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Old 01-03-2011, 11:15 AM   #1
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Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

Hello All Who Read This...


My name is Jason, and I'm originally from Chicago, but relocated 6 years ago to South Florida. I'm 100% addicted to oxycodone and it's been a wild ride. First, to give you a little history about me I never knew who my father is, my mom is a drunk with massive depression, and I have a total of 7 siblings and only know 4 currently. I don't believe that your past should dictate your future. It's not where you came from, but what you are today that counts. Going back I'm a 29 y/o male who graduated from Loyola University/University of Chicago medical school as well. I double majored in nuclear medicine/micro-biology. I got my BA in both. It's funny because I was such a mess at 17 my adoptive family figured I would even graduated high school, and I don't blame them for thinking that. I started having a very minor,minor,minor neck issue in 2006 that I should of never even told this doctor but did, and he prescribed vicoprofin 7.5/mg I was hooked right away. I don't even want to go through all horrible things you do as a addict because ever addict knows how it goes. Oh I forgot I also met a girl in 2006, and started a business as well. That business was a multi-million by 2008 and I got married. I paid 85K cash for my brides dream wedding. I had a custom LEXUS ISF custom made before it even hit the floors 140K no problem. Started building our dream home, and my bride was having a baby in June of 2009. By now I moved up to 10MG percs and 10 30mg oxy a week. I was taking about 20 10mg percs, and 2 30mg of oxy 30 in June of 2009. Welcome to the world Gianna, my gorgeous daughter. Her eyes are that pretty green blue hazel color and she's the most pretties thing I've ever seen. My wife has blue green eyes , and I have hazel so I knew our baby would have pretty eyes. Because I was making these doctors millions of dollars I was able to get what ever I wanted at anytime or day. I had a key to the personal pharmacy of the doctors. By 1/1/10 I was able to up to 1000 oxys a week 15Mgs, 30Mgs, 40,Mgs, 80Mgs, whatever the **** u wanted I got. Well we know how this is going to end don't we? Don't get me wrong I tried to quit 500 times. Literally. I's make to day 3 and take suboxone and be sober for two weeks, but the addiction would win. The sweat blood and tears I put in to getting sober was ridiculous. You now that part of withdrawal when you haven't shitted in weeks, and then it comes out and it hurts so ******* bad, and then you wipe you *** and there's blood all over the toilet paper? The part when your shaking so bad and your mind wants you to get drugs so badd that you would do anything to score, or the crawling skin, or the feeling that your chest is being crushed, or the anxiety of someone telling you the most important person in the world to you was brutally murdered, and you will never see them again? How about the sweats? I had all that. March 2010 the doctors that once gave me anything I wanted have now stopped writing or dropped me as a business partner. So what did I do? I found a few dealers in which I was spending anywhere from 300 t0 600 a day. I had a 30 to 40 pill habit a day of oxy 30's. I also started stealing scripts from the docs and wrote for oxys myself. Fast forward to Sept 2010 and I was arrested for trying to obtain a controlled substance by fraud. I got charged with 3 felonies and will be attending court this week in which my lawyer, which cost 10K is getting me diversion. Plus the health board found out and suspended my license for a year so I lost my business which was failing anyways because of the drugs. My wife has to work a dead end job, my child stays with my in laws, I'm stuck in the house. I lost it all. I'm currently in withdraw about 40hrs in and you know how that feels. I want to share something with all of you, but I have to say one thing to all the addicts out there. If your going to quit theres one thing that is most important beyond anything else in order to quit. You need to make a commitment to quitting. You need to be 100% ready mentally or it's not going to happen, trust me. Good Luck


Dear Friend,
I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally physically spiritually and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody-especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go.

I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.

I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if I can put you in the hospital, an institution or jail. But you know that I'll still be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckly when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet.

It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time, work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me.

The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me. All the fine friends that you deeply cared for-you gave them up for me. And what's more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions-I am more than grateful.

And especially your loved ones, your family, and the most important people in the world to you. You even threw them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitiude I have for the loayalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life just to devote yourself completely to me. But do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul. FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD, MY FRIEND.

Faithfully yours,
Your addiction and drug of choice

 
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Old 01-03-2011, 11:43 AM   #2
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

Hi Jason,

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your future is far better than your past. I really hope everything works out with the legal process and your family.

I'm 33 and I've been addicted to opioids since I was a child. I was prescribed different opioids for migraines as a child, for severe pain and still am to this day.

I used to have dreams, a personality, hope, etc. I know how the WD symptoms feel. It's awful, especially knowing that you can take something to make it all go away. The problem is that continuing the drugs not only takes away the WD symptoms, but continues to steal your life from you. We only get one life Jason, only one chance. It's possible, that one day sober, is better than 1,000 days high on opioids (or other substances). Perhaps even one day suffering through WD's. At least it's you, not the drugs right?

 
Old 01-03-2011, 12:04 PM   #3
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

Addict,

I agree on what you said. I was considering the whole rehab thing, but does it really work? I mean you could go in a 90 day program then what? It really comes down to your personal choice on staying clean. I do belive it helps to talk to others about what you feel or what your going through. I'm giving all I have this time so hopefully this will be it.



jason

 
Old 01-04-2011, 04:34 AM   #4
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

Hey, you..I have a feeling its not over with you..I can bet money on it that you are not done. I want to tell you some GRAPHIC real details..My 24 yr old son fell asleep on the toilet bowl probably trying to do what you tried to do in withdrawels..His dad found him DEAD still sitting there. You keep using pain pills, you will DIE too. You will die in your sleep, and wake up in heaven and you will be confused as to where you are..Cause it happens so quick..You are a doctor you know how they just slow down your respiration and stop your heart..And you also know how to stop if you REALLY want it..You have a baby , if you cant do it for yourse;f, try your best to lat her have a daddy to grow up with..FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BROKEN HEART ...GOOD LUCK!!

 
Old 01-04-2011, 07:38 AM   #5
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

Wow. Is all I can say. As I sit here crying hating this"friend of mine" You are so accurate in your posting about our friend. I thought I was alone in hating the world and maybe it was just me, but its these f'n pills thats making my life a living hell. I have baby's, I can't just go thru wd alone. I have no one. My Bf helped me once get thru the wd but my friend found its way back into my life. He would probly disown me and take our child. I have to figure out a way to get my life back. Thanks for your posting Jason. Good luck to you.

 
Old 01-04-2011, 08:06 AM   #6
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysonmike View Post
Hey, you..I have a feeling its not over with you..I can bet money on it that you are not done. I want to tell you some GRAPHIC real details..My 24 yr old son fell asleep on the toilet bowl probably trying to do what you tried to do in withdrawels..His dad found him DEAD still sitting there. You keep using pain pills, you will DIE too. You will die in your sleep, and wake up in heaven and you will be confused as to where you are..Cause it happens so quick..You are a doctor you know how they just slow down your respiration and stop your heart..And you also know how to stop if you REALLY want it..You have a baby , if you cant do it for yourse;f, try your best to lat her have a daddy to grow up with..FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BROKEN HEART ...GOOD LUCK!!

MYSONMIKE,

I'm very sorry for your lost, and hope you can find peace in your life with this tragedy. I'm very aware that I'm in the life or death situation, and I can feel it in my bones. I've recently found out that starting Friday I start my diversion program which involves heavy counseling, and drug testing weekly. This is good, but I also have a way out if I want. I've recently had back surgery and can take pain pills legally. I'm not going down that road, and you can bet all you want that I am done. I understand what's ahead, and I will continue to fight for my life everyday. For the first time I've actually made a plan in which other individual are going to help me on a daily basis. God has put these people in my life to help get this demon out of me. When it comes down to it you need to be 100% confident in your mine that this is what you want. It really is the only thing. The physical pain will pass, but the mental aspect is the real hell. I'll pray for you, and best of luck...

 
Old 01-04-2011, 02:34 PM   #7
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

Good Luck ..im praying for you...

 
Old 01-06-2011, 09:20 AM   #8
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry this has happened to you, but it takes a lot of courage to tell your story. I wish you only the best, and I hope everything will work out for you. If you need to vent, I am here.

 
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Old 01-07-2011, 04:02 AM   #9
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

I read your story and my heart goes out to you. I married the man of my dreams whom also is a doctor. We too had "it all" and lost it due to his drug addiction. We are going through a horrible divorce. I tried everything to get him to stop using. The drugs always won. Our children and I lived a living hell. (I'm sure he did as well)
The first time he tried to stop, he had to do what it sounds like your starting. Mandatory meetings, daily call ins for random drug tests, counseling, ect. But as you know when a addict wants a addict finds a way. He would wake our son up in the middle of the night to have him urinate in a cup, telling him he was being tested for diabetes. I found out when our son came to me crying and scared for the results. To make a long story short, (and many painful incidences later) I had to call the medical board. I truly believe with all my heart if I hadn't made the call when I did, he would be dead or in jail. Just so you know, that call was the hardest call I hope to ever have to make.
My point is, do yourself and your family the biggest favor and get inpatient help. Don't wait until you lose your family. The material stuff can be replaced, their love cannot.
FYI~your past has a lot to do with the pain your self medicating.
Don't give up. You can do this and be the man, husband and father your proud to be.

 
Old 01-07-2011, 01:31 PM   #10
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

I ,have been on Oxy on n off for 20 yrs...I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis last July the Dr told me opoids were making my lung function worse along with the pred.for my lungs I REALLY lost my mental health..I ODed one day...sick of feeling jumpy and paranoid..I nearly bought the farm...now I don't take anything but IB,but my health is poor...I have no enthusiasium for anything,my brain couldn't handle all drugs anymore..the side of my tongue is numb,I get tired so fast..I can't get my short term memory back..i have to write a list to tell me what to do each day..Is this what you want?I'm 55 and now I'm in a limbo I never thought I'd see..WAKE UP!!! Oxy is a sweet ride..till the toxic effects take over..POISON is POISON!!!I hope someone gets out with their lives intact...

 
Old 01-08-2011, 07:04 AM   #11
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

Powerful tetimony, Jason. I noticed the last part was signed "drug of choice", so that goes for ANY drug, drink, or smoke that gets it's claws into you and won't let go. I do not think folks want to be addicted, we are all so different and so are the reasons for addiction. One thing is for sure, as you said: the user and abuser has GOT to want, really, truly want to stop or all the finger pointing and name-calling won't do anything but diminish your will to quit. It comes down to just God and you. Good-Luck, JB

 
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Old 02-26-2011, 07:54 PM   #12
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

I feel your pain! I don't take nearly the amount that you did, but i've been on a doctor's regimen of valium, morphine, oxy, norco and fentanyl for 3-4 years. It is a challenge for me to quit, but I don't work and usually spend a lot of time sleeping in bed. I was/am (hoping to be again) a beautiful athletic girl with a nice tan and love to hang out at the beach in a bikini. NOW, i'm ghostly white with little muscle tone and the bikini is not as attractive. I'm not saying this to be vain, but my looks and healthy body made me happy. I am taking my pain meds as prescribed and kicked the morphine, but I have a long way to go.
Your story made me sad, but hopeful for you. I wish you the best!
=

 
Old 02-27-2011, 12:05 AM   #13
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Re: Graphic story about oxycodone addiction...

hey Jason, u are just a yungin! Please think about a change in careers. If you have that science degree thing going then u can go into pathology or labortory research or anything. The reason I say this is because it is way too tempting to be around the devil and not sin! I talk from experience in when I was a nurse I had friends who sampled the med cart. I never did but then that was before I started taking opiates for pain. It is unbelieveable the nurses who did.
Think of your child. U do not want her to grow up without her daddy and your wife will get sick of it trust me. I divorced a drug addict and I got to where it made me sick to even look at him. My situation is a little different but I feel like we are really all in the same boat my friend. Your end just seems to be sinking faster. I hope u get ur .......together for your sake and your family. Please rethink ur career. You never need to be able to get meds so easily again. U will wind up in jail. U are a smart guy. U can have a life. U just have to want to do it. It is hard going through wd's but you can either plan ur life or ur funeral at this point. good luck to u my friend and i wish u well and will pray for u

 
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