Just wanted to vent a little bit. I am craving like a wild woman right now.... I am meeting my best girlfriend for dinner tonight and usually for events like this... I would make sure I had enough pills to keep me "happy"....Now, I have no energy... I don't feel I will be as fun. I just don't know.. I more so just wanted to get this all off my chest. SO thank you for letting me get it all out......
It's days like this that I am so disappointed in myself for becoming an addict. I used to be so carefree, so energetic.. Look what I have done to myself. Today is another day though that I need to pick myself up and focus on the positive. I hope all my buddies out there are doing okay and are having a blessing of a sober day!
Hey sweetie......justed posted out to you under my thread,so have a gander at that too please. You know you can always come here and vent a little or a lot(depending on circumstance). You said that you're frustrated that you no longer the life and soul of the party......you still are, you know, you just need to find it within you again. You're a fantastic person....dont need anything artificial to make you seem interesting. Just be you.....often I feel like not going to those sort of things but once I get there its all cool. Bet you'll be the same. If she's a good friend,she'll be there for you no matter how you are.Dont worry,my friend,it'll be Ok .
I think all of us have moments (a lot!!!) where we are disappointed that we became addicts but,matey, a bit of hindsight is a wonderful thing. If only we knew then what we knew now.....it would never of happened. BUT today is a brand new day and we can all move forward. You are rolling!!!
If I dont post you again today,have a great time tonight and realise that you deserve a bit of fun......you've earned it.
Take care,............CC xoxox
THank you so much for responding.. You always seem to know just what to say to ease my mind and heart! Thank you so much. You have no idea how much you help me.
My girlfriend who I am meeting tonight is my best friend and I know she has noticed the change in me.. She has seen the depression set it and that is why she is coming.... She is worried and wants to see what the heck is going on. She knows about my struggles at home with my hubby not having a job and that we are in financial turmoil which is nuts considering what I do for a living.... He has been sleeping all day, hardly looking for a job.. I am ready to have a full fledge nervous breakdown.. Of course no one knows of the addiction that I am fighting which just amplifies the rest of life's problems. You guys have been so great and supportive so thank you very much for that.
Tonight will be good for me and you are right.. Once a person gets there it is always better than expected.
My noodle is doing better... My shoulders, back and neck are really sore still but I am a tough chick so I will deal with it.... Thanks for your concern! You are so sweet.
The cravings I will fight.. Luckily I have no access to any pills.... THANK GOD for that... That is why I did not go to the Dr. because I know they would have given me some and i knew I would not have the strength to say NO. So that is that... Thanks for everything CC...
just wanted to say i know what it feels like to miss the "old Me". my group support kept saying that in time my childish energy would come back, my mood would lift, i would enjoy the simple thigs again. i thought maybe for them but never again for me, i am to broke. well low and behold 10 months wit h out a pill and the fog is starting to clear. joy is sneaking in every day. i dont have a panny to my name, no job and a have pain all the time. but even with all that i feel free. peace and hope take up a much bigger part of my day. i know that is what is going to happen to you too! your on the right path and you have a big heart. you can be happy even when everything around seems crappy.
have fun tonight!
Hey Secrets!! Just a quick note in between going daffy with everything going on. I'm telling ya... Get robbed to get you mind off of the cravings!!! I've been to court twice this week sticking it to the little b@stards. I haven't had any cravings since then (well, actually a few, but very minor). Last night was the first time since mid-December (!!!!) that I have not had any withdrawal symptoms (the extremely annoying abdominal spasms being the last to go). Hang in there, stay busy and think of all of us when the cravings get bad. You'll feel our energy helping you to get thru it. Woooogaa Wooogaaaa Woooga (That's our energy going out to ya). I've been so busy, I even forgot what day I'm on. I'm doing good and I'm going to need your support again one of these days when things slow down. You can do it girl!! We ALL can do it!!!
Morning mate....how did it go last night? I joined in with Denons woooga woooga positive energy thing (hubby REALLY thought Id lost my mind!) so hope it helped!!!
I really sympathise with your hubby not working.....I was in the same boat for quite a while with my other half and eventually I broke. Told him I couldnt take the stress of having all the financial burden on me. It gradually sunk in and as of next week he's been back at work a year. Now he says that he could never not work as its given him back some of that macho dignity thing. I hope that your hubby does the same for you...especially if money is tight. Do you think hes lost his confidence in the workplace? Or is he just butt lazy?
Tell him how much stress its putting on you and hopefully he'll begin to see the light. He needs to find some self worth.
Let me know how its going,
Denon, it was so great hearing from you! I am so happy that you are really socking it to those slime bags! WOOHOOO! We are rooting for you. SO happy to hear your cravings have been minimal!!!! That makes me very happy!
Derlinda, Thank you for your inspiring story! It was so great to hear that even thru hard ships you are still finding true happiness! That is so great and I am so very happy for you! What a blessing. I so looking forward to when that day comes for me! SO thank you so much for sharing that.
And CC, last but certainly NOT least.... I had a nice time last night. It was great to have the support and love from my girlfriend right there with me. Some tears were shed over dinner.... but I think they needed to be. She told me a lot of things that I was already thinking.... It was nice to spend the time with her. As for my husband. He has been out of work for about 5 months now.... It is ruining us financially. I barely have money for groceries... I am juggling bills.. I have expressed to him how stressful this has become for me.. He went out job searching for a total of 4 hours in the last 5 months.... He stays up all night playing his Playstation 3. Then sleeps all day and cleans the house before I get home so I don't blow my top. He knows the Dr. has has to double my doseage on my celexa (depression and anxiety med) and add klonopin twice a day because I am having panic attacks. I am at a breaking point and he just seems unmotivated and states that because our economy is bad... everyone is losing their jobs and looking and that is why he can't find one. There is an excuse for everything. Then.... everytime I bring it up he gets all upset and says he doesn't want to talk about it. So I feel very alone in this. All I have been doing is working and then going home and sleeping.. It's pretty pathetic.. I am 25 years old and living the best years of my life but I am miserable.. Something is wrong with this picture.. I love this man more than life but it's hurtful that he does not see me falling apart and that is not enough to spur him..... TO GET A JOB. Anyways... With all that stress it makes it harder to deal with my addiction.. It makes me crave so much worse... I am will be fine though! It was just nice to vent. I hope things are going okay for you CC today! Let me know in your other thread....
Thanks for listening. Man, I write a lot.. Your eyeballs are all ready to fall out!!! hahaha
I don't know what it is about this time of day.... but usually starting around 3 every afternoon I have REALLY bad cravings.. SO I have started to save my paper work until then to distract myself. Well, now I did it all already.. The cravings are so severe.. I am sucking on some candy... I cleaned my desk from top to bottom.. It just shines.. I dusted the entire lobby, scoured the bathroom here (we have a cleaner) and vacuumed the entire main floor. My boss was looking at me like I had gone crazy.. I just told him I had some nervous energy to work off and he said.. "well, you know I pay someone to do all that.. It certainly is not in your job discription" I said.. "I know but you just should consider it extra credit and remember it at review time" then I laughed and he laughed and said only you would do this....
SO.. that is my vent.... Thanks for letting me jabber again.
Hey,poppit - I wish you could hop on a plane and work some of that nervous energy off in my boys room!!! As there only 4 & 6,I dread the teenager years.
It sucks that the cravings are so bad for you right now. You're doing the best thing by keeping busy though......it just helps past the time otherwise cravings seem to make the day crawl by. Maybe you'll get a raise?!
Mate,I truely wish i could wave a magic wand and get that hubby of yours off his butt. It sounds like you've said all the right things to try and motivate him , but at the end of the day its him thats gotta get up and do it. Try talking to him again this w/e and say that ANY job would be a start. I know that in the current climate work can be hard to find.....but sometimes you just have to go for anything and everything. I know YOU know this , but give it one more try to make him see how much pressure this is putting you under.
If you're not straight then resentment will only build up and that is never a good thing. I know this is hard,sweetie, but i really worry bout how hard home is getting for you and its best to try and sort it out. You say you're headed for a breakdown.......please dont let it get that far. It'll be easier to say a few hard words than end up like that. Secrets,hun,this is only my opinion and Im here no matter what you do. I just want to look after you as a friend.
I will miss you over the w/e and hope that you have a good one. Talk to you Monday morn as I'll want to know how you are.
love as always
When you're done with CC's kids rooms, you can start on my boy's room. Only way I could tell his room was robbed was because a dresser drawer was on the floor and it was slightly messier. :-(
I'm not even going to get started on deadbeat parents that don't work together as a family and share the support and other family tasks together. Out of the last 40 years, I have been OUT of work for a sum total of 2 weeks. When I didn't have a steady job, I found work. There's no excuse!!
I'm going to post to the group about my night last night. Not going to post it here - Just remember that every day you fight the cravings makes you stronger and one day they will go away. Of course this is coming from someone you should be hitting with a baseball bat right now!