, I put so much effort early on into my recovery, that no it seems like I am slacking. I really need to refocus and start a new chapter .
D, when we begin to withdraw and look for sobriety, it does indeed take massive amounts of our energy and concentration to do it. The amounts needed are in no way proportionate to normal daily living. As the sobriety becomes a reality in our lives, there is a let down of sorts.... the excitement of our intense focusing eases off and what was for a while the most important, often the only, purpose in our day ( not using) becomes a much less powerful thing. While we still need to work at it, we no longer need to work so consciously because sobriety has started to become a natural habit for us.
Ever watch your kids at Christmas time? The momentum builds in the preceding weeks and finally the big day comes. All the anticipation is at a crescendo and the packages get ripped open with an intense focus at the exciting discovery of the contents. They play with each new toy, moving from one to another at a rapid pace. And then, finally, the excitement ends and calm is restored again. As the days go by, the kids still play with the toys, but the wonderous excitement has faded and they play with the toys now as calm little everyday pieces of their world.
For me, living in recovery has meant moving into a calmness in living. It has meant learning again to find joy and happiness in everyday things... and I gotta tell you, living in recovery as well as retirement means I have had to find happiness in what can sound like some really boring things! Chuckles. Maybe I clean out a closet, but I find a lot of satisfaction in that now. Where in withdrawal and the beginning stages of recovery, that chore was done to help with the withdrawal symptoms, now it is done to practice living in order and calmness. The chore is the same, but the intent of it different. Both intents serve a purpose equally important in their own time.
I do not ever stop working in my recovery. Part of it for me is staying involved in the board. Another huge part of it is working to transfer the skills I learned as I fought for recovery and transferring them now to all parts of my life. So yes, a new chapter is called for now in your own recovery. This chapter can never exclude a degree of work to maintain sobriety, but must also now include work to find peace with the boring, with the mundane, aspects of life. It is a time of learning to live life n life's terms, and truthfully, life is often best lived calmly with only occassional bouts of drama and excitement. Boring can be a gift if we can recognize it as a reward for removing the drama of addiction out of our lives.
Reflection is a good and needed part of our recovery. Reflection does not have to mean we are craving a pill, but merely working out in our minds where we need to move forward in our lives. There is so much more to you than just your adiction. I think the 'more' is trying to surface in you. Let it come and see where it leads you. My guess is that it is going to be in a good direction.