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Old 12-22-2010, 02:53 PM   #1
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Addiction isn't so bad...

No, that title wasn't a poor attempt at getting peoples attention.

I was thinking about my job, friends, associates, family etc etc and I pondered what road I was headed had it not been for the police and a snitch.
Not only was I addicted to every narcotic on the planet, I was also addicted to my job.
My job, my choices and drugs led me to the lowest point in my life that death seemed to be the only option. Quitting for me was not an option. Fast forward, I get arrested, I lose my job, my friends and all my money....and in a few weeks, my wife.

My job is what led me to drugs and the people I did business with were all drug addicts (85%).

Now the reason I say addiction isn't so bad....I guess I could have found a better title however, because of the addiction, I learned so much about myself. I learned I am one of the strongest people I know (bias...maybe) but I was able till now to kick the habits. Because of my addiction, I lost my job and with it, the criminal element, the headaches, the sleepless nights the ****** off customers etc.

Because of the addiction, and losing my wife, I've truly found myself. My wife beats me up over this daily (not physically but equally painful) and because she has never known drugs, cannot relate to me. We truly are oil and water.

So when I say addiction isnt so bad.....I've lost pretty much everything from the "old me" but discovered the "new me" that I love, want to look back at in the mirror and feel I've been to hell and back and I "survived".

 
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Old 12-26-2010, 12:33 PM   #2
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Re: Addiction isn't so bad...

Quote:
Originally Posted by corissa3 View Post
My job, my choices and drugs led me to the lowest point in my life that death seemed to be the only option.

I learned so much about myself. I learned I am one of the strongest people I know (bias...maybe) but I was able till now to kick the habits.

So when I say addiction isnt so bad.....I've lost pretty much everything from the "old me" but discovered the "new me" that I love, want to look back at in the mirror and feel I've been to hell and back and I "survived".
Hello corissa3

It is good to see that you are taking the bull by the horns and taking no prisoners(no pun intended).

Recovering from addiction forces us to see that person in the mirror, flaws and all.
Though acknowledgement of a problem is the first step,the true work begins once action is taken.

Yes, you are a survivor and I hope that you take it all in perspective,for you are now considered one of the fortunate ones.

Respectfully stated

Phoenix

 
Old 12-26-2010, 11:29 PM   #3
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Re: Addiction isn't so bad...

Corissa

Did your wife forgive you and help you or is she continuously still beating you up over this? She may need some counseling or you may have to consider if you should remove yourself from the relationship because this could be distastrous to you and possibly make you turn back to old ways. However, you sound strong so I know you would fight it all the way. good luck on your continued success.

 
Old 12-27-2010, 04:24 AM   #4
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Re: Addiction isn't so bad...

oxygirl...we just had one of the worst arguments ever. We dont hit or scream at eash other but we get our point(s) accross.
There is no way to salvage the relationship. Everday that passes seems to bring with it more hatred towards me. I am leaving in a couple of weeks for in patient rehab and with it, the relationship also. The original help was 'what ever it takes to get u well, to, 'You did this to yourself, its your fault u choose drugs!'

I am a somebody and I'll b damned im going to allow myself to be treated like this.


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Old 12-28-2010, 02:19 AM   #5
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Re: Addiction isn't so bad...

Saying the addiction isn't so bad is just giving it more control, isn't it? I am new to all this so I could be wrong, but I am well versed in low self-esteem and I say you are the one who ended up learning and growing because of you, IN SPITE of the addiction, not because of it. Take more credit, it seems like you deserve it. Having good coping skills and using insight doesn't make the evil in the world less evil, it makes you good. (I am trying to compliment you, I hope it's coming off that way.)

I am sorry to hear about your marriage. As the girlfriend of an addict I can tell you that I myself have neared that breaking point several times. I have always told him I would only leave him for either of two reasons: If he cheated, or if I thought he wanted out. It's easy to rip yourself apart trying to figure out why you aren't "enough" to make it all go away. I feel like he doesn't want to be with me because of his actions, even when he tells me how much I mean to him. I always have to decide which boyfriend to listen to that night. Taking this time to work on you as a person instead of half of a couple is probably excellent for you.

Sorry, it's 4 AM and I'm rambling. Long night.

 
Old 12-28-2010, 11:11 AM   #6
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Re: Addiction isn't so bad...

As I read your thoughts it came across more to me as "recovery isn't so bad". I think some people fear recovery. It sounds like most of what you are going through is related to the fact that you are choosing recovery. At the end of the day, the worst of it won't be such a terrible thing to go through to get where you are going.

 
Old 12-29-2010, 02:40 PM   #7
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Re: Addiction isn't so bad...

I am sorry Corissa. You sound like a nice person and you seem to sincerely want help. Have you been doing any drugs lately. You mentioned going into an inpatient facility and I couldn't help but wonder.

 
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