What to do???? - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

mawat55 · 06-24-2009, 08:23 PM

I have a stepson (27) living out on his own who we have just discovered is addicted to heroin. OMG we are devastated. My question is how soon should we tell him that we know. Do you still put gas in their car and buy cigarettes for them - even though you have made a promise to yourself that you are not going to give him any money. It's bad. Borrowed money from about every one in family. And he still thinks he is OK. Pretty upset with the hubby - gassing the car and buying the cigs. Any feedback???

NotPerky · 06-25-2009, 11:44 AM

Mawat55, I am so sorry for you. But yes, I am in the same position, and yes, I did the gas money and cigarettes too.

I knew my son (30) liked pot but had NO CLUE he was on anything else, much less heroin. He came to my house a few months ago to "chill out" and spend the weekend....he was cold and I thought maybe he had the flu....turns out he was homeless and going through withdrawal. He admitted he was on heroin and I have to say I didn't handle it very sensitively. I freaked out on him....as I was just so upset that he could have been so incredibly stupid, knowing full well the addiction potential. But anyway, over the next week, I was on the phone with various rehab facilities. He said he wanted to get off it but of course, he has no health insurance. He was able to get short-term Medicaid but opted to live in his car while working through the bureaucracy of getting it (which was two hours away from me). It was bitter cold and I was crying constantly, thinking of him freezing in his car. I admit I gave him a few pills to tide him over so he wouldn't suffer too badly. I bought him food, and gas so he could run the car for heat, but I wouldn't give him any more than 20 bucks. (He probably went and bought heroin with it though.)

He went into detox but wouldn't stay for rehab afterward. He came home with me, he is working (sort of) and I am just praying he's staying clean....but I really don't know for sure.

I'm only telling you this, not to make it about me, but to let you know I have been (and still am) where you are. I know we are not supposed to be enablers, but it's so hard to see or think of our children in pain. Even with their stupid cigarettes! I guess you and your husband will have to decide if you can take the step of demanding he get off the stuff and get help, or else. I know I will face that decision if I find out my son is using again. Does your stepson have health insurance? Also, do you know if there are any support groups for family of drug abusers in your area?

brianpain33 · 06-25-2009, 12:43 PM

You should tell him immediately although plan out what you are going to say before hand. Please don't be mad and angry and yell at him. That is the worst thing that you can do and will only make him want to use even more. Try to be understanding and say things like, "we really care about you and hate to see you hurting yourself and slowly killing yourself". "we want you to get help and are willing to do whatever it takes to help you get clean". He is the only one that can make the choice to get clean.

My mom came to me 3 weeks ago and was very concerend because I had relapsed and did not want to see me dead. I promised her that I would try very hard to get clean and stay that way. I have 24 days clean now and I am taking it on a daily process. I try not to even think very far into the future because I will get overwhelmed and want to use again. I would hate to OD and die and what it would do to my mom and other family. If he wants to change then he will but if he doesn't want to change then there is not much you can do or so to force him. good luck and keep us posted.

brian

mawat55 · 06-25-2009, 05:57 PM

No he doesn't have any insurance. He just got a job with a relative and it will be offering insurance in the near future. But he won't be able to take off work. There are also a lot of support groups in the area NA and others. There is also a place where he can detox but it will cost money. I am so worried about him. Husband is an ostrich!! And sometimes when we talk about it and I get upset he makes me feel like I'm getting all this upset because he isn't my own kid. Not true. We had a daughter (youngest) who gave us hell for 4 years with drugs - beginning with Triple Bars and ending with Meth, which was the worseToday she is the most grateful and wonderful young woman. I know what I am talking about. I know that he needs to be confronted the sooner the better. Lay down the ground rules of how we are going to deal with his addiction.

Husband did meet him tonight and gas his truck and bought him a couple pack of cigs.
Then he asks if he could have some money to wash his truck!!! The lengths they go too and still think that you don't know. It's mind boggling.

Thanks for the reply.I have read through some of the threads and you post here quite often. Thank you for that too.

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W

mawat55 · 06-25-2009, 06:06 PM

Husband went out of town for the weekend - so we won't be talking with him anytime soon. We absolutely will go to him with the attitude of help and support. Just not money.
He also lives with a girlfriend and the story is that she is worse than him. I just know that he is going to deny it. I told husband that we can't buy the lie and just start telling him what we have to offer for help. I am willing for him to come back home and I will help him detox and take care of him. Just not sure what to do about her. It's an awful situation really.

Thanks for the response to my post. I appreciate it very much.

Also, please, please stay clean for your life. Sounds like you have a wonderful mother who loves you very much. I know when my youngest daughter got clean from Meth she is an absolute joy and the person I always knew she was. I felt like God gave me a miracle by her getting clean. It can be done.
You can do it. You are worth it!!

Hugs to ya Brian