This is my way of giving back. When I first joined three years ago, I was a wreck. There were some wonderful people who helped me (some of them are still here) through my dark days. Now, I couldn't be happier. I am in a great place regarding my recovery, and that's my wish for you - to come out on the other side, and take charge of your recovery. Life on this side is great - so you're welcome
Regarding NA - I completely understand. I have read posts from other people who went to neighboring towns to find NA groups, so they weren't in their small town (and potentially get "outed"). Although NA is 100% anonymous, you really never know, so it makes sense that you are reluctant to go to the one in your town. I was in Toronto, Canada when I first started NA (We now live in North Carolina - my husband and I moved to NC three months ago from Canada) and I assumed I wouldn't run into anyone I knew in such a huge city (seven million people) but I did meet people I knew (actually, quite a few people). One of those was my brother's ex girlfriend. She and I talked a bit but I found out a couple days later that she called my brother and asked him about my addiction. At that point in time, he had no idea (only my parents and husband new about my addiction). So, I'm sure you can imagine how upset that made me. Anyhow, take a look into some neighboring towns. Perhaps you'll find one you feel comfortable going to. It is very important that you don't do this alone, OJ, very very important. What about your doctor? Is she/she aware of your addiction? There are many addiction doctors/counsellors in the U.S. so perhaps you can find one to talk to. Your family physician really should know about this - you'd be surprised how helpful they can be. "Most" docs will not judge you. Having your family physician be aware of your addiction is probably the best thing you can do, as he/she will always have it in your file.
Take Imodium for the diarrhea. It will supress the stomach pain as well. I am so glad to hear that today is better. You are very lucky this time. Don't ever forget that.
Getting out today is a great idea. Keep very busy. Walking will help the restless legs, as well as a hot bath with epsom salts. You'd be surprised how much that helps.
Now, here's an important question. Are you able to get more pain pills from your doctor? You flushed the rest of your script a few days ago, however can you just "make a call" and get more?
I hope your have a great day. Keep in touch. I'm always here to help