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Old 05-02-2009, 08:15 AM   #1
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Question Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

Greetings,
I have been searching for weeks to try and help myself understand what is going wrong with my fiance. This post will probably be long, but when I just bust out basics it sounds so damning, I have to present a little more. This whole weakness on my part might be why I am even here.

When we met, he was still in the military and he told me that he had done a week stint in the stress ward after his first marriage fell apart, but that he was fine. And for several months he seemed to be. After he found out that he would be leaving the Military because of the fall out from that treatment (lost clearances) a little over a year and a half ago, he began smoking marijuana heavily, even though he was still in the service and has continued to to this day. He has a strange reaction to smoking. He gets very active, and doesn't like to sit around. He also wants to go someplace, do something... I wish he were that active when he isn't smoking because he doesn't really want to do anything unless he is high.

He used to get crabby when he didn't have any weed, but could make it a couple of days. His mood swings became troubling, deeper more severe and more often. He is only happy if he is stoned and hanging out with his friends. Very rarely is he happy at home anymore. He swears the weed calms him mentally and allows him to work and focus.

He cannot or will not get a job-
He has highly sought after skills, but refuses to work. He used every last week of unemployment benefits, worked for six weeks, flew into one of his increasingly harsh rages at home and called in, then went to a bar with his friends and got fired and hasn't worked in four months nor looked for a job because- He says if my 19 year old son that lives with me isn't working, why should he?
I began to wonder if he was depressed and got him to start counseling. Then he started making friends that were "depressed like him that he could talk to" and we were suffering though the evaluation process leading up to medication perhaps to take the place of self medicating with weed. I thought that was a good thing, but see below.

He lies-
He has spent several weeks pretending he wasn't smokng, but would have to go someplace to "get away from the house because he feels isolated" and then come back all red eyed and scattered several hours to even sometimes a day later. There was always some reason he couldn't come home at first, then he began to throw these cyclic fits (right on or day after my payday) And have to "go for the weekend". there was money missing all the time and then things like power tools would dissapear and he would blame someone that must have looked in the shed... etc. I have never had the heart to search every pawn shop in town.
I recently had to buy his 400.00 surround sound system back from the D man for 60.00 because he owed him money. It is mine now, by the way, not his. I wouldn't give it back. He has pawned his computer twice always saying it's for a bus ticket- but the first stop he makes is to the D man. He loves to buy big and give it away. I paid the pawn ticket the first time, and he sold it again a week later. I am not buying it back this time. I had stopped giving him any money after I caught him at the ATM inside th gas station. He went into to get smokes with my ATM card and watched him try to pocket 20 bucks. Then he flew into a rage when he got caught and literally stayed at his D man's house. No joke.

He has become more verbally abusive and down right nasty and personal which is hard enough. Then he'll threaten to leave me, call me names and always show back up two days later swearing he is going to quit smoking, and get his counseling on track. Has not happened yet)
he told me off and on sometimes
Here's the thing- Every friend he has either sells or buys or weed or pills. Not one doesn't. All of his legitimately depressed friends have given him xanax, vicodin, etc. I found out because one told me she did after one of his bizarre rages.
Three nights ago after a particularly nasty excalation that involved the police. I told him that it was time for him to to gome and see his family out of state for a while. The next thing I know he's dramatically tossing back a bottle of 600Mg Ibuprofen and two bottles of antibiotics with a giant glass of rum and claimed he was chasing it with bleach and water. I had to have his involutarily evaluated and we all thought it would be the best thing for him and it was his cry for help.
While in the hospital his entire demeanor changed. He was "weak" and submissive and figity. But it was all about him. He told the Psyciatrist he was extremely anxious but down played his rages. They prescribed him .5 Mg of Xanax and let him go that evening because he told them he was going to long term evaluation at the clinic that he had actaually closed his file with a month before.
During the drive home he kept telling me that those pills had very little value- only a dollar and he wouldn't sell them, don't worry. And it all clicked together for me. There is a person that he spends way too much time with that is legally prescribed xanax. He rarely has money but my change is always missing. I am not kidding, straight out of my pockets in the morning missing) The first thing he did when he got home was go to her house and show her the script then "borrow" one from her since they were the same. Then he laid on the couch all night and the next day, talking about how no one cared about him, he had almost died... etc.
The Psychiatrist told him DO NOT smoke week and take these together before he was discharged.
He refused to take the xanax I picked up at the pharmacy for him at (8:00 AM) all day, then took a friend to buy weed in the afternoon and had to make an "unexpected" trip to the neighbor's house. He didn't take his prescription bottle with him, and out of some attempt to believe he wants help I didn't count them. He was gone for several hours, called all slurry once or twice and always said, they are smoking, I'm not. He came home late and flew straight into a rage even after stating he had taken his med finally and a replacement pill or two over for the neighbor. (OMG)

He rages very, very easily, has never acted like he did when the nurses were listening to him on the phone or there was someone there while he was in the hospital and we all wonder if this was a ploy (God help me I feel so guilty but writing this down has made me see some ugly things) to get cheap pills, not help. What is the potential for an interaction like this with continued Xanax abuse and mixing it with weed?
Should someone that was supposedly told after an hours worth of questions that they are probably bi-polar (his words, not the Docs. I never got to talk to her) be given a month's worth of Xanax without an anti depressant and actual follow up confirmed? And for God's sake why is he so obsexxively raging just like Snap! Wham Scream! ?
Alanon heled me understand my reaction to him, and that might be why I sound callous. He wouldn't get help and I couldn't find it in my heart to toss him out because I know what he was once like. So I started going. that's when I stopped the money. Stopped reacting to him when he started picking on me ( as best I could) and he started on my older son the other day.

It seems to come down to knowing that losing all of us will not be his bottom, but what in the world is wrong with him? And how am I supposed to be happy they let him out, and gave him pills like that? I hoped he would have to be contained long enough for real withdrawl to start so they would see it, and he would have to recognize it. His actual blood work won't be back for a week so I though they would hold him that long for evaluation at least.
I am so sad and frustrated. Help.
And thanks for sticking to the end if you are reading this line.

 
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Old 05-02-2009, 09:45 AM   #2
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Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

Well, I read your message all the way to the end and all I can say is--RUN, RUN LIKE THE WIND. Some day, if he gets clean, he will be worth being involved with. Right now it's pretty obvious he couldn't care less about you and your sons.

 
Old 05-02-2009, 05:58 PM   #3
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hopefulgurl HB User
Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

He got on a bus today about four hours after I wrote this.
I have worked hard to stop enabling him, and to not be an idiot and he didn't seem to like it very much. Either way, he borrowed money from our landlord and his family helped me buy him a nonrefundable one way ticket. I feel guilty because I know what they have in store for them.

The mixture of relief and sadness is overwhelming. I know that he manipulated my dislike of personal failure and that it is still creeping around the back of my eyelids (the Mom in me, maybe) that I could have done something else, but I know in my rational mind that I couldn't. Why can't people that are so wrapped up in themselves and their addictions see how badly they hurt us, those around them that love them through thick and thin until there is just nothing left? Someday I wish I could be as self centered as he is so I could have kicked him to the curb at the first sign of trouble.
Either way, thak you for your response.

 
Old 05-02-2009, 07:16 PM   #4
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Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

I read it to the end too, and I say "Run like the wind"! You can't help this man, you don't even know this man. Do not expose your children, or yourself to this man. His problems are way bigger than you can handle. Change the locks, move, whatever it takes to get this man as far away as possible. He's a petty thief, a druggie, and a loser.

Hate to come off that harsh, but you really need a wake up call, sweetheart. I want the best for you, and your kids. He isn't that.

 
Old 05-02-2009, 07:53 PM   #5
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emsmom HB User
Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

I've read it all the way to the end as well and I say "Run like the wind!"

I agree with writeleft - Do not explose your children to him anymore. He's a petty thief, a druggie, and a loser. You deserve to be happy - Will you be happy with this man?

Hope you have a great weekend,
emsmom

 
Old 08-24-2009, 12:35 PM   #6
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readerroz HB User
Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

I'm certainly in no position to make a diagnosis, but if he saw combat, it sure sounds like PTSD to me. The VA hospitals have the most experience in treating this, rather than local mental health facilities.

I do hope you can find some peace.

 
Old 08-24-2009, 02:10 PM   #7
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Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

Wow, hopeful,
You have been through the ringer....I know everyone has said run, run, run and I agree and it is good that he left, but it's more complicated than that...as I'm sure you know having lived with him as long as you have (how long?). Having worked in the field of DV (domestic violence), this man is a batterer, pure and simple. He may not have physically abused you (yet), but the verbal, psychological and emotional is just as bad if not worse sometimes. It sounds like he's on the DV spectrum and it's just getting worse and worse, more severe. My worry is that what if he comes back, calls, apologized profusely, says he'll get counseling, brings you roses, jewelry, tells you how much he loves you, tells you it's not his fault, he has a disease...or whatever....that honeymoon stage is why many, many women return. And, it's perfectly understandable as I'm sure there are times he's a sweet, kind, loving person like he once was. But, it's a cycle and you know when the stress builds, when the drugs are gone, when the last straw falls, he'll be right back in the rage, the anger, and god forbid hurting you or your son.
He needs much more professional help than you can ever provide. You can not save or fix him. You've done what you can and need to let him go and it's ok to have mixed feelings and it's ok to still love him but you have to love yourself and your child more. Please try to be strong if he asks to return....there are services in every community for domestic violence survivors, groups, classes, etc. Maybe you can connect with one of them.
It is very, very typical, just like you described, how he can, with the snap of a finger, turn into a vulnerable, weak, passive, sorry individual at the hospital, with the police, with the counselor. Make it look like HE is the victim. They are PROS at that. Usually in the community someone can "know" him and wouldn't ever imagine that XX is a mean, angry guy. They have lots of charisma and charm in front of others, masters of manipulation, can make you feel like YOU are the crazy one....You are NOT! I'm so glad you came to this board for advice.
As for your question about why addicts are so self-centered, manipulative, etc.? It's the nature of the disease. Our brains tell us we don't have a disease, we just need this one last drug, smoke, drink and all will be ok. He clearly is an addict but I belive he had LOTS more psychological stuff going on as well.
Stay strong, don't be afraid of asking for help. On line or in person. You are a wonderful, strong, kind, loving woman. Keep telling yourself that!

Take good care,
KEW

 
Old 08-25-2009, 09:03 AM   #8
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Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

Wow. I've been sorta where you are. Mine was a drunk though. Booze and pain pills. Everything was my fault and nothing I ever did was good enough and he was so damaged from being in the first Desert Storm blah blah blah. The truth of the matter was he was an addict who cared for nothing but himself. Not me, not our baby son and not his older children. He was never where he said he was going to be, couldn't keep a job, didn't help around the house etc. The final straw was when I got home from work and he was there with my then two year old who had a fever of 106. The yutz was too drunk to take him to the hospital and had been making my thirteen year old step-daughter take care of the baby. That's when I realized it was him or me. I chose me. I kicked him out that week and have not let him see our son in over 4 years. He's an abuser and a drunk and has made no effort to improve his life nor will he. He has found a woman so beaten down by life that she puts up with his crap no matter what, tries to help him, fix him comfort him and is completely lost within his madness. Don't be her. Don't feel like you owe him, don't pity him to the extent that he has control over you and for God's sake, get him the hell away from your kids. You are obviously a strong and caring person to have made it this far but you need to make yourself the priority here. You deserve someone clean and sober and healthy.

 
Old 08-26-2009, 08:42 AM   #9
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hopefulgurl HB User
Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

Thanks all! I thought I would give you an update.

I stayed in contact with him after he left. In the early days I kept expecting the phone call saying he was dead or arrested, but that didn't happen. Following the advise of my couselor, I didn't send him any money, but I kept his cell phone turned on. After he got there, he quickly ran through all his old friends, and is on basically the third generation of friends of friends to stay with, but, he did get a job. It sadly was never meant to be permanent, and it's done, but through out the course of the summer, he has managed to clean himself up. It wasn't easy to watch, because he bottomed out pretty fast when he realized that all of the people he hung out with as a teen ager had grown up, gotten lives, families etc. His family did a pretty good job of helping me keep track of him during the early days. Though I have to tell you, I discovered pretty quickly that the animosity between him and his family goes both ways and there were times I thought, "no wonder he's so F***ed up."

I can't tell you he will come back, though we have discussed it. I do still love him, because I remember him before. I enjoy talking to him again because he is clear headed, even if he is lonely, and still what I consider to be transient. Unfortunately the economy in the area he went back to isn't the greatest, so a full time job that a person can support themselves with -with his skill set isn't going to be easy to find. I can't say that coming back would be better for him or not. Nor can I say it would be better for me. For the time being, we stay in contact and though it is almost like a couseling session every time we talk, he is at least talking honestly about some stuff that I never knew, and expressing himself.

I want to thank all of you. This has been the hardest six months of my life but I have learned a lot about myself in the process. There is always something good that can be taken away from anything if we focus on it, I suppose.


 
Old 08-26-2009, 08:20 PM   #10
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Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by emsmom View Post
I've read it all the way to the end as well and I say "Run like the wind!"

I agree with writeleft - Do not explose your children to him anymore. He's a petty thief, a druggie, and a loser. You deserve to be happy - Will you be happy with this man?

Hope you have a great weekend,
emsmom
You didnt read her last post. I hope YOU have a good weekend too!

Marilyn
__________________
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic

 
Old 08-27-2009, 07:33 AM   #11
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Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

Because he gave the doctors permission to speak with me regarding his treatment and I had signed a financial liability agreement, I was allowed to see his initial drug tests from when he went into the hospital. The only thing he popped for was THC. And I have it on reliable authority that other than the three he took to sleep on the bus, he sold all the Xanax. I think that was his intent all along.
He did have a traumatic incident while in the service that created a need for counseling while there. I can't get into the specifics, but I had considered the PTSD issue.

I went to several very intensive therapy sessions after he left. I am a lot stronger now. The leaving his cell on was fine. There is no way I can simply strand a person I love. The hardest thing was for him to call me crying on his birthday because no one gave him anything. Not even a card.

As for exposing my kids to him, not at this time. Not ever maybe. But the reason we come here to these boards is we all want ot believe that people can learn to make better choices, change bad behaviors and move on into the "norm" of society. I am pleased with what I have seen so far, but I am not stupid. Just because my frustrations have faded, doesnt mean I am gullible. The sad thing is, I will probably never take anything someone tells me at face value when it comes to money or emotions after this. There is error in that too. I have returned to college, and fould things to take my mind off it so much, and it is rebuilding my self esteem.
As for him, I know the difference between butter and ********, and it is refreshing to tell me something I don't want to hear instead of what he thinks I want to hear, and then we can actually conversate over it. That is such a huge change from the way it was.

I have hope for him. Not us exactly, but for him. And everyone should know they have someone that does believe in them.

 
Old 08-27-2009, 07:42 AM   #12
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Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

And on a sad note: His friend he had that helped him pawm all his stuff and get him to the bus station died in her sleep last week from an overdose of her own prescription medication and alcohol. She left three teenage daughters, and it was her youngest that found her. It doesn't always have a happy ending.

 
Old 08-28-2009, 08:16 AM   #13
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Re: Xanax (alprazolam) and Marijuana interactions?

Sounds like you have your head on about this. It is SO hard to watch someone we love struggle but it's even harder to get pulled down into their quagmire and have to struggle ourselves. It seems like you have set some boundaries are sticking to them and that's great. Not always easy to do especially when the other person's pain and need seem so huge. In the long run, it's the only thing to do though. God Bless and keep you both!
Rebecca

 
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