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Old 06-20-2008, 01:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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karen51 HB User
Arrow Desperate

I posted on here before about my son that is 28, an alcoholic with a recent episode of pancreatitis. Four docs told him he could never touch another drop.

He stopped for a few days..maybe and now back to drinking full force. Even is drinking and driving with his children in the car!!!!

Nothing has changed, but just hearing my ex say, I already have cut him out of everything in my life, because I know he is not going to be here just killed me. I have already attempted suicide in the past, and feel ok now. However it could be a day, a week or a year but he will get sick and has a very high rish of dying from either the pancreas, cancer or driving under the influence.

If he does, I cannot imagine that I will want to live. He will also be leaving behind four children. I do not talk to him now, due to him insulting and humiliating me in front of his girlfriend's parents that I had just met for the first time. His twins are due in July.

I am beside myself. There should be something that could be done to prevent a tragedy here.

Help if you have any ideas!


 
Old 06-27-2008, 06:03 AM   #2
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mariecan HB User
Re: Desperate

Im am so sorry no one has responded to your post. I also have a brother who is an alcoholic and big binge drinker. The people who support his drinking need to stop. My brother has been hospitalized many times, twice on the ventilator, and he still continues to drink. My brothers 2nd wife uses his drinking as a power over him. She now is tired of it and we cant trust him. Recently his wife kicked him out and he had no place to go. My mother took him in on specific demands he agreed to prior to coming. No drinking and start AA. Once he got here the beer drinking began. In his mind beer is not really etoh.
My mother sent him back home, he was so angry. Thinks she is throwing out her only son to live homeless. See, everyone in his life has picked him up. Not any more. He can only get help when he wants help. Hopefully being homeless he will hit rock bottom.

Hang in there
Mariecan

 
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Old 06-27-2008, 09:04 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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karen51 HB User
Re: Desperate

Quote:
Originally Posted by mariecan View Post
Im am so sorry no one has responded to your post. I also have a brother who is an alcoholic and big binge drinker. The people who support his drinking need to stop. My brother has been hospitalized many times, twice on the ventilator, and he still continues to drink. My brothers 2nd wife uses his drinking as a power over him. She now is tired of it and we cant trust him. Recently his wife kicked him out and he had no place to go. My mother took him in on specific demands he agreed to prior to coming. No drinking and start AA. Once he got here the beer drinking began. In his mind beer is not really etoh.
My mother sent him back home, he was so angry. Thinks she is throwing out her only son to live homeless. See, everyone in his life has picked him up. Not any more. He can only get help when he wants help. Hopefully being homeless he will hit rock bottom.

Hang in there
Mariecan
Thank you Mariecan for responding! Yes, I post on here a lot to vent. The situation with him has not changed that I know of, but his girlfriend does not talk to me either, I guess because when my son really hurt me that day at his house, I called her to really vent for about an hour. She is expecting twins too so I imagine she doesn't feel like a lot of drama.

I plan to try to talk to my son and see if he will agree to some boundaries so that we can have some kind of relationship.

Wow, I cannot believe all that about your brother. Please tell me why he was on a respirator twice...? I know some people don't think they are an alcoholic because they drink wine or beer. Ha! What a joke.

I am amazed that your brother having been that sick twice did not get a wake up call from that. I certainly pray that he somehow will see the light. I just had to quit worrying myself to death, which is what I was doing. Like I said, it would be such a tragedy, many times over if something happens to him. He already has 2 beautiful children and their mother is not worth 2 cents. Sad.

All this does tear my heart out. I have shed a lot of tears lately.

Thanks again,

Karen

 
Old 06-30-2008, 08:02 AM   #4
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viking55803 HB User
Re: Desperate

Quote:
Originally Posted by mariecan View Post
He can only get help when he wants help. Hopefully being homeless he will hit rock bottom.
Homelessness is not a treatment plan for addiction. The problem with the concept of "hitting bottom" is that there are many folks that live at their bottom.

With regard to the initial post, if someone is drinking and driving it is critically important to get law enforcement involved (or child protection if that is an issue too.) Alcoholics and addicts are still responsible for their behavior even though they happen to have a brain illness. Often, it is legal pressure that is most useful in providing the initial motivation for change.

Last edited by mod-anon; 06-30-2008 at 08:20 AM. Reason: editing quote

 
Old 06-30-2008, 08:59 AM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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karen51 HB User
Re: Desperate

Viking,

I have thought that also, but how can you get law involved, unless you know specifically when they are out driving under the influence? I cannot just call the cops and say I know that he is doing this at times. I have racked my brain.

I tried to talk to him yesterday by the way, and try to say to him that I deeply want a relationship with him, but he would have to agree to some boundaries. I approached him very gently and he just mocked me, turned the radio up in his car and then "had to go". I did this directly according to my counselor's advice. Exactly the way she suggested. He was just rude and disrespectful, not accepting of my hand out to him.

He obviously does not want a relationship with me, or the alcohol is skewing his judgment.

Any thoughts on that?

Thanks

 
Old 06-30-2008, 09:00 AM   #6
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: nashville, tn
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kellibear HB User
Re: Desperate

i definitely agree with viking--if he is drinking and driving with his children in the car--he has to be stopped. call child protective services if you have to--they may give you custody. he needs a huge wake-up call! he may thank you one day.

 
Old 07-01-2008, 04:56 AM   #7
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mariecan HB User
Re: Desperate

Just wanted to jump in and say my mother contacted AA which put her in contact with a support system for families of alcoholics. Thay gave her the advice to stop picking him up. Stop being a enabler. If he ends up homeless, its by his on actions. Please know, no one ever wants to think about their child on the streets, worring everyday if their okay,alive. And yes, my brother has binged to the point where he could no longer support his airway, twice. If not for EMS and quick intubation, he may not have survived. Your son is the only one who can make the decision to stop. He has to want to do it, you cant force him or make him stop. Maybe you can share with him your concerns, let him know when he decides to stop, you will be there. However, you will not contribute to or support his alcoholism. Remember, this is a disease.
I would highly suggest contacting AA for the info for families. They are soooo helpful.
Hang in there.
Mariecan

 
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