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Old 11-05-2008, 01:20 PM   #1
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Secrets1983 HB User
I Am Scared To Death!

Hey Everyone,

Well, I am a fellow addict. A lot of different health issue's starting this horrifying journey for me.. Along the way I fell in love with vicodin.. Then eventually oxycodone and then oxycontin. I had a surgery done a few weeks ago and requested an immediate wean down program from these drugs after a few days recovering from surgery... Currently..... my last day of taking a pill is tomorrow and I am scared to death. For the last 2 weeks it has been a nightmare. Sleepless nights because my legs are kicking and hurting.. Along with my arms and shoulders. Hot sweats and everything else that you all know comes along with this. Now.. my family knows I am doing this wean down process as does my employement.. However, none of these people know that I actually am addicted mentally to these drugs not just physically addicted to them.
Tomorrow I take my last oxycontin pill and then I am done.. I am scared of how I am going to feel Friday. I have to work. I just wonder what it will feel like to feel normal again. I miss that "high" I used to get and wonder how strong I will be able to be. I am scared. Just had to say it all out loud to some people who would understand.
What I do know is that right now I am strong and I keep in my mind that we want to start a family and that is more important that any pill could ever be. I just keep repeating that when I am kicking in the middle of the night.
Well, Thanks for reading all of this!
~Secrets

 
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Old 11-06-2008, 07:52 AM   #2
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Re: I Am Scared To Death!

Secrets, how are you doing this morning? I have been thinking about you and hoping your morning is going good. Just think, you aren't going to have to look into that pill bottle any longer, you are DONE!!! Sending prayers and thoughts your way. TaCot

 
Old 11-06-2008, 08:21 AM   #3
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Re: I Am Scared To Death!

Hello Secrets

Thinking of you this morning and wishing you well. You can so do this, Friend. Keep that mantra going about starting the family. I used a mantra my family doctor gave me... "I am geting stronger and better every day." Evry time I had to fight a symptom of withdrawal, that mantra would come to me and I would survive the symptom. I also kept foremost in my mind that every withdrawal symptom I endured was actually a symptom of healing and restoration. It is the body getting back to its natural, wonderful self.

Be brave, be strong. You are fighting for the quality of your own life and the lives of those around you. They need you, you are an important part of their being. The restoration, the stopping of the secrets.... it is truly like a rebirth and you will come out of it respecting yourself and more in awe of life than ever.

With all hope
reach

 
Old 11-06-2008, 09:28 AM   #4
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Re: I Am Scared To Death!

THANK YOU AND TERRI AND REACH!

You have no idea how nice it was to log on and have two such sweet supporters!
Boy, what a journey. I took that last pill 1 hour and 24 minutes ago. Part of me is scared to death and the other part of me is so relieved. I am really scared of what tomorrow will bring but... I really like your idea Reach of thinking with each w/d symptom that it's my body healing and returning to it's normal self. So thank you for that.. I never thought of it that way before.

I am staying positive! Thanks to people like you I have hope. Right now my body feels relaxed of course so I am going to use this time to restore some energy for what is going to be a head of me in the next few days. Does anyone know how long my w/d syptoms will last from here on out? I am going to start another thread to ask that question...

Again. THANK YOU. I am hanging in there you guys! HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING TODAY?
~Secrets..... but not for long

 
Old 11-06-2008, 02:42 PM   #5
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Re: I Am Scared To Death!

Thank you so much you guys! Seriously.. Everytime I read an encouraging post I get goose bumps all over my arms! I swear.. I don't know what I would do with out this website! I do have a LOT of hope.. I can tell you this.. As much as I complain about the W/D and symptoms and what not.. THIS WILL NOT BEAT ME. I would bet my house on it. My life and my husband are FAR too important to me to be ruled by those stupid white pills. This morning was my LAST pill and yes, I am scared about tomorrow morning.. The first morning in ummmmm A YEAR with out a pill to start my day with.. So.. I am going to have to be strongest tomorrow. AND I WILL BE.
Thank you guys so much! Really.. You have really given me a lot of hope and power over this.
SINCERELY,
~Secrets

 
Old 11-07-2008, 06:59 AM   #6
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Re: I Am Scared To Death!

i'm very new to this site, been taking some very strong meds for about 11/2 yrs and returning for addl surgury to remove screws and cage at c12 c23 c34, hoping not to haveto continue meds soon after surg,,nerve damage,,not sure this will work, have to try. need to get off of meds,,,so keep your head up and some very smart people have posted to you some very wise advice,,I will get my inspritration from those who have advised you,,god bless and thank you, many people will benifit because of your courage to ask the question,,,how to get off pain meds forever,,good luck the Lord is watching over us all,,,queenie

 
Old 11-07-2008, 11:13 AM   #7
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Re: I Am Scared To Death!

queenie,

Thank you so much for your words! I wanted to wish you luck with your journey as well.. Sounds like you have had a long and painful one too and it's still not over with.. So stay strong and hopefully this last surgery will do the trick! And then you can get off these meds. I will say that even though I am going thru w/d right now... i still feel liberated! TO not be attached to a pill bottle is a great feeling! So I hope you can get there soon too. These nasty w/d can't and won't last forever so when it's your time, pray a lot and stay strong.. YOU CAN DO THIS TOO.
This site is great and has helped me SO much... I am newer too and I don't know right now what I would do with out it! Keep in touch!
~Secrets

 
Old 11-08-2008, 10:27 PM   #8
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Re: I Am Scared To Death!

went into addition web site today and spoke to a wonderful woman who said coming off oups meds take time and help there is a med to help, but councling is also required,,,im going to go for it after surg in january...anyway the name of med is soboxen and only certin drs can administer this drug, they showed a map and suprise my old pain mgt dr is approved, i am so excited, so my advice is never give up and keep playing with the web, almost andthing you need to know is there, if you want more info, contact me a i'll gladly share

 
Old 11-09-2008, 01:56 PM   #9
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Re: I Am Scared To Death!

it feels good to know that there are other people out there that know what we are going thru, I will keep you in my prayers too and am comfortable with this upcoming surgury,,but i need to mention that anyone who smokes,,i do,,that when the surgury goes well,you will have the same problem I do,,needing to go thru another surgury because as my dr finially told me,,this past friday, 11/2 yr after that putting screws in a good plywood vs doing it in backer board is why my screws have moved and are hitting the nerve endings. so stop smoking if you are even thinking of having this done,, I will be quiting as I go thru my withdrawal of these strong meds with the help of a new drug program, which surprise surprise my pain mgt doctor of the past 5 yrs is a member of this treatment program.. <removed> bye for now my new friend and may GOD bless you and give you the courage to do what you know you should be

Last edited by mod-anon; 11-09-2008 at 10:39 PM. Reason: do not discuss off-site contact

 
Old 11-09-2008, 02:01 PM   #10
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queenie45 HB User
Re: I Am Scared To Death!

you are so brave///i hope when my time comes i will have the courage and faith in GOD that he will be on my sholder just gently pushing me along,, read my earlier post about a new program to help your along,,you do not need to do this alone

 
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