Thanks Secrets for seeing how I am(not too good as it happens but read on).
I am really struggling at the moment and its affecting most things around me right now. My addictions are raging big time , and this site is the only thing that is giving me any positive link ups. Cant wait for my husband to go back to work on Monday as having him home all day is bad for both of us. His idea of a good valentine is buying me a bag.......though maybe he thinks thats what will make me happy at the moment. My head is spinning and I cant seem to get straight . Its soooo hard to tackle all this when you havent just got yourself to think about. Where to start? I am trying to pysch myself up for the beginning of next week so as to try and go in the right direction. Have booked an appointment to see my drug counsellor for Tues though usually hes pretty lame (but heh,anything worth a go right peeps?). In all honesty Im really worn out and feeling pretty crap,but seeing as Ive joined this site it would be lovely to one day post a message to others bout how to do it. I REALLY admire (and envy) all of yous who are like angels to the rest of us with your courage and advice. I will send you all big love in my prayers tonight.
So very sorry that this has been a bit lame and self piting but working on the principal that sometimes its better to get it out than hold it in.
Keep going all of you and remember that God made all of yous for a reason.
Thanking you.......Lugar XXXX
Secrets....thanks for your good wishes and advice,you are an angel and this site is lucky to have you onboard.
Lugar....after reading your post I had to respond. I wasn't going to post until I was over the flu, but after reading your post just had to. The last two months have been *#*#*#, I came to the decision that my long acting oxycotin was not working doe me helping my pain. I take norco even though I have been taking it so long it works great in controling my pain. But ....I was taking more then the 6 per day I am allowed, so to make a long story short I am weening very slowly now to get to 6 per day. Last week I weened to fast and I had major withdrawl's for several days. I do need at least 6 per day because I slipped and fell several years ago, now have a pinned femur, neck, dics, fibro. Ect problems. I would have never stopped the oxycotin, but it just didn't help my pain. So now I know I must also make this change with my norco to only take six per day. It is horrible just tappering, so now I am tappering even slower so I won't be miserable. I found these boards recently and can't put my blackberry down. All of you have changed my day to day life, can you believe for the past several years I thought I was all alone. Now I see there are many with my struggles. You are so strong and should be proud of yourself, Sometimes only others can see our hard work and progress that is me I see yours. I wanted to tell you how much it has helped me today to read your post, and see your courge in posting your real emotions and pain through this difficult. You have given me hope today, and have made my struggles easier. Stay strong never give up on your goals. What matters is that we do our best TODAY to reach our goals, our best is all we can hope for.
Lugar22 - the encouragement of this board and the answers they provided me helped me get over my Oxycodone dependency. I have to admit that I also had a good support group at home from my wife and even my teenage son. No matter where you find the support, use it. We all know what you are going through. I am 10 days clean now, but I still come here for support, plus I have a list of hot line phone numbers I can call 24 hours a day if I need immediate help to talk to someone. Look on line and you can find them. During my tapering my head spun like a top!! I couldn't think, I couldn't work, I would get agitated at the simplest of things, even when people were trying to help me. It was the drug doing it trying to push the help away. When I would get really bad, I would let my wife know how I felt and I would go into the other room. She would give me my space until I felt like I was back in control and I would thank her for listening to me and helping me. We're here for you!!
Just an addition to what I wrote last night........Its 10 am ish and Ive not as yet gone out for my morning gear. I dont wont too and hubby has said hes gonna try a day off with me too. I have split my methadone dose in two and taken some a little while ago with the idea that I can take the rest before bed in order to get some sleep tonight. Im so very nervous/worried/scared/excited as its been too long since I just tried to stick to my prescribed stuff without buying on top. I REALLY wont to get through today and then think about tomorrow when it comes. What to do with myself though? You know it does my head in that Im not sick or got WDs but I feel at a loss without my normal everyday rituals. To others that dont understand that would seem crazy (and it probably is a bit!) but its good to know that I can post this and someone out there will know exactly what I mean.
So any ideas as to how to get through today?? maybe today will be day one of my recovery.....heres hoping.
Nice to meet you and happy to see you ready to give it a try. I so understood when I read being at a loss as to what to do when the day is not centered around a drug. As I tapered off Oxycodone and then xanax, I also had times when I would find myself standing stock still and trying to figure out what I could be doing or should be doing. It was hard figuring out how to get back into the normal routine of life. I had let my husband shoulder all the responsibilities of the household while I lived in a stupor. How did I find my way back into what I used to be before?
Well, I started by picking up a broom and sweeping the floor. Hadn't done that for years. Mindless task really, but comforting. It was something a lot more useful than laying in the bed. I wiped counters, folded laundry, swept the front and back porches. Quite honestly it exhausted me during withdrawal, but it helped my nrain start to think again, helped me feel like I had accomplished something useful.
I also started forcing myself to get outside... even if I just stood on the porch or went to get the mail. I made myself notice my surroundings. I didn't care at that point about my surroundings, but I made myself notice details... the lawn needed raking, some crocus were peeking out of the ground, the steps had a crack in them. I had to start looking at my environment again and become familiar with it again if I ever wanted to be part of it again.
So that is how I started to find what to do with the time I now had not in a stupor. It comes with practice and time but does eventually become our reality again, just likie it was before drugs took control. And maybe that is what it really is... baby steps to taking back control of our life. Learning to care again about ourselves and our place in our own world.
The whole tapering process was a huge time of learning for me all about who I was, who I wanted to be, how I could find my way into light and happiness again. I was a walking dead woman for too long... I am part of life again. My own life and the excitement of sharing, really sharing, in others' lives again is truly a joy to me. It can be for you, also, and I wish you only the best as you persue it for yourself. You are worthy of it.. claim it for yourself.
Thanks for posting an update over the weekend!! Man.. I really need to get a computer at home..
Well, first and foremost.... great job taking only what your prescribed amounts are. On the flip side... your boyfriend getting you a bag for a valentine is just not going to work if you are trying to get yourself cleaned up. I think you realize that though! You should be asking him... Did you forget what ROMANCE is buddy?? hahhahaha
Trying to figure out what to do with yourself when your normal "ritual" is not happening was soooo difficult for me. Seriously.. All I wanted to do was sleep because I was so depressed. My poor husband.... anyways... when I finally made myself snap out of that I too started doing house work (which I hate doing) My husband and i played board games... I had to keep busy. Sitting there just watching tv was NOT working for me.. It only gave me time to pay full attention to my cravings... It was miserable. I still have times when bordom strikes and I want to scream at the top of my lungs!!! Getting out and experiencing life is important!!! We need to prove to our self we can have fun with out using... I still struggle at times with that to be honest. Over the weekend I realized this road is going to be a lot longer and harder than I anticipated.
We are all here to support you and show you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.. sometimes we fall but it's important to pick ourself back up. You can do this! You have a lot in your life to be thankful for..... it's time to start noticing it to the fullest!
I want the best for you and am so glad you are on the board!!!!! I have been thinking a lot about you!