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Old 02-25-2009, 02:36 PM   #1
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1Rodfan HB User
need some encouragement

Hi guys hope this message finds you all trying to stay strong! I go for inpatient detox in 2 weeks I contacted AA online as you suggested and the director actually called me back. He suggested that I go to the ER and not wait. My boyfriend whom I live with just seems to think I can put it down and call it a day. He does not understand the disease of addiction nor do I think he cares. He says if the hosp will keep me for 3 days why cant I stay here for 3 days to detox!!! There is a chance I could go into seizures and I carry heart disease. Not a good combo. This 47 year old man says he loves me but he does not get my issues! When I get through detox from alcohol I think I need to be alone somehow~someway to find myself again. I need to be comfortable in my own skin and become the grown 46 year old woman that I am~or will be. I am scared to go to the ER this is sudden, any words of inspiration?
Thanks to all of you,
Linda (1RODFAN)

 
Old 02-25-2009, 03:37 PM   #2
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mike s HB User
Re: need some encouragement

Hi Linda Girl ! That lousy booze can sure beat us up. Not knowing your daily intake it's hard to say which way to go but it sounds like it might be substantial. The sooner the better for detox. because who knows what could happen in two weeks but a medical detox is the way to go if possible. Do you have a treatment plan after detox ? It sounds like your man doesn't understand how serious this is & might not be reliable in aiding your detox. It can be horrible. I've had to sit in my living rm. shaking & seeing/hearing things that weren't there. If your only option is to wait 2 wks. would you be able to
" maintenance " drink to keep the wds at bay until entering detox ?This is where you only have a limited amount & being safe by staying at home & no driving. Obviously I'm not a professional & this is a real risky area. You see I couldn't do this. I have just one & there's no stopping me until I pass out. Is there anyway you could push the detox up ? What has been your daily intake ? Please seek professional / medical advice. Your life & sanity depends on this. This can be dangerous. I've been there many times & it's horrific. I'm here for you if there's anything I can do or just talk. You can always private message me if you want. Please put everything you have in this. You're worth it ! Your Friend Mike S

 
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Old 02-26-2009, 01:27 AM   #3
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Re: need some encouragement

Morning Linda. I know it feels scary to be facing this suddenly but please aim for as high as you can. I totally get the partner thing.....its so hard when your live-in other half cantg appreciate what you're attempting. I think that its a hard choice to make to find some alone time once detox is over , but its probably just what you need. My situation is similar in that my live - in is not very supportive......but then,he's an addict too and misery does love a bit of company. I know he loves me but I dont think he's arrived at the same place of wanting to quit that I am at. It all makes for a very messy affair.
Do you have any family/friends that could offer you a bed to stay with for a while? If not,could he leave and find somewhere to go?
Mike is so spot on when he says its wise to have medical assistance with WDs from alcohol. They can be pretty nasty.....and all the help you can get would be advisable.
Linda.......stay strong and know that we are here for you. Let me know what you decide to do and know that Im sooo proud of you for taking this step. Its what you need to get your life going where it should be.
repect my friend.......CC

 
Old 02-26-2009, 04:49 AM   #4
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Re: need some encouragement

This message goes out to CC & Mike! Thank you so much for replying. CC as far as staying with someone~maybe but then I come home to what? Tommy not understanding and thinking I have been elsewhere. He is a very jealous person though I have given him no reason in the 2 years we've been together, just the way he is. I know I have to take care of myself first & foremost, we shall see what happens. My daughter and grandson Gabriel are my life and I want to around for them. I am sorry you live with an addict. Tommy drinks also and does valium but only on the weekends when he is off work. He thinks I should be able to do the same but I cannot! I can't hold a job yet~but I will! I can't be a productive woman~but I will! I want this so so bad and it is time for me to save my life. Mike, I know medical detox is necessary and I have made arrangements. I drink anywhere from 8-12 beers everyday, if I have liquor I have drinks mainly whiskey n ginger ale. Sometimes I mix them both, not good. Tommy is my enabler I know this for he buys it for me because I cannot hold a job because of my illness. He does not understand this probably because he chooses not to. I used to be this vibrant woman who had the world by the hand~now the only thing I hold in my hand these days is a drink. I am so sad But I will prevail and get through this day by day even if it takes me leaving T although I love him with all my heart and my heart is big! Thank you guys for being here for me means the world.
As always,
1RODFAN

 
Old 02-26-2009, 07:48 AM   #5
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Secrets1983 HB User
Re: need some encouragement

Linda,

Somehow I just am reading this now.

I think you are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself. If your partner is not supportive than take your focus away from him (i know easier said than done) You need to do this to you. Like you said yourself, you need to somehow find yourself again and maybe you can't do that with him around.

You have a lot of strength and instead of looking for inspiration I believe you just became one.

You will be in my heart and on my mind! Good luck sweetie.
__________________
~Secrets

 
Old 02-27-2009, 02:20 PM   #6
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1Rodfan HB User
Re: need some encouragement

My heart goes out to you all who have responeded to me! Secrets your words at the end made me breakdown. I want to find myself and become the woman that I once was. Thank you~all of you for giving me strength and courage to face my demons. I WILL carry through with this for I do not want to die.I want to LIVE and watch my grandson Gabriel grow and prosper! My daughter and grandson are my life and I want to be the best for them. Brooke (daughter) understands because she has lived it before, she is 21 and knows her mom is sick. They are my strength and you guys are outstanding! I am so sorry we are all going through this wicked thing but at least we have each other~it is called understanding and not judging. Please know that all of you are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish everyone to be well again, for I know at once we all were!
Thinking of you all,
As always,
!RODFAN (Linda)

 
Old 02-27-2009, 02:31 PM   #7
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Secrets1983 HB User
Re: need some encouragement

Hey Linda,

Well, everything I said... I MEANT! You sound very strong right now and that makes me happy!

You can do this. It sounds like you have a LOT to live for and to be thankful for. What blessings.

My wish for you is that you have a peaceful weekend and you keep building up that strength inside of you because this will be a battle but I believe in you friend. I am here to hold your hand and help wipe your tears if it comes to that. (figuratively speaking unfortunetly)

You take care! XOXOXOOXOX
__________________
~Secrets

 
Old 02-27-2009, 03:12 PM   #8
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Lugar22 HB User
Re: need some encouragement

Hello Linda,sweetie! Im so very sorry as i meant to post to you yesterday to see how things were rolling with you but I've been having a rough time. Its sad to think we both live with people who enable us in one way or another yet we care for them deeply. Its nice (for me) that someone knows exactly the hard choices Im facing because you're facing those same hard decisions. Dealing with an addiction is hard enough without all this excess baggage. Im here for you,my friend!
Was sooooo pleased that you sound stronger in your last couple posts. Makes me feel like you seem to be preparing yourself for the journey ahead.....and we will need to do this if we are not to falter and fail. We CAN do this Linda. We deserve to be the women we once were....instead of just allowing a ***** to shine through every now and then. Our children deserve to have us as we should be. Im glad that your daughter is supportive.....when you look at her , be proud that you were able to produce such a wonderful being. Be proud of yourself also that you gave her the foundations to be a loving mother herself.....thats an awesome gift.
Let me know how you're getting on.
with love.......CC xoxoxox

 
Old 02-28-2009, 03:05 AM   #9
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1Rodfan HB User
Re: need some encouragement

Good morning CC and secrets it's almost 6:00 am and I can't sleep. Thank you both for inspiring me. I am having a cup of coffee and I really needed to post to you guys. I hope this day will find you guys well. I prayed for strength and courage before I went to sleep lastnight for everyone. When I pray I do pray for strength and guidance and the health and well being of my family. I don't know who I would turn to if I didn't have your support! From the bottom of my heart "I THANK YOU". I am trying to be positive~really hard for I know what lies ahead has got to be better than what lies beneath. I think if I can stop the screaming in my head I'll get through! I do not know if you guys know what I mean, maybe you do. I have alot of issues to deal with as I am sure everyone does, some can just deal with it better than others.
I'm gonna go for now and once again thank you guys so much for inspiration!

As always,
1RODFAN (Linda)

 
Old 02-28-2009, 09:45 AM   #10
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crocheting HB User
Smile Re: need some encouragement

I sure hope you having a good day. It takes a strong person to admit they have to make life changes. I am happy you are on the boards to get the support you need. I am so sorry to hear that your partner isn't very supportive. You know you can come here and get support anytime you need to, I sure do. Your going to a recovering program Mon., that is probably going to help you so much! I hope you are able to keep us updated on how your doing. I will be thinking of you and including everyone in my prayers.
Good Luck, Crocheting

 
Old 02-28-2009, 10:52 AM   #11
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1Rodfan HB User
Re: need some encouragement

Good aftenoon to you guys~hope this mail finds you all OK! My day not so good. I go in for treatment on the 13th of March for 3 days then AA after. Tommy is already messed up (drinking) and I have had a few plus I have a family function @3:30 this afternoon! Don't think I will make it, breaks my heart I can't do this anymore, as I type this I am crying. Please God help me and please continue to send your strength my friends . I know everyone here needs it and I pray continuously.
As always,1RODFAN

 
Old 02-28-2009, 11:16 AM   #12
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crocheting HB User
Talking Re: need some encouragement

Ahhh please don't cry, unless it helps of course. Remember your not alone, we are all here for you. I am sorry your partner is drinking. I have dealt with a partner who continued to drink after I got sober been about 10 years now I was a heavy drinker even drank alone. It was a very hard moment in my life. Hard enough without the support of a partner, then when they drink right in front of you...well for me it was a million different emotions. I am sad that you won't be attending the party you mentioned. Well know your not alone we are here for you, post as often as you need to.
Sending you a BIG HUG friend,
Crocheting

 
Old 02-28-2009, 12:19 PM   #13
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Re: need some encouragement

Hey Crocheting Thank you for taking the time to reply! I cry alot these days for I am very unhappy. I have alot of things built up inside me that I do not know what to do with. When I lived with my sister Sami (God rest her soul) we had a 25 acre farm and I would just go outside and scream and cry and no one would hear me. Now I live in the city and I would probably be arrested for doing so!!!! I hope your day is going okay Thank you for thinking of me. I will deal with Tommy as soon as I get well or I will not~I have to think of ME first, I know this. Men suck sometimes most of the time!!!!!
Linda

 
Old 02-28-2009, 03:02 PM   #14
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Smile Re: need some encouragement

Sometimes we do have to put us first! And as mother's that can be hard to do even with our partner's. You sound like a very strong person who is determined to get yourself well. After I stopped drinking, the first thing I realized is I just lost my best friend, the bottle! My relationship was never the same after that. I just didn't love my partner the same way anymore. And of course the mother in me just wanted to fix him too. That did not work at all. Shortly after I stopped drinking, I ended my six year relationship, it was very painful because I still loved him but in a different way. It was like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of me. He just got real nasty towards me when I quit drinking. It really took a shot at his self esteem, the better I got the meaner he got. You are doing a great job, don't allow anyone to come between you and sobriety!
crocheting

 
Old 02-28-2009, 11:22 PM   #15
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Secrets1983 HB User
Re: need some encouragement

Hey my friend,

How are you holding up? Have not heard from you for a couple of days and you have been on my mind! The screaming in the head thing... TOTALLY GET IT. I swear if people ever head the things that go on inside of this head they would fall over dead on the spot.

I am sorry to hear that your man is not being supportive... That makes the war a lot harder to fight and CC knows that best so I am glad you two have eachother to talk to about that. She is so loving and supportive as well and I think you two will have lots to talk about in the days to come about your situations.

I am so proud of you for booking the medical detox.. SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU.

I am on the verge of a slip... Trying to hang on.. The screaming in my head is getting louder and louder so thank you for sharing that you deal with that too... At least it made me feel not so alone.

I care for you and I am so happy you are making good choices for yourself. You should be proud of what you have created in your life.. Your daughter and the beautiful grandchild.. it all started with you. Give yourself some credit. I know it's easy to be hard on ourselves but you have helped a lot of us on here.. So thank you for that. Please post an update when you can.

Sending you much love!
__________________
~Secrets

 
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