I wish I could have known then what I know now
I've been around drug addiction all my life. My experience is that it comes in as many different forms and for as many different reasons as there are colors on God's earth.
I have always said that, "it is not the use of the drug that's the problem, it's the abuse of the drug, that's the problem". Duh, words of profundity? I don't know?
So when does the use become abuse? I believe the answer is when you loose you. Regardless of how you began your addiction. Whether legal or street. Out of necessity, presribed or recreational. There will come a time when the You, the You, You are supposed to be, is no longer the You calling the shots and making the decisions. At this time the new "drug you" begins to call the shots and make the decisions. All predicated on WHEN and HOW he, the new drug you, will get his fix, his prescribed pill, his dose.
At this time, when your priority thought is, " is it time?,... or where's my man?", you have crossed over into a very dangerous zone. The fix, the pill, the dose, is creeping on you. It will creep right in and take over. Invited... or out of necessity, but creep he will. Most of the time you feel....you feel...you are in control. You have it where you want it. You are making the choice. This is the way you want it. You need it. The doc presribed it this way.
IT DOESN"T MATTER HOW !! What matters is that now you are not you and you are not in control of the one thing that is truely yours,.....YOU !
If you are at the point of drug use where you are "counting", stop.
You have choices and you have options to get youself back and non-dependent on drugs and medications. The decision you make about use or abuse is a matter of timing. Made to late, use creeps into abuse and you are now under the control of the drug and/or medication you've been taking.
SO,....why all this? This is and we are all on a addiction & recovery board. Most of us are dealing with or have delt with addiction and/or recovery at some point in our lives. Once an addict always an addict. Yep,...part of the deal. Once you cross it's border you can never go back again.
We know! We know how easy it was to become dependent. Most of us have been through it more than once, twice, three times? We know all the reasons, coming and going. And,....if you have been there you have a knowledge that can only be obtained one way. That knowledge is obtained by " walking through hell, pure torment for days, weeks, months and even years." Now, make the decision, because what's on the other side is better than you ever expected. But, you have to come through on the other side.
You have to begin with your decision that the way you live your addicted life is not good enough for yourself or those around you. AND/OR sad to say, there are those who will not make the decision alone and have to be pushed to their brink. Start pushing them. I wish I could have known then what I know now!
My blessings are with each and every one of you that are going through or have gone through hell. Your support while I took my walk is something that, all I can say is, it was and is invaluable, thank you. I came out on the other side because of your help and insight and my own determination to change the circumstances of my own addiction.
On the surface people have always percived of me, someone in control. Well, right now I am. The walk through hell (again) was more than worth it, and I would walk through it for you my brother and sister if I could.