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Old 11-27-2009, 08:47 AM   #1
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perksnomore HB User
about to make life changing decision

hello all, i was a member here about 2 to 3 years and now i am back. i need support from someone and i think this is a great place to get it. little backgound info but i will make it as short as possible: after rough pregnancy , gaining lots of weight and throwing up every day for 8 months, i had c section in may2006. after recovery, i noticed some severe back pain. never had before. prescribed 5mg percocet for a bit, that doc left the state, another doc at first reluctant to put me on pain meds but i needed them. mri showed t3 t4 herniation. the pain was (is) horrible. so my primary gave me perc 7.5 3 times a day, back in 2007. after many months of PT, chiropractor, trigger point injections, facet blocks....etc....ne wanted me to be on something long acting, so MS contin was started 30mg 2 times a day. so there i was 27, 28, 2 young kids. taking pain meds, i had legit pain, so what was the big deal. well 3 a day became 5 then 6 and the most i took a day was prob about 8 of the 7.5mg perks. i always argued with myself, but they helped my pain....what could i do? what should i do? well that doctor left his practice in early 2009, i was without a doc for awhile but he post dated 3 months ahead for me! gave me time to find a doc. finally got into a pain center, put me back on same amount. i never increased the MS contin, even though i know morphine has no ceiling effect and i am totally immune to 30mg. But the point is...i take more than prescibed, bottom line. i run out i get scared, feel like crap. what ended up working was waiting to take the morphine until i ran out or the perks, then i would never hit w/d's. so yeah, this all still helps my pain, but the pills suck! i dont want to go anywhere. when i have them, i run out pretty quick and i look back over the 2 to 3 weeks of taking them and i was a lazy, lazy, person. and i cant do that to my kids! they dont deserve this. they have control of me, my life. my everything. i just went through school and am graduating with an associates degree in a heal field and i was on the pills! so i accomplished a wonderful goal and i was never a "junkie". but i am just sick of it. So last week i had appt with a new counselor. told him everything. first time i ever told anyone. i have appt with the doc dec 16th. but that means i have to pick up my scripts. i am out of both the meds right now and just taking tramadol to hold me over. they always seem to keep me out of the w/d's. but needless to say, i am scared. am i gonna have a good xmas? are my kids? am i gonna feel like crap? i cant ! I WANT THIS OVER NOW, not in few weeks. i dont know what to expect. so today is nov.27? i have until dec 16th? horrible! i have a final exam on december 8th, so important!! like my life depends on it. need some advice or someone to chat with similar experience. thanks for listening.......

 
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Old 11-27-2009, 11:22 AM   #2
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mel486 HB User
Re: about to make life changing decision

Sorry to hear about your ordeal. It is so easy to start taking the pains meds as prescribed and as our body becomes used to them, to start taking more and more to catch up. It it so typical.

I would suggest that you talk to your doctor about getting on a short term routine of suboxone to get through the w/d's in 2 weeks and another week to get off of the sub. That's 3 weeks before Christmas. Even if you're slowly tapering off of the suboxone during Christmas it should not affect your mood or how you act. It's something to consider to talk to your doctor about.

 
Old 11-27-2009, 07:51 PM   #3
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perksnomore HB User
Unhappy Re: about to make life changing decision

I guess the doc is so busy that he is booking 3 weeks out, that is whyis december 16th.. I go tomorrow to see counselor, i wonder if they can fit me in, like an emergency. I had my last perk and half yest morning, now just few tramadol, cant get my script til tuesday...just freaking out here...i just need to make it til i see doctor! and i dont know what to do... damn.

 
Old 11-27-2009, 09:37 PM   #4
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tomatoface HB User
Re: about to make life changing decision

Hi - I hope you're doing OK. You should be proud of yourself for telling the doctor everything - that's a big step!

I can totally relate to what you're going through, 'cause I'm in the same boat. Very similar situation - began taking percocet for legitimate pain - but the amount increased over the years, not because of increasing pain, but because I liked how they made me feel. (I've been taking perc for almost 15 yrs! and oxycontin too for the last 5 or so.) I feel like such a low-life going into the pharmacy to refill my scripts so often. My family knows I take them, but have no idea how much. They would be horrified! My husband is the only other person who knows the amount - he thinks I take them only for the pain.

It used to be when I took the pills, I felt happy and full of energy. But now I rarely get the euphoric feeling, and forget the energy. It seems I to nothing some days. I feel like I'm wasting my life away.

I started posting on this site about a week ago. I know I have to stop - I want to be done with the pills!! I've had lots of encouragement here. With their help, I've made a plan to taper - very slowly - 'cause I don't want to make this any harder on myself. But I'm scared too - I wish this was all over with!! How am I going to live my life without pain meds?! It's been so long! The psychological component of quitting is going to be the hardest part for me, I think. I've been dependent soooooo long.

I've started tapering - well, not really 'cause I'm maintaining the same amount - but I feel like it's a small victory to not have increased at all over the Thanksgiving holiday. Now I plan to decrease very slowly till after Christmas and New Year's Eve.

I hope you[re doing ok. I don't feel qualified to give you any advice 'cause I'm in the same boat, but I'm thinking about you! Let us know how you are making out.

P.S. What is tramadol?

 
Old 11-28-2009, 01:52 AM   #5
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digmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB User
Re: about to make life changing decision

I would think long and hard if you go the suboxone route. Whenever I am going through opiate withdrawal, I thank God for suboxone. But once I'm maintained on suboxone, I wish I had just sucked it up and gone through the much shorter (insert your opioid of choice besides methadone) withdrawal. I have been on subs for months off and on and it's proving to be all but impossible to get off of with interminable withdrawals. You might just wanna get it over with. There are lots of things that can help.

P.S. I was referring here to suboxone maintenance, not the rapid detox, which I've never been able to do successfully and stick to. That might be something to consider.

And Tomato, I thought you were already going to start your taper?! It's good you're not taking anymore, I know even that is hard to do, trust me, but what are you waiting for? Just really scared? The psychological component you fear really won't be as bad as you're making it out to be in your head. You'll have your moments, but it's not constant misery, it waxes and wanes. I think you'll feel really accomplished and proud if you start to taper, even a tiny little bit counts! That's what I'm trying to do with suboxone - a crumb less here and there, but at least it's something!

Good luck everyone! Stay in touch!

Last edited by digmusic; 11-28-2009 at 01:59 AM.

 
Old 11-28-2009, 06:14 AM   #6
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tomatoface HB User
Re: about to make life changing decision

Well I actually have lowered the amount I'm taking, it's just that I've maintained that level for longer than I need to. You're right, digmusic - it's time to drop the dosage again. I convinced myself that I needed to maintain 'cause of the holiday, but while it is stressful, I shouldn't use that as an excuse to procrastinate. Thanks for the kick in the pants - I needed that. I will drop the dosage again today. I am going to take it slowly over the upcoming holidays, though, 'cause we have A LOT of company and it's going to be hard to just maintain the lower amount. I'm used to taking more when "I need" to.

Perks, I'm pulling for you - as is everyone else here!

Take care,
Tomatoface

 
Old 11-28-2009, 10:59 AM   #7
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mel486 HB User
Re: about to make life changing decision

I'm glad I didn't go the sub route and went through the withdrawals, because it taught me a lesson - Not to do opiates ever again. The withdrawals were horrible. Unfortunately, because of my pain, I had to use them again, but I did it differently, just taking the oxy when the pain was bad. Getting off of the oxy this time is so much easier and I hardly have any withdrawals while tapering.

There have been other people on this forum who have used the Sub route and found it to be fast and easy to get off of the opiates. If Sub is used as a fast detox, you can be off of the opiates and sub in 2-3 weeks w/o having to go through the opiate w/d's. The choice is yours which way you want to go - just get off of the opiates and get your life back that you may not realize you have lost. Do it for your family!

 
Old 11-28-2009, 06:19 PM   #8
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perksnomore HB User
Re: about to make life changing decision

ok so i saw my counselor today. things went well. the reason that i am definitely going the sub route is because i have a 6 and 3 year old and have no time to be sick, none. i told my counselor that i am out of meds and wish i did not have to wait until dec.16th because that means picking up a script of 90 percs and 30 ms contin! i dont want them! sooo he is trying his best to get me in tis week! he was sending an email to the doc to see if i could be fir in somewhere. i plan to do it over 3 weeks, 2 weeks with sub to maintain then last week done. i know going off the sub wont be a piece of cake but definitely not as agonizing as going off the opioids. i have not had a perk since thursday morning, the tramadol is holding off the w/d's. (tramadolor ultram is opiate like but not an opioid and actually a very horrible drug to get addicted to. but i have taken like 3 or 4 just until i can get the sub...so my couselor gave me his cell number and told me to call him monday morning to see if the doc replied...i told him that i will be "on call" if someone cancels or something..lol....i just want to get this started. i DONT WANT TO PICK UP ANOTHER SCRIPT OF PERKS. Tomato-the energy is gone, i would rather take 2 AND lay down all day, until 4 hours goes by then take another 2...ugh makes me sick when i think about it....the pills are EVIL....i hope your taper works, i could never taper! i have tried and tried. when i have the pills, thats the end of that!......i feel like i have made a good decision, i am only worried about anyu possible side effects of the sub...any info on that? thank you all for responding. i will be here daily, i need someone to talk to....and i will be here to support others along the journey also. got through today! now i worry about tomorrow...one day at a time.. nite all

 
Old 11-28-2009, 09:19 PM   #9
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mel486 HB User
Re: about to make life changing decision

Tapering off of sub can be as bad as the opiates from what I have seen on this forum, but that is for people that have been on it for long periods. The doctor still should give you a tapering plan to follow with the sub. You should still taper down near the end. With a 3 week detox plan you shouldn't have many problems. Good for you!!

Just some encouragement for ya... I'm down to 2.5 mg of percs a day right now. I'm a little achy in the legs and I have lots of pain from my injury, but my plan is to drop to 1.25 on Sunday and see how I do. I'll probably go Cold Turkey from there sometime during the week. I'm glad that I took the oxy the way I did (only when I had bad pain and only enough to manage the pain) and it was much easier getting off of it this time.

I'm happy to hear that you have a good plan to get free. Keep us informed. The next part for you will be killing the cravings and remaining clean. We'll help.

 
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