Hey everyone, been a long time lurker, just never signed up to post. I thought it was time to do that because it seems like most people on here are very understanding and either been through what I am going through, are are currently.
Here is my situation...
I am 34 years old. I have a great job, family, house, cars, blah blah blah... But I also have the skeleton in my closet, which is a huge addiction to pain killer. Vicodin, Percocet are my drugs of choice. I have always had an addictive personality. I remember the first time I ever took a Vicodin. April 1st 2001, my birthday. My ex's parents gave me a couple for a wisdom tooth i was having issues with. I took one not thinking anything of it, then it hit. I took the other, I was hooked....
Needless to say it's been a never ending battle since then. It has gotten the worst its ever been in the last year. Aside from working full time, I also race ATV's on a professional level. I have had 3 bad crashes in the last year. Of course the first thing the doctor throws at me are pain killers. When I say bad crashes, they were bad.
3 severe concussions
Broken collar bone, twice
Several broken ribs - 2 which may need surgery right now and I am debating because I dont want pain killers. They want to plate and screw my ribs back to my spine.
Permanent nerve damage in left hip from landing on it so hard.
Busted eye socket
2 broken noses
Broken heel <--- that one sucked
I think thats it...
And yes, I wear all my protective gear, including a helmet, neck brace, etc. They were just bad crashes with multiple quads involved. Last one I was air lifted out, which was over 2 months ago.
Now you are probably thinking why would anyone put their self through this, which is valid. But, I have been riding since the age of 5, it's my only true passion. Although I am out the rest of the year....
Anyways, you can see where I am going. I was put on a plethera of drugs. I was up to 30 mg percs quick release, 30 at a time (prescribed). At my worst, I was taking 5 of those a day. Which I took my last 2, 2 days ago... This is where the fun starts in...
I am tired of being in a cloud of pain killers. I thought I will kick this cold turkey and get my life back on track. I can deal with the pain of my ribs. It will suck yes, but I can do it... Wrong.... This morning, I was crawling out of my skin. I went to the Dr, he said no more pain killers. He prescribed me clonidine, Xanax and wellbutrin, Which I have been on wellbutrin for a couple months. (it does help for depression)
The worst part is, I have a wife who is 8 months preggo. I have a 2 and a half year little girl that means more than anything to me. I feel like these drugs are destroying me and my life. So about 4 hours ago, I thought I was having a nervous break down. The runs, hot and cold flashes, you name it, all the worst w/d symptoms you can think of. I started googling Suboxone drs in my area. I called at least 25 before 1 agreed to see me....
I went right in. He wouldnt take my insurance, so it cost me 300 bucks. Which I would have paid 3000 to feel better. I was very honest with him and he said he thought he could help me. He checked all my vitals and said I was a perfect candidate for starting treatment now. By the way, it took everything thing I had to drive in Phoenix traffic to get there. I wanted to kill someone.
He started me out with 1 pill tonight, broke in half. I just took the first half under the tongue about 30 minutes ago, and I must say I am feeling SO MUCH better. All my w/d symptoms have subsided. I take the other half in about 3 hours. Then tomorrow, I start with 2 - 2 MG tabs a day for a week. Thanks god my insurance covered the pills! They only cost me 10 bucks....
I have read so much on here about good and bad things about this medication. For me, it's this or I am going to lose everything. I hate to think I need to be on it forever, but if it takes a year, then oh well. It's better than lying to my wife and being a horrible father. Well, I dont think I am a horrible father, just not the sober father I want to be.
This is my first step for support. My wife is supportive as she can be, but I need to talk to other people who really understand me. Any suggestions or comments you may have please feel free to post, good or bad. I am determined to kick this for good... I want my life back.
Thanks for reading, and sorry for the long first post!
Hi Charlie ! Welcome to the board! I am all too familiar with your story and know how you feel. I had an on and off again addiction to oxy/hydro, between 60-80mgs a day for 10 years. I had enough and went to detox in January and went on suboxone. I started at 6 mgs a day and was down to 2mgs by the end of 5 days. I decided to stay on it while I get my mental issues in order. I am down to about 1-1.25 mgs a day. I am slowly weaning off it.
It does work wonders. It takes away the physical withdrawl liek magic, and it also helps me mentally because I do feel clean and I am bettering myself. It never gives me a high. It just makes me feel "normal" and I never crave other opiates and I never worry about the next dose.
It is a wonderful tool but you MUST be responsible and have to be ready to fight your addiction and never go back. If you don't do this it will be all for naught. You have to change your frame of mind and work at it. There is withdrawals associated with it but if you taper real slow, I have heard many people do not have much problems coming off. The key with suboxone is less is more. So I would make sure you stay no higher than 2mgs while you stabilize and slowly come off it. It has a very long half life so it stays in your system a long time.
I am prouf of you realizing yoru priorities and I hope you maintain your course of sobriety. Please keep us updated and good luck!
Musicman, thank you so much for your quick reply. I have honestly never been so serious about doing something in my whole life. Enough was enough for, I just needed help. I was amazed tonight on just what a half of a pill did for me. 30 minutes and I felt "normal", not high or euphoric. I forgot what it was like to feel normal. You trick yourself into thinking that being on pain killers you feel normal, but I know thats not the case at all.
I will for sure keep everyone updated, because getting on here is for first step besides the meds themselves toward getting better. Just need to talk to people who understand me. I look forward to telling everyone about my success.
I actually was mistaken on my dosing. Dr put me on 2 - 8mg of Suboxone a day. My first dose was half, just took the other. So now starting tomorrow, it will be 1 twice a day. Do you thing thats a high dose? I want this to help, just dont want to get hooked on another med.
Hi. Sorry, but I don't know much of anything about suboxone. I do know about hydrocodone & addiction, tho & wanted to wish you the best, & let you know i understand what you're going through. Just hang in there & stay focused on your goal. I believe if you are strict w/ the suboxone you should be able to get off it w/ out to much difficulty. Either way, if you are not abusing it, & you don't get "high" from it, sounds like a better option than where you are w/ the pain pills.
BTW, I had a comment about the ATV racing - since you are out for the season, why not look for other hobbies/interests to fill that void? I've had to quit a few of my favorite passions over the years, & while it was hard at first, I've found life has LOTS to offer. Take each disappointment as an opportunity. Hopefully an opportunity for something fun that doesn't hurt so much!
Ive been on suboxone for 3 years now, so my advice to you is to use it to get of the hydro but don't stay on it. taper as soon as you can, I wish I could go back in time and only use it for a month max !!! Good Luck