day 1. Horrible!!! - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

hvaclou2 · 01-24-2009, 11:04 PM

Hi to everyone. my name is lou i am very new to the site and look foward to hearing from everyone, i could really use ANYONES help. unfortunatly i am or was i should say..hooked on vicodin. Been taking them for 4 years. The whole time without ever getting caught by my soon to be wife. the whole time i was hooked i told myself i would be able to quit no problem, That is FAR from the truth right now. to make a real long story short, me quitting is totally on the DL and im doin it alone. no-one can know. i am fully motivated to make this work. Normally i wake up and im itchin for my fix, although today felt different almost like i can do it. if anyone can help out with some good ideas on how to keep the mental aspect of the withdrawal down i can sure use the advice. like i said i do not want to do this alone and the forums are all i have anything will do.thanks
lou

Secrets1983 · 01-24-2009, 11:30 PM

Welcome Lou,

Sounds like you are in a tough spot. I too have an addiction to pain pills. You came to the right place. We are all in the same boat here and it feels good to know we don't have to go thru this alone.

Even though this is not the "right" way to go thru it.. I too went thru it alone. No one in my life knows I have an addiction. The only support and life line i had was this site. I have read and do believe the best way to recover is to be open and honest with those close to you but I still have not been able to bring myself to do so.. I am almost 80 days pill free. I do have guilt for not telling my husband... Major guilt but I feel such shame over this.

The physical withdrawals are bad! I NEVER want to have to go thru that again. I thought the restlessness and lack of sleep and anxiety from it all would certainly drive me crazy but eventually it ended... Then came the mental part.. In my opinion the hardest part. I still crave the pills however after time the depression does lift and you start to see things more clearly and start enjoying life again with out the drugs.... You start to feel pride over your accomplishments and that keeps me going.

The best advice I can give you if you don't want to speak to someone in real life about this is to read as many posts as you can... You will learn a lot about addiction and a lot about yourself along the way. You deserve to no longer be slave to that bottle and you CAN do this. We are here to help support you on your journey.. Thru the good times and thru the down right horrid times.

I hope you make yourself at home here and let us get to know you a little better!
~Secrets

mel486 · 01-25-2009, 12:09 AM

Hi Lou. This is the right place to be. Welcome to the group! I signed up for this forum just 3 days ago and I have learned so much in those few days it's unbelievable. I don't know much about Vicodin, my drug is Percocet, but I do know lots about the mental and physical withdrawals, since I'm experiencing them first hand, even as I type this.

My original plan was to go cold turkey from 10mg/day of Percocet down to 0 mg. The people on this group convinced me that might not be the best approach. The withdrawals would be worse. I had tapered from 60 mg/day to 10 mg/day with moderate success and only moderate withdrawals before coming here. But, at 10 mg/day for 3 weeks my withdrawals continued.

The best approach is to taper down as fast as your body will allow you. You will probably have withdrawals and that part is hard to cover up. I have both a mental craving for the drug and the physical withdrawal effects, while I'm tapering down. Yesterday out of a dead sleep I jumped out of bed with all of the withdrawals hitting at once, plus an unbelievable craving to take another pill to make them go away. I fought through it. It all comes down to YOU making the choice to fight it and doing whatever it takes to control your craving. I fight my cravings and withdrawals by walking around my house.

I'll be here for a while, since I'm still taking the Percocet while I taper down and my full blown withdrawals have yet to be seen once I go to 0 mg/day. I'm not looking forward to that day, but I want to get there because then I know I've almost reached the end.

The best advice I can give you in my short stint on this forum is to read the other posts. Learn from the other people in the group who have already experienced what you are going to go through. We are all here to help one another, especially during the hard times. Let people know how you are doing, what your thoughts are and ask questions.

Welcome to the group!!