I am addicted to Percocet and Hydrocodone really bad...
I don't know what to do. I have everything to live for...2 wonderful children, each with a new baby girl...I am a grandma twice in the last year. I am so sick and I don't want to die but I don't know where to turn.
Everytime I go to my doctor I want to tell him so bad but I just can't bring myself to tell him. I can't imagine my life without my pain medicine. My doctor gave me 150 Percocets June 26th and I counted them today, June 30th, and I have 50 left. I do at least 300 pills a month...what am I going to do. I can't type anymore...the tears are streaming down my face. Somebody please help me.
Last edited by Administrator; 07-01-2008 at 01:20 AM.
The following user gives a hug of support to lisa731:
You are not alone. Many of us have been where you are now. Please know you can get off the drugs. You are on alot of pain meds. Please have an honest talk with your doctor TODAY. I will keep you in my prayers.
You are definetly not alone here. There are many of us here who have been through the same thing you are going thru right now.
You have come to a good place to get information and support.
Start reading posts here. get some good informative info from others here.
I know you're scared, but it might be a great idea to talk to your doctor about this. Sometimes, to let things like this out can be a great weight lifted from your shoulders.
You are not alone here There are alot of people in your position, or have been in your position before, so you'll get alot of help here.
You can do this! Have a chat with your doctor, don't be afraid, mosts doctors are aware of the problems with addiction.
I got a tear in my eye when I read that the tears were streaming down your face I was once in that exact position. I knew what I was doing, and I knew it had to stop but I didn't want to tell my doctor cause that meant I'd eventually have to taper down and discontinue the one thing that I really enjoyed doing. Well, I thought I enjoyed it - it ruined my life. I started out with percocet, just like you. When I hit rock bottom, I was taking 10 Oxycontin 80's per day! Thats 800mg of oxycodone IN ONE DAY. One percocet has 5mg, so if you do the math, I was taking the equivalent of 160 percocets a day.
I'm not saying you'll turn out like me. I'm just trying to show you how quickly it get out of hand. From the time I got my first script of 30 percocets, to the time I was taking 800mg, it had only been about 12 months.
Lisa, you can do this. You don't want to get any worse, do you? Take control now, talk to your doctor and figure out a way for you to taper down.
If you need advice, suggestions, encouragement...then you've come to the right place There are some really wonderful people on this board, people who will stand behind you and guide you through your journey to recovery.
Here I sit.....crying so hard.....with my hands over my face.....rocking back and forth.....tears dripping off my chin and reading your words of encouragement, caring and support...written to me...a person you don't even know.
I don't know what to say to you all, emsmom, jerry, and mariecan...I am at a real loss for words. <crying hard>
For the first time, in my addiction, I don't feel alone anymore. I don't feel like I carry this sick secret all by myself. You have made me feel like, for the first time, I can tell and share my secret...my hell... and my hatred for it.
I hate those pills.....they are killing me and I hate myself for not having control of them.....they have the control and I hate them. <crying>
To emsmom, jerry, and mariecan, I can hardly express to you how your caring words and support for me has made me feel inside. I have a feeling of hope. I have a feeling of other people, truly, caring about another human being.....me. <tears flowing>
I, honestly, beleived that I was the only person, in the world, that would ever take as many pills, as I do, at one time. It is a miracle that I sit in front of my computer.
I want you all to know how very greatful I am to have found you.
I beleive "you" is what I need and thank you for your warm and caring welcome to your board.
I want to share how I am feeling, with you, before I go.
I logged on to HealthBoards early this morning, for the first time, with no visible light at the end of the tunnel.
Today...I have hope. I can cry and I can share.
After crying all these tears and sharing my secret addiction with you, and I am not real sure why but it really does not matter, I feel so much better.
A big hug to you first of all. The question is now what? Did you call your doctor today?
Being honest with your physician can make all the difference. Please think about taking that leap. I know its scary. I really dont know what kind of pain your in but you can be honest with your doctor, tell him how you feel, how these pills are affecting you. As you read alot of life stories on this board you will find most people had very supportive doctors. Please think about it. I am very worried for you.
Keep us updated, we are right by your side.
PS- read dorskins journey- "off oxy 3 days" I just commented on his story so it should be close to the start.
Last edited by mariecan; 07-01-2008 at 04:43 PM.
I was in the same boat when I decided to get clean. I was getting 90 oxy/mo and was only 10 days into the month when I realized I was down to 8. Ummm wow, how much was going to be enough?? I knew I needed to get clean and with help from my fiance I made the decision.
It was a tough, no lie. When it seemed like too much, I just told myself.....For this hour Im not going to use. If that was too long.....For the next 10 minutes, Im not going to use. I just kept telling myself this over and over. I had good support around me of ppl that understood what I was going through. And just like you, I knew the pills were killing me. My family had grown tired of the constant attitudes, flip outs and an overall displeasure it was to be around me. I told them when I decided to get clean and I had their full support.
If anything, just remember....YOU CAN DO THIS. Sobriety is a gift and the question is "Are you ready to accept it?" By coming on this board and sharing I believe you are, so I'll pray for you. Please take this gift and save your life.
"Thank you" for the "big hug", Marie. I am going to need lots of those in the hours...days...and weeks to come. I am so glad I found you all! You just don't know how much.
<huuugggsss> to marie--- jerry---emsmom---dorskin
<huuugggsss>to all my new friends here on the board.
Let me begin with the answer to your question, Marie. I did not call my doctor today. I know this is something that I must do very, very soon. But first, I feel like I need to get really honest about everything and put it all out there for you guys, and for myself, as well.
You all need to know what I am working with here and, without a doubt, what I must do if I want to continue to live and I, DO, want to live and that is why I am reaching out to all of you on the board. This will be the battle for my life and I WILL win this fight.
I want ALL of your suggestions, I want ALL of your guidance, I want ALL of your tips, and I want ALL the support that you can lend to me.
I want to hear EVERYTHING you have say to help me win this fight!
I can't do this alone.....I need your help. Please.
Will you all help me?
It is 3:30am here, where I live, and I am getting very tired so I am going to close for now.
my name is kelly, i am a recovering alcoholic and i read the addiction and recovery boards and quite often. i know your drug of choice is not alcohol but addiction is addiction and we all are in the same battle so when i read your post ...i just had to reply and tell you, that i also will support you in any way i can!!!
this is a fantastic group of people that you have found here!!
i actually take norco 10/325 4-5 times a day for chronic pain...so i can kind of relate to the drugs....i think percocet is stronger than norco but anyway...i can see where it could be a problem if your not careful (me i mean) especially with my addiction history.
lisa....you have taken the first step...you have admitted you are powerless over the drug...that was the hardest step for me, and you did it!!
did you get a chance to talk with your dr. yet?? i also went to an addictions counselor who was in recovery himself and he helped more than i could have ever imagined!!
keep is posted and let us know what we can do to help....the support and love and honesty one addict has for another has truly amazed me...we need you as much as you need us!!!!!
Good morning Lisa, how you feeling today?? Its great to hear you want to win this fight and I hope you do. Its a tough road getting clean so I wish you the best of luck. Let us know whats going on and we will help in anyway we can.
To tackle addiction is to tackle a lot of fear. Fear of the secret being out, fear of the withdrawal, fear of life without the pills. Oh, I know these fears well because I was addicted to opiates and to Xanax. Those fears grow and grow until they become like an out of contol cancer in our very souls.Like you, my use spiraled and with it, my entire life spiraled downward as well.
How do we get out of the horrible circles we are running in? We face the fear and do what we have to. And that first fear is spilling the story to our doctor. Lisa, I can not tell you the huge relief that comes once we find the courage to do this. Oh, of course I cried and sobbed and felt humiliated and embarrassed.... and you know what? It was all self-imposed! The only thing my doctor wanted to do was help me... and he did! I left his office that day with more hope than I knew could be possible. I left feeling 50 lbs lighter with so much of the fear gone. I left with HOPE.
I am clean for over a year now. My life is calm, it is happy, it is no longer filled with demons of fear. I don't miss the pills and I sure don't miss the life I was living in them. It took a year of tapering, first from Ocycodone and then from Xanax. Yes, it was difficult, really hard, at times. However, as I moved along, it became more and more possible. I totally hated the withdrawal at times, but I knew it was my only chance to live, truly live, again and I wanted it more than anything. I wanted my life back, and I have it again.
Lisa, print out your thread and hand it to the doctor if you don't feel you can get the words out. Our doctors can only help us best when all the information is truly disclosed. Please, please, take a leap of faith here and belive that those who have gone before you understand what is happening in your head and know what has to be done. Put the brakes on the downward spiral and begin today to find the restored life that is waiting for you.
Hello my Friends...so many "thanks" to you for your prayer's and concern. I am not doing well. I am feeling, absolute, terror.
Right now...my brain is telling me to log out of here...run... and don't look back. <crying>
My heart is telling me to put it all out there for you to see/for me to share.
I am going to listen to my heart and fear being judged.
<why do I always cry?>
What I am about to tell you, about myself, is the hardest....most embarrassing truth....I have ever revealed to another about my, so sick, addiction(s). Percocet and Cocaine.
I have been up since Sunday....4 days and 3 nights.
Otherwise, I would have called my doctor by now.
You see, I am divorced (about 13 years now). I live in a decent home/nice neighborhood. I live alone except for my "Min Pin" that I love like no other! For the most part, money and/or lack of, has never been a issue.....unfortunatly.
My sick entertainment consists of having two of my best friend over (Percocets/Opoids and Cocaine) for a 3 or 4 night party about two to three times a month (Cocaine Use). I partake in all the festivities all the while knowing I am slowly but surely going to die. How sick I am. <crying>
I don't think I have ever meantioned, to you, that one of my character assets is "addictive behavior disorder."
Doctor's agree that one is born with this asset and
I just happened to be one of the lucky ones. Just set any drug in front of me.....I will do it until it is gone.....I will like it.....and then I will be addicted to it.
Thank you all for your prayers and support.
I love you guys...